Thread alert! Remember when I said I was gonna do a complete crazy-girl analysis of SVUxOC? I wasn't kidding. 10 years of build-up culminating in 2 hours has been... difficult for me to process. (+ a global pandemic, life, and whatever my current mental state is!)

To me, TV is literature and the English major in me deals best in tearing it apart and writing about it. So without further ado, ~a thread~ (NOTE: anyone who doesn't follow me for my stunning and witty TV takes, avert your eyes. It's about to get much worse before it gets better)

Here we gooo. I've already said a lot about the ART of the cold open but it bears repeating. The opening close-pan to Liv's face, the lights, the rain, the smoke on the ground... down to the breathtaking SCORE. It evokes chaos, anxiety, trauma - even as we know what's coming.

Hot take: I don't think she's at that scene by coincidence. I get that 10-13s are radio-wide, but she's a high-ranking official who's about to be honored at a departmental event. She doesn't need to be the responding unit. + distinction b/t "I got a 10-13" and "There was a 10-13"

I think she was called personally by dispatch and told she was requested - and that Elliot's first thought, upon watching his wife be blown to smithereens, is "Call Captain Benson." In the most traumatic moment of your life, who else would you want but your partner?

His "Liv!" sounds very definitive and sure. He's not surprised to see her there. She, on the other hand, is completely caught off guard by not only Elliot's presence, but Kathy's on the stretcher. She didn't know what she was getting into.

Would love to see some clarity here because I feel like it's important to the characterization of 2021 Elliot off the bat. (It seems that his level of trust in her has never waned, despite years and distance)

Also, Fin is wearing a wedding ring here, so what's up with that, my dude?

Act I: I appreciate the use of the Paternity flashback and I love the parallel throughout... but I feel like the motif could've been woven better through the episode. The one-and-done flash thing kind of feels like they're shoving it in our faces (maybe that was necessary, idk)

And given that Paternity is all about Liv effectively saving Kathy's life and delivering Eli - it's particularly interesting to me that we never see the Eli/Liv reunion on screen. But more on that later.

"Special Guest Star: Christopher Meloni" will never fail to make me want to do backflips.

Fin referring to Olivia as "Captain" solely for Elliot's benefit is an excellent moment and totally rectifies the fact that he maaaay or may not have told El about Liv's award without letting her know.

I know the Television Academy doesn't generally give preferential treatment to network shows (on their 22nd seasons LOL), but Hargitay and Meloni are a masterclass... and it starts in the scene at the ambulance bay.

This! Situation! The person you knew better, trusted more, and loved deeper than anyone else in the world has abandoned you. You spend a decade putting your would back together, and then suddenly he shows up in the absolute worst moment of his life. How do you reconcile that?

There's hurt, anger, awkwardness and it's all backed by that implicit muscle memory and love (romantic, platonic, all of it) - that Liv's been trying so hard to tamper, but how can you in a situation like this? Especially when the kids show up? The ultimate emotional conflict.

Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, almost unimaginable... and it all plays out on their faces.

Props here to Allison Siko - because there's something up with Kathleen and I will die on that hill. "Olivia, you're here!" Does not seem like an exclamation of a shocked and grieving daughter. I got disgust vibes. Like, Dad's not even back a day and you show up ALREADY.

Liv jumps on the defensive with the, "I'm just here to help." There's also a brief moment, that I'm just noticing, where Elliot kind of... heaves a sigh, while watching this interaction. I don't know. Maybe I'm projecting. More on why I REALLY want Kathleen to be the foil later.

Liv to Garland: "I'm really close to the family." Ma'am. No you're not. You haven't heard a word from this family in a decade. But walls crumble in times of trauma and this is our first inkling that staying away from the Stablers, despite her anger, will not be easy.

The actor playing this QAnon weirdo is perfect (down to the haircut) because I want to punch him in the face and that's the same way I feel about QAnon weirdos IRL. "That's not me. That was photoshopped!" *chef's kiss*

We hate a man who punches reporters!

The LOOK on Carisi and Kat's faces when Elliot just saunters into the office like he owns the place. YES YES. And the fact that he saunters in like he owns the place. And he flips the switch on the two-way and jumps right back into the game like he never left.

I think, for Elliot, it feels like he never left. This place - the precinct, the woman who's now in charge of it - is crystalline in his mind. He walked. So he had the benefit of being able to preserve his old life, as it was in his memory, to use as comfort when he needed it.

"Hi I'm Elliot Stabler. Who are you?" Is his first endeavor into the rude awakening that things have changed. This place has moved on without him. It's not his home anymore.

Of course, I'm sure he's always been conscious of that reality, but not living in it allows him to wake up every day without internalizing the consequences of his abandonment. Whatever his reasons for doing what he did, he's able to validate them so long as there's distance.

UGH. When he starts to move off to the corner of the room, and she gravitates there -- as if on instinct alone. Benson and Stabler are BACK and this is the first time we KNOW it. In the words of the late great Kathy Stabler, "SO IN SYNC."

I love when Carisi interjects (and that over-the-shoulder shot is GOLD), and Liv kind of falls back... because she knows she's supposed to take Carisi's side but she can't.

"Liv, I promise I'll behave." HOOOO BOY. That is a LINE. And again, Hargitay has blown me away, because you can LITERALLY see the last vestiges of restraint crumble in her face at that. The moment she decides it's okay, that he's her PARTNER, of course she trusts him.

There is so much to unpack in the interrogation room. From the way they enter together (they're baa-aack) to Fin & Amanda's reactions (he KNOWS, she's suddenly smacked in the face with this mythical man (& relationship) she's been hearing about for a decade.

And then they immediately get down to business. Or at least he does. I think she has this moment of realization of exactly what's going on (he's back) and how quickly it's happened (they're WORKING) and is completely overwhelmed by it (do you blame her?)

I think we see a mix of Old Stabler and Modern, Refined Stabler here. Family!Man Elliot would be at that hospital. Intel Expert Elliot needs to investigate. He's sitting with the man who may have blown up his WIFE. That he's conducting a fair interrogation is growth in itself.

Knowing now that the sleeve-rolling was improvised per Meloni makes that scene (and Liv's reaction to it) all the sweeter. And when she throws her body in front of his? First of all, THE SHOT. THE BLOCKING. JUAN CAMPANELLA!!!!! But she still TRUSTS. HIM. And he'd never hurt her.

Also, the look? When she's pinning his arms down and they're all breathing heavy and staring at each other? How does sexual tension like that even occur naturally on this planet? I don't understand. (Also: totes an intentional EO nugget to keep us salivating - and it worked.)

And I almost FORGOT "I'm Captain Benson and this is Detective Stabler." We love a parallel. We love growth. We love women in positions of power.

Some quick notes on the rooftop. First: whenever I watch it, it occurs mentally to the tune of this song: Sorry.

Anyway, again with the SHOT. There is nothing more beautiful than the NYC skyline and who knew the roof of the 1-6 had such a VIEW? They needed to have a knock-down drag-out and I love this one and the fact that it was about essentially nothing of consequence.

The shoulder bump? Spectacular. I'd-hit-you-if-I-could-but-I-can't-and-I-also-need-physical-contact-with-you-to-make-sure-you're-real. The "Captain" quip? Oooh, you bastard.

Love and hate that the interaction was busted by Dickie. "Don't you answer your phone?" Clearly, he doesn't, child. That's why we're here. But this is the second time an important conversation between Liv & El was interrupted and unfinished. This is a recurring theme. I love it.

Anyway, gonna go get some vitamin D and maybe speak to a human. But I gotta finish this before tonight so my head doesn't explode with the introduction of two more hours so I'll be baaaaaaack.

I went outside, played with my dog, worked out, answered some e-mails, went to therapy (lol, really, I swear) and now I'm back with your regularly-scheduled afternoon edition of psychosis. When last I left you, one Mrs. Kathy Stabler was on her death bed...

...And our newly-reunited partners were off to conduct an only maybe-ethical interview. I love this scene for a lot of reasons (none of which have anything to do with dying Kathy).

First, the way they're walking down the hallway completely in-step. C and M have HISTORY-MAKING chemistry and I forgot how much I missed it. Second, the sheer volume of the emotion and the complexity of the history between the three people in that room... it's truly mind-blowing.

Whether or not you buy Liv's assertion that she and Kath were "close," there's still 20+ years of history here. For K, Liv saved two of her children and literally brought a third into the world. For Liv, K was the the proverbial "other half" of her closest friend.

And yes, obviously, this is the love triangle that never really was. Whatever did or did not happen to bring El & Kathy to Rome, it was enough for Kathy to overcome, but she was never able to truly TRUST her husband. She spent a decade thinking he and Liv were still in contact.

But despite all that, is still able to recognize the poignancy of what it means for them to be together in one place. Gillies is spectacular in this scene. We saw more of her talent in these few moments than we saw in 12 previous seasons.

Imagine knowing that your SO has such a strong, unbreakable bond with another person, believing they may be lying to you about it, and still recognizing the beauty in their relationship. It's a type of emotional complexity I can't even fathom, but Isabel does it beautifully.

With that said, this TOTALLY solidifies for me that the reason Elliot left the force was likely the shooting, but the reason he LEFT, LEFT was about his feelings for Olivia. The reason he fled the country? It was to save his marriage. And it worked, for a time.

That's why it's interesting to me that Kathy was the one who insisted they go to the ceremony, even believing El and Liv were still in contact (and it could've been platonic contact, but the fact that she felt he had the need to lie, tells you everything you need to know).

I hope they explore that down the road. But I won't be surprised if they don't.

Elliot, to his credit, tried the very best he could. This is a man whose ethics and morals have always been as much his pitfall as his saving grace. His high school sweetheart, the mother of his five children... he could never betray her.

So when the option is destroy your family or destroy yourself, Elliot will always pick destroying himself (and, consequently, destroying Olivia - and that's what she's going to have a hard time dealing with, and what he'll have a hard time rectifying.)

I think he thinks he was being noble. And in a way -- in a good, old school, Catholic family-man sort of way -- he was. But all the nobility in the world can't quash feelings so strong. And as soon as they get back in the room, back in sync. He knows it. Kathy knows it...

Olivia knows it. That's why the second portion of the scene - when Liv quietly excuses herself to stand outside and watch them through the glass - is so painful and important. They're the happy couple. And 10 years later, after Liv convinced herself she moved on (and did!)...

... seeing them together hurts every bit as much as it did before. She is still just as in love with him as she always was, and this is the moment she realizes it. Despite it all, the hurt, the abandonment, the feeling he didn't want her enough to stay... the love is still there.

She loved him for who he was (is) - a family man who would stop at nothing to protect the people he loves. And that's exactly what he's doing. So how can she reconcile that with the hurt he's caused in her life?

And (personal note) as a woman who has loved a man she was unimaginably close to, but who was more committed to his relationship than he was to me - the pain is indescribably crippling. And Hargitay wore every ounce of it on her face. Watching that scene was a kick in the stomach

Other tidbits worth mentioning: when El looks at Liv across the room during the "in sync" comment and she can't meet his eyes. When she has to be the one to assure Kathy he was telling the truth about cutting off their contact.

The fact that Kath is so exhausted by this revelation and clarification that she immediately must sleep and is - for all intents and purposes - at peace.

Then Liv leaves, and heaves this giant sigh in the hallway in an effort to collect herself (another perfect, relatable moment) and come to terms with this discovery she may have just made about herself for the first time, and try to snap out of it... when Elliot approaches.

And here you have what I will affectionately refer to for the rest of my life as CITH (conversation in the hospital). BIG, HUGE, SO IMPORTANT. For all the reasons. But the fact that Olivia just walked out of that hospital room when it happened is perhaps the most important for me

That long, knowing look they share when he gets there, very WTF was that? He offers her water, as if that can make up for everything that's happened. He begins by saying, "Back at the station, I put you in a bad situation." Back at the station??? You mean last night? Or in 2011?

And our girl is ready to fire. Here she is, with nothing left to lose, finally ready to lay all her cards on the table. And she's angry at herself for feeling things and angry at Elliot for busting into her life and making her. And she, is more open about her emotions than ever.

Anyway, she essentially tells him she loved him and he - SURPRISE, SURPRISE, basically tells her he loved her back! Which... goes against everything she's told herself in the past 10 years and everything she just saw in that room as he leaned over his dying wife.

How does this man, sitting in front of you telling you these painful, beautiful things, exist in the same space as the one who left you? Who was happy with his wife and child in Italy and (to you knowledge) never gave you a second thought? And so she can't find the exit.

And he's left there... alone. IMO one of the more beautiful moments of Meloni's entire performance, because he just came to a realization about himself too. And what's worse, for him, is that his wife is in that hospital bed. And he's in love with another woman.

And let's not forget ~THE LOOKS~ of the entire episode. Awards for eye acting to these two... dear god. Plus, don't think the hushed whispers crouched in chairs in hospital hallways is lost on me as anything less than the Fault throwback it was.

And note: again, their conversation is interrupted and left unfinished.

Garland and Liv talking about El's disciplinary files. Kat and Fin talking about the squadroom uni gossip. The characters introduced in "2.0" are concerned that he's violent and unhinged. The OG characters (Liv and Fin) are not at all concerned. Well done.

Especially considering the division of the fanbase along, generally, the same lines. And the division of the world today, as a whole. Elliot is a straight, white, male cop with quite the jacket, in a world that's really reckoning with the issue of police brutality.

It's my job - quite literally - to write about the IRL NYPD every day and it is at a phase of transition never before seen in its history. So this concern? It's valid. And I'm happy it's being addressed. Is it warranted? We'll see.

El and Fin in the restaurant... I just wanna know.. where TF did the rest of this scene go? I want it NOW. I also want some more deets about the timeline of El's time "overseas" but I imagine they're coming.

The Olivia/Fin 'Say-I-Love-You-To-Phoebe' scene was foreshadowing at its finest and I can't wait to see how it comes back into play. I also can't wait for Elliot to find out Fin is engaged (married?) to his ex-partner from 20 years ago and I hope Liv's the one to tell him.

The muscle memory that occurs in Olivia when Elliot walks out of the room after Kathy is resuscitated. She leaps out of her seat, walks right past Fin, and to Elliot. Nothing else matters. Her partner is hurting and She Must Go.

Also, non-religious Olivia's "Thank God" when it comes to finding out that Kathy is okay is really interesting to me.

The Liv/Rollins scene is one I'd REALLY wanted to see in this episode. I knew Rollins would jump at the chance for boy talk. The whole "We got really close" thing is icky to me. But not necessarily OOC. Post-Paternity, I guess things changed. Amanda fishing through Nick is GOOD.

Especially, when one can assume she's not taking their "complicated" relationship and comparing it to her relationship with Nick, but comparing it to her relationship with Carisi (admittedly, I know little to nothing about them, but they're cute and I can get behind it).

But I'm happy for Amanda to finally have confronted this man - a figure who existed but absolutely did not when she arrived in New York. And I'm happy for Liv to have someone to confide in. I think Rollins will be the only one who doesn't judge him. (she has no room to)

The PARK WALK. When they literally take steps in unison? And no two people have any need to talk so close. And let's talk about left turns. Interesting, here, he starts smiling at her. He's only talking about Kathy's condition in the context of his kids. And he seems... removed.

And she's having none of it. How many times do you have to convince a husband to stay at the hospital with his gravely injured wife? Would this have been an issue 10 years ago? Also, a note, that this is the first time the conversation is unfinished, but Liv interrupts it herself

Now she's distancing herself too and he's left looking... dejected is probably the best possible word. As if Kathy's flatlining woke her up and caused her to keep her distance, and convinced him that he needed her more than ever.

I just want to take a second to acknowledge the actor that's playing Sasha Lensky (sp?) because he has tweaked out mafia rat kid down to a SCIENCE and it's so fun to watch. "I don't know anything about bombs!!!!" literally made me laugh out loud.

And I'm gonna cut this round of crazy off here because I actually have to go live my life and be productive. Will try to fit the last 10 minutes of SVU in before tonight's episodes because I NeEEeEeED to tackle the chapel scene (also the hug but mostly the chapel). We'll see.