Simple Writing Tips for the Average Writer

"I worked a customer service job for 10 years" is the most sympathetic motivation for genocide

All sex scenes must include a harmonica solo. Trust me, it's very important.

Babies are adorable. More babies even more so. Therefore you should strive to emulate Baby Geniuses.

Or I might just be feeling maternal... Let me get back to you on that

The best way to get a book published is to already have an audience.

Try being a YouTuber, there's only a mild risk of stress induced depression and cardiac arrest.

Seriously, harmonica solo. Try it.

I don't have a problem, fuck you.

A great way to beat writer's block is to drink two glasses of water and then chug an entire container of black pepper to jumpstart your brain.

EDIT: DO NOT DO THIS

Villains are popular. Fill your story only with villains and no good guys anywhere. Just suave, charismatic monsters as far as the eye can see. And even a few feral ones too.

No matter how ridiculous, insane, impossible to understand or cringy your story is, there's someone out there who wants to read it.

It's me, I'm that person.

Blizzard Entertainment made billions of dollars off the idea "What of Satan was purple?" So clearly all bets are off for character design.

Of you get called out for being racist, the best thing to do is yodel at the top of your voice. This will make you seem tough, and will intimidate hecklers.

If you're having trouble finishing your novel, have you considered that you might just be a failure? Have you tried digging a hole and crying in it?

It's great, would recommend it.

The best way to redeem a villain is mind control

Reminder, take chicken out of the freezer

So... How bout that harmonica solo?