Many evangelicals really tried hard to be good parents. I know mine did. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t pass on any religious beliefs to us that ended in trauma. Things like “purity culture” can look very appealing on the outside. They didn’t know they were feeding us poison.

I think this is why it’s so hard for many evangelical boomers to admit that some of what they taught us was damaging. They know many of us who grew up in these strict fundamentalist bubbles are deeply wounded, but many hate to admit that they unintentionally harmed their child...

Especially when harming their children was oftentimes the exact opposite of their intentions.

Our parents depended on leaders like Dobson to help them be good parents.

It’s almost like the most eager parents accidentally did the most damage bc they were trying so hard not to.

Part of difficulties in deconstructing an upbringing like this is not understanding for many years why you have so much inner pain when your upbringing seemed exceptional compared to many, but a lot of that is an illusion that we have to break through bc the trauma is very real.

Having these realizations have helped me forgive my parents “for they know not what they did.” They were trying hard to get everything just right too. That’s a painful pill to swallow. I know that forgiveness is the final step of healing, so I hope we find the strength to forgive

I also hope we can find the maturity, healthy boundaries, courage, coping skills and communication skills we were likely never given so that in time we can have these honest & productive conversations with our parents and try to restore some of what has been lost & damaged.

What I do know about God is that He’s in the business of reconciling parents to their children and children to their parents.