Did you know the word “lesbian” is falling out of practice in queer spaces?

The reason has everything to do w/ “lesbian” being the ONLY word in the LGBTQ lexicon that refers to women alone.

That’s right. It’s not just the straights uncomfortable with the “L-word.” Even most QUEER WOMEN use the word “gay” to describe themselves before they EVER use “lesbian.”

Why?

Historians observe that words referring to women tend to “derogate” over time. Meaning they become pejoratives. Whereas words referring to men retain their meaning.

Take for example the word “mistress.” Originally this word referred to the woman in charge of the estate. Now it refers to a skanky lady who sleeps around with married men.

But “mister” still just means “mister.”

Or take “sissy.” Originally this word was a familiar/loving way to refer to a sister. Now it’s a way to accuse someone of being a coward and/or to make fun of effeminate men.

“Buddy,” on the other hand, still just means “buddy.”

Even words referring to female animals tend to derogate, like “bitch.” Feminized animals suffer the same fate—think of “pussy.”

In other words, feminine words become slurs while masculine words stay the same. In fact, it’s common for masculine words that have legitimately NEGATIVE connotations to become neutral or even POSITIVE with time.

Ever heard someone say they’re gonna “pimp” their ride? They’re not talking about a dude who manages prostitutes and takes their money. They’re talking about upgrading their vehicle...making it *better.*

Meanwhile, the word “hussy” went from referring to a “housewife” to referring to a brazen little slut.

The unconscious subtext we all accept: pimp = powerful dude = good; hussy = powerful woman = bad.

So...can you imagine why the word “lesbian” is falling out of practice even amongst women who casually refer to themselves as “gay” on a daily basis?

That’s right. Sexism. Or in the case of women, internalized sexism.

Some ppl blame the stigma attached to the word “lesbian” on the association with trans-exclusive rhetoric. And to be fair, they’re right about one thing. Trans-exclusive rhetoric is dehumanizing and unacceptable.

Trans people can be and are lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, straight, and anything else that human beings are able to be, and rhetoric seeking to exclude trans-people is harmful and violent.

But if transphobia is the reason why “lesbian” is stigmatized, why don’t we see the same thing happening to “gay”? If anything, gay men have a reputation for being not only trans-exclusive but also misogynistic. And yet I STILL hear women calling themselves “gay” all the time.

For some reason, queer AND cishet people are increasingly associating the word “lesbian” w/ whatever they happen to consider to be bad. Gay men aren’t necessarily any better or worse than lesbians, but somehow the things we consider to be bad aren’t sticking to the word “gay.”

Language reflects the values of the culture in which it evolves. In this case, we can see the effects of sexism happening in real time.

Gay = liberated man = good. Lesbian = liberated woman = bad. “Gay” will retain its meaning & become more positive & generally applicable over time. “Lesbian” will ONLY retain its negative connotations & become increasingly a slur over time.

This process has already begun. While the word “gay” hasn’t made the transformation completely, I wouldn’t be surprised if in another 50 years “that’s so gay” is no longer an insult but a compliment. It already IS a compliment in many circles.

As for “lesbian,” many queer women already feel dirty if they use this word to describe themselves. Unless things change, it’ll only worsen w/ time.

Oh and also... check out this book if your interested in learning about the derogation of feminine words! https://www.amazon.com/dp/006286887X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_NEWPS95G8AXK2YW5P3FS

For those responding, please keep in mind that I 100% support bi/pan & non-binary ppl calling themselves lesbians. My point is to describe how masc versus femme words tend to evolve.

Gay originally referred to men. Lesbian originally referred to women. Linguistically, this means we can predict the direction of their evolution.

Masc words tend to become defined by their best elements until they eventually become generalizable and broadly used by pretty much everyone. Femme words tend to become defined by their worst elements until they eventually become niche and, finally, a slur.

This is how masc versus femme words tend to evolve. It’s a well-documented phenomenon and it undergirds why negative associations tend to “stick” to the word lesbian but not gay, even though gay male communities can be just as toxic.