because sometimes that’s just how it goes, you fall in love so deeply that it hurts.
and it’s nothing like those sappy movies, being on cloud nine and never falling off, nothing like that at all.
it’s learning to hold on and to let go when the time is there, even when you know-
that it is way too soon for yourself.
it’s accepting that you cannot change anything about it anymore, and it’s having to remind yourself that there’s no one to blame for it, not even yourself.
it’s learning how to forgive, to forgive yourself of never telling her how you-
truly feel, and to forgive her of not noticing the signs you gave her.
and it’s knowing that this pain won’t end for a long time because words failed you when you should’ve told her that you will miss her, so all you did was nod, and all she did was-
smile back just as painfully as you right before she disappeared.

maybe she feels the same because words failed her too, you think, but then it’s hoping that this word won’t drive you crazy. because maybe she feels the same, maybe she did, and maybe she doesn’t.-
maybe you will see her soon again, maybe in a month, maybe in a year, maybe never again.
it’s discovering that maybe could mean so much, yet so little.
and the painful kind of love, it’s realizing that even the smallest of meanings can make you hope for the better because-
your heart is so full of love for her and you don’t understand how you will find your happy end if she isn’t by your side, so you try to keep that little sparkle of hope inside of you alive.
but then again it’s realizing that villains don’t get happy endings, and knowing that-
the tiny sparkle will die soon.
it’s finding out that in the end, when you have lost all your hope while your heart is still painfully overflowing with love for her, that all there’s left for you is maybe.

because maybe she didn’t love you back, or maybe she did.
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