Alright to my bi/pan people who are specifically attracted to men.

The call in is coming from in the house bc I have something I was thinking ab and I wanna say it here to.

Re: the whole "I wanna date girls/women but I'm stuck with my gross ugly boyfriend/husband/male partner" thing.

I think about this a lot but it's gotten exhausting seeing other bi/pan people acting as if they're held hostage by consensual relationships with men.

And I'm tired of seeing attraction to men be painted as this disgusting thing time and time again bc it's literally just internalized and external biphobia at this point.

But if you are unhappy in relationships with men and you can get online and call your boyfriend all kinds of ugly gross and disgusting to other random queers on the internet while lamenting wanting to date women, maybe- and hear me out- maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship

Personally, I would never kiki with randoms and call any partner of any gender ugly gross and disgusting bc that's literally my chosen person/people. Like I chose to be with them. If I thought they were ugly and gross and disgusting I literally wouldn't be with them

And if it's just hyperbole, think about why you feel it's necessary to frame your attraction to men as this gross moral failing on your part when talking about your attraction to women. You don't have to overlap the two. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.

You aren't held hostage by your attraction to men. You simply are also attracted to them.

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why and you don't owe anyone monosexuality or the exclusion of men from your dating pool if that's not what you want.

If you want to date women... Do that! Literally do that. Nothing is stopping you.

Queer people as whole have to unlearn a lot of shit that we learned under a cisheteronormative society.

That's kinda what we do in order to have healthy dynamics.

So if you wanna date women, pull ya drawers up, work to unlearn some shit and TALK to other women.

I don't like framing women as mythical impossible beings and stripping them of their humanity.

Women are lovely. LOVE them.

But they're human and not one hivemind.

They aren't all the same and treating women as this impossible and unattainable goal is just... Weird and dehumanizing in my opinion.

(Also the whole "attraction to men is gross" thing impacts gay men and is homophobic too but since I'm talking to and about behavior in bi pan circles I centered that. It isn't exclusive to bi/pan people)

And I cannot stress this enough: it is OKAY to be attracted to men.

This might seem unnecessary to some of y'all to state because heterosexuality is literally the norm, but the shame and disgust imparted on bi/pan people who are attracted to men is wholly different.

A lot of bi/pan people lament the fact that there were a lot of missed opportunities to have relationships with women. Whether it be bc of late blooming or just fear. And that's completely normal and okay to talk about.

But we don't have to devalue our attraction to men to do that or even talk about them period.

And I don't want to keep seeing people treat women as a goal to reach.

Women are amazing and I love being surrounded by so many wonderful beautiful women. I love being queer.

Women are human though. And with that means they're different.

And saying "it's hard / scary to date women" just doesn't click for me bc the women themselves aren't the issue.

The issue is the insecurity that comes with not having those experiences already.

So let's have healthy convos on that specially and not *waves hands in air* all of whatever the fuck this has been.

And bc someone left a really good comment about this lemme add that having trauma related to men causing you to have a lot of feelings about your attraction to men is not the same thing as people devaluing their attraction to seem cool and putting women on impossible pedestals.

You aren't dealing with internalized biphobia for feeling uncomfortable with that attraction as a result of trauma

(I mean not unless it starts manifesting as such and in that case maybe something to work on?)

And putting women on impossible pedestals does a lot of harm in a multitude of ways.

Women can be toxic and abusive. You can have an unhealthy relationship with someone who's a woman.

Stop deifying and dehumanizing women.

This deifying also typically is only extended to cis, skinny, abled women.

We see that a lot in the "bi/pan people are attracted to men who look like X and women who look like Y" posts