TV in my lifetime: has mostly consisted of episodes aired weekly. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier : airs an episode weekly. ME: This is an outrage... suddenly I am some sort of television peasant?!

SAM: don’t know if I can be Captain America. EVERYONE WITH ANY SENSE WHO SEES SAM: Gorgeous, incredible, show stopping, would like to tell my friends and neighbours about this captain material. THOSE WITH NO SENSE: sadly also exist. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM’S SISTER: is called Sarah, which means he spends a lot of time saying ‘Trust me Sarah’ and thus I am legally obliged to promise my television that I do, Sam! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

As someone who watched Captain America: Winter Soldier hit the internet, I must warn Bucky Barnes that the internet is not a safe place for him personally. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

A LADY: Black-gloved oddly courtly potential time traveler with elderly wingman, giving serial killer vibes, AND I got asked out in my place of work... and yet... that is a FACE. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier #thestruggleisreal

Bucky’s Therapist: you are haunted by your crimes. Bucky: yes my nine decades of murders. Therapist: I was talking about leaving SAM WILSON on read but go off I guess. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

I hate unjust society, the banks, and their personification in Cottage Cheese Captain Impostor. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

Can’t wait for my eyes to be blessed with Emily from Revenge/Sharon Carter. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

Can’t wait for Sam and Bucky to behold each other. Hope this comes soon: did not sign up for Superpower Bromance Sleepless In Seattle. (Probably would watch that though...) But I must wait. A week! Like a TELEVISION PEASANT. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: I feel like his brother. BUCKY: Which brother? Cain?! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: It’s over Bucky! EVERYONE IN HANGAR: *sudden furious eavesdropping* SAM: what did Captain America always have? BUCKY: Say no more. Whither thou goest I will go & my vibranium arm shall be thy vibranium arm. SAM:... I was talking about the shield. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS GIRLFRIEND: everyone is gonna love you: SARAH: this lady may have many strengths but one thing she does not have is her finger on the pulse of the internet. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Why must you stare at me with creepy intensity? What are you thinking? BUCKY: That I wanna put a shield on it. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: I thought this shield came with two free toy boys! Why u mad? SAM: You’re Captain America instead of me. Cops harass me. A former superhero was unjustly imprisoned, what is the common link here, what could it be... #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: Gonna be making time with my asset, not to invoke memories of being Russia’s Greatest Death Machine or anything. BUCKY: That is absolutely not America’s ass and I am absolutely not your asset! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

BUCKY’S THERAPIST: Your therapy is playing footsie with and gazing soulfully at Sam Wilson. SAM: That doesn’t sound right. BUCKY: Doctor’s orders!!! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Gotta handle evil supersoldiers plot but don’t wanna work w/America’s Fake Ass. BUCKY: Gross, no! Let’s ask a supervillain. SAM: Like Silence of the Lambs! BUCKY: Or Hannibal as we’re dudes. SAM: I don’t think this show is going to a Hannibal place. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

Glad Sam and Bucky rolling like thunder through fields of clover etc but can’t believe I have to wait yet another week to behold Emily from Revenge/Sharon Carter! This waiting a week stuff is for the birds, Word of Honor doesn’t do me this way. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

Next week I hope for: Sharon, Sam’s sister Sarah, and obviously for Sam and Bucky to engage further in their most gripping and vital activity: discussion of classic fantasy literature. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

Sam: how to tell if he’s a bad partner... does he a) escalate conflicts, b) disrespect personal decisions, or c) RELEASE SUPERVILLAINS ON AN UNSUSPECTING WORLD? Bucky: if there’s no d) all of the above he’s an unambitious partner and you deserve the best. #TFATWS

PREVIOUS MOVIE VILLAIN: I’m reading Machiavelli’s lesser known work, Reading Material That’s Terribly On the Nose. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

Bucky: you supported Steve in the Bucky is my Homeboy Accords & I’m asking you to do it again. Sam: I wasn’t supporting, I led the charge. Bucky: *blushes* Sam: omg it was not about you, it was a human rights issue. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

VILLAIN: I’m super rich and royalish and I have a fancy plane and all sorts of power markers. SAM: A massively rich person is evil and entitled? The shock! Take me to the fainting plane. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: You didn’t like mine and Steve’s song? BUCKY: ... You & I could have a song! SAM: I’m not having a song with some fool who disrespects Marvin Gaye. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

PREVIOUS MOVIE VILLAIN DUDE: it’s a crucial part of my master plan that Sam wear a fancy waistcoat and Bucky leather gear. SAM: Are you... are you confusing a master plan with a roleplay scenario? #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: walk in the club like what up the decor is golden fanged monkey skulls & the drinks have snakes in them NO SERIOUSLY WHAT UP, what is wrong with you people? SAM: I mean... yummy. My Starbucks order is always a grande latte, extra snake. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

PREVIOUS MOVIE VILLAIN DUDE: Bucky, do the winter soldier. SAM: I am once more asking you to keep it PG at the gold skulls night club. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

PREVIOUS MOVIE VILLAIN DUDE: I know what women want. NEW LADY VILLAIN: to kill you in the face? PMVD: Sebastian Stan to obey their every wish. NEW LADY VILLAIN: ... ok I’m listening. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

BUCKY: murder eyes VILLAIN: must deploy Bucky, what else would one do with a killing machine hand? SAM:... Hold it. BUCKY: heart eyes SAM: Gosh, I mean stop killing people. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SHARON CARTER: helping you guys ruined my life. BUCKY: help us! SHARON: I have to ask, what is my motivation in this scene? #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: This shield comes with too many strings! SHARON: what if I said no strings while you wear no shirts? As you may recall from the movies Bucky is Captain America’s bride & I’m Captain America’s sexy side piece... think about it, Sam. BUCKY: Yeah, think about it, Sam! #TFATWS

SHARON CARTER: wrestles thugs, pistol whips them, strangles thug with her leg. ME: wow what an honor for them. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: I have genuine concern for every human life ME: Sam is so good. BUCKY: Sam and Sharon must be preserved, everything else can be flaming wreckage, smashed into little bits like ants by a shoe that’s on fire. ME: Bucky is so relatable. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SENSITIVE MANBUN TERRORIST: do you remember our dreams n aspirations? TERRORIST LADY: I have just blown up a building with people inside. SENSITIVE MANBUN: ah so we’re TERRORIST terrorists. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SHARON: You people are wanted by the entire city so it’s safest for you to hide in this night club. ME: Sharon, you’re sooo pretty, but... I have questions... #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Nonstop night clubs and explosions and supersoldiers and worst of all, damn fool decisions—why did I even sign up for The Falcon & The Endless White Nonsense? #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

In this ep of #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier I was less into the previous villain dude than everyone else but I 100% support Sharon Carter in a life of crime so I am still at heart a rake! If Sam & Sharon marry maybe Bucky could hit it off with Sam’s sister...? We shall see.

BUCKY: Wakanda provides better therapy than the US government. AYO OF WAKANDA: Imagine my surprise. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SAM & BUCKY: How will we find Terrorist Lady? PREVIOUS MOVIE VILLAIN: So I’m gonna lure children to me with candy. Turkish Delight. SAM: he’s copying the villainous plan from Narnia? The Lion, the Witch & the Audacity... #FalconAndWinterSoldier

FAKE CAPTAIN ASS: do u think you can get a terrorist lady to stop doing terrorism with just your kind heart and warm sincere brown eyes— SAM: yes but please stop making it weird. BUCKY: that’s his exact plan & it’s foolproof! #FalconAndWinterSoldier

CAPTAIN AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: that’s your partner in there talking 2 a terrorist. BUCKY: mine & Sam’s relationship status is COMPLICATED! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Why do you guys call yourselves Flag Smashers? How do you smash a flag. Do you dip it in liquid nitrogen & shatter it with a hammer? TERRORIST: perhaps terrorism isn’t the answer... you are very handsome. FAKE ASS: hi! TERRORIST: I just remembered I hate America. #TFATWS

PREVIOUS MOVIE VILLAIN: Speaking as a mass murderer, supersoldiers are corrupt. Except Steve Rogers. SAM: Ah yes, Bucky was so ready to do evil that he had to be *checks notes* brainwashed until he forgot his own name? #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: The Dora Milaje of Wakanda can’t arrest murderers here! AYO: Excuse me, Captain Latvia? #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

DORA MILAJE: *beat Fake Captain America like a gong* SAM: Bucky... the sanctity of human life... BUCKY: WHO RULE THE WORLD? GIRLS! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Bucky do something. BUCKY: Absolutely! I’ll fetch popcorn. SAM: ... BUCKY: Also raisinets! Sam please let me have this. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

MS DORA MILAJE: I got this shield maybe I keep it? AYO: uh, people see it as a symbol of America and Bucky Barnes may try to marry you. MS DORA MILAJE: Ew, never mind. BUCKY: I hope that ‘Ew’ was for Ewmerica! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: it’s all so easy for you. BUCKY: the most chill thing that has happened to me in 90 years was falling screaming into a crevasse. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

AMERICA’S FAKE ASS: do u think I would be an awesome super soldier? FAKE ASS’S BFF: Yes, but I also didn’t say ‘don’t take that shield ur embarrassing us in front of god & Sam Wilson’ so basically I’m too soft-hearted to tell the truth about how ur ass looks at the mall. #TFATWS

SAM: So a terrorist called up my sister to demand my company & a coworker keeps acting like when I gave a shield to a museum, I pawned our betrothal ring for gin money. I have to ask myself is there such a thing as being TOO good-looking? #TheFalconAndWinterSoldier

TERRORIST LADY: wow how could you think I would hurt the children I explicitly threatened by name to their terrified mother? SAM: A mystery that, perhaps, we will never solve. #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

BUCKY: The shield is drenched in blood! SAM: Yes this whole time I’ve been trying to tell you about the complicated legacy of—oh for God’s SAKE, Fake Captain Overly Literal America! #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier

In the continuing adventures of #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier Fake Captain America in another of his many crimes clearly hasn’t watched Black Panther & every supersoldier who meets Sam tries to lock that down. Relatable but since Fake just took the serum...? Chilling. RUN SAMUEL!

Fake Captain America strikes again. Sam is a poetic, beautiful swan and Fake Ass has taken his wings! #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

ISAIAH BRADLEY: Let me speak on the legacy of double standards and this shield— AUDIENCE: Acting irresistible. I’m convinced. Let’s pack up this Captain America shizz, it’s over. SAM: Wait, but the franchise... whoa, speech game too strong. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SARAH WILSON: let’s spend this episode fixing our family boat. SAM: Because the past is painful and important but the future is redeemable? SARAH W: also because this way I can be a sea captain. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: My community is helping me fix my boat, in a spirit of togetherness and partnership. However we might need a forklift for this— BUCKY: hi! My love language is acts of superservice. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SARAH W: Hi. BUCKY: Important mission update—there are 2 beautiful Wilson siblings. Aside from my whole life so far, all I do is win! #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Sorry Sarah, this tragic individual in a tight t-shirt keeps trying to marry me. SARAH: So he’s handy... and single. BUCKY: ...YeSsss! SAM: oh NO. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

BUCKY: it would be such a shame if I had to stay over... and there was only one bed... SAM: u will be sleeping on the couch. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

SAM: Don’t flirt with my sister she’s busy with her kids. BUCKY: Kids are so cute, especially when playing with recent murder weapons. SAM: Don’t marry my sister! BUCKY: Marry me yourself, coward! #FalconAndWinterSoldier

BUCKY: think we’re building something rly beautiful together. SAM: it’s a boat. BUCKY: this ship sails itself! SAM: it’s a boat. BUCKY: Anyway, if Sarah will marry me, I can still use the towels I got monogrammed. What is it like to lose? Guess I’ll never know! #tfatws

BUCKY: Sorry I was insensitive & pushy. Marriage jokes aside— SAM: Finally, clarity. BUCKY: It’s just this metal circle is a symbol that means my vow of unbreakable partnership and the prospect of joining a family! SAM: ohhh dear. #tfatws

BUCKY: So we may not be making Captain America: Civil Partnership. SAM: How about Captain America: Coworkers? BUCKY: Fine, we’re just a couple of guys... wearing our shirts. Really WEARING them. Call me? SAM: I will call you. When the villain plot kicks in. #tfatws

FAKE ASS: Cannot believe I got ‘fired’ for ‘murder.’ I’ll show them! I made this new shield with a box full of scraps. So... it’s a collection of scraps painted red... I guess I am neither Captain America nor Tony Stark. #FalconAndWinterSoldier

SAM: so I gotta work on myself. SARAH W: Bro, nobody who knows you thinks you need to do that. SAM: I mean on my physical fitness. SARAH W: Bro, nobody who has ever SEEN you thinks you need to do that. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

OTHER VILLAINS: get arrested or plot against corrupt politicians. AUDIENCE: I only know Isaiah Bradley’s speech and BOAT. #TheFalconAndTheWinterSoldier

As I have been socially distancing for 1 year & vaccines not yet available to me in Ireland I certainly have no comment on Sam’s shield workout! Glad this franchise has a living Sarah—as a generic lady name, Sarahs are often dead wives—& I support her wifing up Bucky . #tfatws

The Boat hit so hard I think because it was a great Touchstone Moment—the space where you prove characters can work together & be happy if given a chance, which isn’t truly a lull but increases tension by providing more stakes if All—including the chance—Is Lost! #tfatws

Touchstone Moments do not work at the very beginning but I would always like to see more! Here’s hoping for more of the surprise star of the show, The Boat, in the #TFATWSFINALE — but tomorrow I shall be watching @LBardugo’s #ShadowAndBone because Crows before superhos.