it’s funny and deeply frustrating that our society believes it’s complicated to figure out if someone is autistic, ND, or NT when honest answers to just a few questions could tell you definitively bc every group thinks fundamentals of the other groups’ brains don’t even exist
people usually can’t do or believe that bc it requires you to truly believe that the other ways of thinking really exist and accept that they are literally impossible for our brains to do or even imagine so we have to believe in the existence of a thing that seems impossible
it also requires you to really accept that what you think it would mean if that neurotype actually exists only means that from your neurotype’s perspective, because other brains value different things and you have to accept that as valid even though your brain can’t understand it
it initially surprised me that autistic & ND people are usually just as resistant as NTs to believing the other groups’ brains truly exist and have a very hard time not judging them through their neurotype’s perspective but ultimately it was a relief. it’s one true commonality!
it’s so hurtful to have allistics refuse to believe that the way my brain works is a real thing but i can’t be hurt by it now i know we do it too - it is just that hard for human brains to believe it bc we can’t imagine it - bc our brains are just THAT different! and that’s cool!
i’ll tell you now what these fundamental differences are even though i know lots of people will get mad and not believe what i say about the other groups. whatever description you believe... yeah that’s your answer. and people will insist i’m wrong! but i’m not lol
do you believe that a neurotype could naturally think in a way that always must consider the impact on others and cannot prioritize their own feelings & wants over those of other people, even if they want to, even if the other people are a hypothetical group they don’t know?
if you’re unsure - do you believe many people’s brains could work that way and it doesn’t mean they fight the urge to prioritize themselves, but that their brain must prioritize whomever would be impacted more & choosing themselves takes effort bc they worry they are selfish?
if you think that’s impossible bc all humans naturally consider themselves first - that it’s a fundamental of human nature, survival, life on earth that could only change for a reason like having a kid, becoming a priest, or trauma making you hate yourself - you’re not autistic
in the NT perspective it’s logical and often good for humans to prioritize themselves and to say that any brain doesn’t do that is offensive bc it’s a lie to make yourself look better than other people or it means you think you’re better. it MUST be about status. can’t just exist
autistic people often think if this isn’t something everyone’s brain does, that would have to mean i’m saying# NTs are bad people and they’re better & their brain isn’t comfy with that answer. but it doesn’t mean that. NTs have a different definition of what makes a person good
for NTs, humans naturally putting themselves first doesn’t mean they’re bad - it’s a law of nature. being a good person is about resisting bad urges and following good ones. prioritizing yourself is survival. bad people are doing it and to let them win would be morally wrong
there is logic to that! not evil! you have to acknowledge that. to refuse to believe NT brains work that way bc you think it’s mean is to insist on judging others based on how your brain works & refusing to accept that what their brain values is equally valid & deserves respect.
to see & get that was a relief to me - it’s both kinder and feels much more realistic than “i’m inexplicably a better person,” which is irrational. it takes no effort to think the way i do. an NT who fights their ego to put others first is arguably a much better person than i am
when i finally truly understood the difference between our brains i cried with relief. i’d agonized all year about why friends i knew were good people weren’t quarantining - how could they not care about the people it could impact? but now i knew it didn’t mean they don’t care!
my brain won’t let me not think about the people i could harm & feel their pain, & all the pain caused by covid, just as intensely as if it were my own. my friends’ brains don’t feel that and decide not to care. hypothetical people’s pain isn’t visceral for them, but theirs is.
is it objectively better for a brain to be incapable of blocking out the pain of people you don’t know & can’t do anything about? is that a more logical design? i don’t think so! the rational answer is that both are good in their worldview & have different strengths & drawbacks
this doesn’t mean we have to agree that what other neurotypes think is good is good. we are built with our perspective and it’s ok to use our perspective - nature clearly intended for us to do that. it means we don’t have to hate others. there’s no objectively better perspective
ok, next scenario. if a colleague at work told you that you were doing a part of your job wrong and should do it another way they think is better - do you think they said it to make you feel or look bad or so they’d look smart? would it make you feel bad or offend you?
if they said they had no idea it could and weren’t trying to be rude or hurtful, they were just talking about the task and not you as a person or your ability - does that sound believable to you? does it sound reasonable, or is it so obvious that anyone should know it’s rude?
does it hurt immediately but after it subsides & you think about it rationally you see their perspective and may change your mind, or do you trust your gut and stay sure of it? do these situations confuse & stress you out and make you wonder if you did something wrong?
or does it feel clear-cut, they said something obviously rude/condescending/hurtful/unnecessary, are in the wrong, & should apologize? think about which reaction feels more natural & immediate to your brain. what’s the impulse, or what was it before you learned what others think?
autistics think it’s rational to focus on facts. a task is not a part of a person so it’s natural for our brains to be oriented towards seeing this merely as a work convo and not taking it personally bc it doesn’t make sense why it would be. we might be happy if it’s a good idea
we can even miss instances when it definitely was intended to hurt our feelings, or if we see the intent, not understand why it’s supposed to hurt & instead analyze why it would be happening at all, and maybe have feelings about it based on what it means about that relationship
this is just our natural orientation - we are good at pattern recognition and can learn many communication norms so well they feel instinctual - but it wasn’t at first. being hurt by that does not feel like the only logical reaction and probably feels irrational & unnecessary
we can develop trauma responses and become very sensitive or hurt by these situations but that is because we don’t intuitively feel them so we get them wrong sometimes, no matter how much we learn, and we’ve been affected by people being inexplicably angry at & misinterpreting us
NTs have a very hard time believing that anyone could possibly not feel or understand these things - it feels clearly inherent, natural, and logical. a much more rational explanation is that people pretend not to get it so they seem unaffected - denying the intent is a strategy
status and social hierarchy seems to NTs such a natural and immutable fact of life that everyone must value it and they pretend they don’t so they don’t feel low status. it’s hard to imagine it’s even really possible to not communicate through subtext, body language, and tone
if someone really can’t get the cues, to an NT that would be awful. social life is so important & not being part of it means an unfulfilling life. this is a big part of why NTs focus on training autistic people to act neurotypical and define us in terms of how well we can do it
for many NTs, saying an autistic kid can never get these cues & will never fit in NT society feels as cruel as NDs think it is to say NTs prioritize what benefits them. to admit that would feel like giving up on their kid & relegating them to a sad, lonely existence.
it’s very hard for them to believe that autistic people are much happier when we can pursue our interests and not have to hang out with people we can’t connect with who talk about things we find boring. it’s hard to imagine we feel more joy doing something that seems pointless
for allistic NDs, it doesn’t feel that simple. they do feel the pain that NTs feel from implicit communication of status, but they might feel like their initial reaction isn’t how they actually feel and they feel differently after the hurt subsides & they analyze it rationally
they agonize over these situations and tend to blame themselves for not getting it or handling it poorly, or by trying to figure out what they did wrong & having no idea what it was. they often blame themselves for being too sensitive, awkward, weird, stupid, or judgmental
this is currently known as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and many NDs think it’s their inherent inability to handle rejection, a deficit NDs have - but it’s a logical response to trauma, believing NTs’ criticisms, & fruitless attempts to stop these situations from happening
Allistic NDs can learn many ways to communicate and process their feelings, but they’ll always still feel that initial hurt reaction even if they learn to immediately defuse it, whereas autistic brains don’t innately react by taking things personally and NTs believe everyone does
allistic NDs have the hardest time believing that my descriptions of the neurotypes are true bc it’s very hard to believe that any brains wouldn’t do both types of processing and to say that would mean they’re better than other people. it feels too mean, too limiting to be true
lots of allistic NDs believe they’re NT and that my description of NTs is mean - but they don’t realize that their process doesn’t actually work the same as in NTs. it can’t bc their divergence is always there & affects how they use & interpret the instinctual process NTs use
think back to the workplace criticism. NTs also feel hurt by it and they’re equally sensitive to rejection - but they don’t agonize over whether it was their fault and blame themselves. they see it as clearly the other person’s fault. that person MADE them feel this way.
it is logical to them that the other person is responsible for making them feel better, and they only can feel better if the other person apologizes/is punished/feels bad/etc. it is preferable to stay hurt about something than let the other person get away with it. that’s unfair.
it makes no sense to NTs that NDs would care more about pointless facts than people’s feelings. the emotional result of communication is the point for them more than the exchange of data & and that feels objectively true. feeling good is better than feeling bad, always, duh.
it took me a while but i now see the logic behind that and why they’d think that obviously it’s more important than sharing facts. it’s not how my brain feels, but i can see how that’s a perfectly reasonable way for a brain to work and why it seems it must be universally true
autistic people really don’t feel that way at all - and it’s not a lack of empathy or humanity. the exchange of information feels so clearly the point of communication, and for us it is. our brains demand lots of data & need it to function. feelings aren’t objective truth
autistic people would rather be told the truth even if people think it would hurt our feelings. people trying to protect our feelings makes us feel worse bc we know it’s not the full truth so we still don’t understand the situation and that gives us anxiety. we NEED to understand
autistic people would rather understand than feel good. we’d rather know all the bad stuff than have people downplay it. once we understand a situation, we can figure out how to handle it and feel about it. the facts inform the feelings so they must come first. we require that
autistics cannot truly believe something we can’t rationally justify, especially if we think it is a self-serving narrative. thinking you’re always in the right is irrational, and irrationality is intolerable to our brains. we can’t stand it, even if it’s a narrative we’d prefer
we’re very resistant to narratives that we’d like to be true, and many tend to believe that the narrative we’d least prefer is probably the one that’s true. we need a lot of evidence to believe something that feels too flattering to ourselves, until it’s irrational to deny it.
Allistic NDs tend to think that way, too - but their initial emotional reaction often differs from what they ultimately decide is the rational interpretation. That can lead to judging their emotional reactions harshly and feeling selfish, overly sensitive, weak, inherently flawed
Allistic NDs, especially those who think they’re NT, believe everyone’s brain does that. They have selfish desires, but they analyze them and if it feels too unjustified, they can’t act on it. They hurt people sometimes but not on purpose - they’re trying their best.
The checks & balances their brains use feel so much like the rational way for a human brain to work that they assume everyone’s brains do the same thing. if i say otherwise, they often feel i am denigrating NTs, saying they’re selfish & irrational. but those are ND fears, not NT
NTs do not agonize about if they are wrong, or if they’re selfish, or that it’s irrational to think their perspective is always right. It’s the most rational. NT brains believe in a lot more universal truths than NDs do bc social constructs are real for them. Clear right & wrong
That’s why you hear conservatives say trans people can’t exist bc “a man is a man! that’s a biological fact.” The social construct that defines what a man is in their social group is not just one perspective, it’s not an arbitrary thing people made up, it’s a universal truth.
To them, what’s irrational is to pretend the laws of nature aren’t real and make up a bunch of imaginary crap. It can’t be from a genuine belief bc they don’t think that’s possible, so it must be for attention, a mental illness, evil, or bitterness. They need God and a job!
NT brains are built around a very strong self-protection mechanism. They are very resistant towards and unlikely to believe a narrative that would mean they’re wrong or make them feel bad. Their brains resist feeling bad as much as autistic brains resist feeling irrational.
Can we say that it’s bad for a living being to have a strong survival instinct? Is it rational to insist that it’s superior for a brain to constantly worry that it’s wrong? NTs aren’t racked with depression and anxiety. They get pissed. What’s good for them IS what is right.
NDs think it’s mean to believe that but I can fucking assure you, NTs do not wish their brain worked like yours. They don’t think your way is better or more rational. It’s weak, lacks morals, believes in irrational fantasies. It’s defined in terms of deficit to their way, too
It really is insulting to refuse to believe that a neurotype is fundamentally different from yours bc you think that it’s a flaw. It doesn’t make you a better person, it makes you closed-minded, believing the story that feels better to you. And it causes actual harm.
It’s not kind to insist brains do things they aren’t built for & get mad at them when they can’t do it. It is not kind to disbelieve that instinctual NT social norms are impossible for me and fitting in with NTs will never happen. It means I will keep disappointing you forever
It hurts me a lot to have people refuse to believe that my brain works the way it does bc it sounds so awful to them that to believe it would be cruel. That sucks for me. I don’t think being me is awful and I don’t wish I was NT bc I don’t think being NT is superior- but they do
I’ve had allistic NDs refuse to believe that I didn’t see any reason why something I said would be interpreted as hurtful and that I truly don’t communicate with subtext and angrily insist that I was intentionally condescending. That’s the result of refusing to believe I *can’t*
Expecting NTs to think like us is equally hurtful. We think it’s mean to say NTs need to see a personal benefit to be motivated to do something and then call them heartless and uncaring when they can’t stay motivated to quarantine all year for public health bc it sucks for them
NTs are equally capable of caring about others, wanting to do right by them, & those intellectual beliefs can overpower their strongest instincts - within limits. They can’t make their brains turn that into part of their instinctual decision process. It’s not a lack of morals.
NTs don’t think it’s more moral to put others over yourself if it hurts you, and to insist it is means you think the way they are and the things they think are good about them are too awful for you to acknowledge as real. that’s irrational insistence your way is universal truth
NTs will probably feel that’s condescending bc it is predicated on me saying I don’t think in ways they deeply believe everyone does, and it feels insulting to insinuate I believe they’re emotional - they don’t think they’re emotional, they’re right. Being emotional = being wrong
It make us bad people to not accept their narrative as true. They’re going to keep insisting it’s true. You have to be ok with that. Your brain is not inferior and neither is theirs - they are built for different things & nature did that on purpose. it’s an evolutionary advantage
NTs will have the hardest time believing the differences exist. it feels unreal & their brains don’t consider other perspectives with equal weight. But I urge NDs to open their minds to accept the existence of these differences - and it’s not just for them. It’s for your survival
NTs know on a deep level how awful people can be, often intentionally. They don’t need to be reminded of that, so they think the kind thing to do is reassure people it won’t be that bad, that not everyone is like that. It makes them feel better but you cannot take it as fact.
NDs tend to know the harm people can cause to an extent, but they believe it’s unintentional and they think the limits they naturally feel on what they’ll do out of self-interest exist for everyone. NDs who think they’re NT feel that way very strongly & don’t let it go easily
Refusing to acknowledge that other people will hurt you intentionally in ways you find unfathomable - and they won’t even believe it’s wrong - makes you horribly vulnerable and susceptible to manipulation, especially from people you’re close to. Abusers target you bc of that.
It makes you a terrible ally. It leads to the belief that oppression people tell you is intentional isn’t as serious as they say it is, that it can be fixed with some open dialogue and education. Your empathy for the oppressor will make you fail to adequately defend the oppressed
I am honestly begging allistic NDs to stop downplaying human cruelty bc it is an abdication of your responsibility to autistic people. we rely on you to tell us the truth about the things you can instinctually feel that we can’t. we do not know what people are capable of. at all.
When everyone tells autistics that people are basically good and doing their best, that sometimes they hurt others but not out of bad intent, that is the only reality we have to go on. We will excuse & justify people abusing us bc we think they’re doing their best & don’t mean to
We don’t need to be comforted, we need to be informed. We don’t need to hear “not everyone’s like that” when we don’t know that anyone IS like that, or what “like that” even means. We don’t know it’s even possible for people to not consider or care how their actions affect others
Nobody ever told me about any of that until I met my allistic ND best friend as an adult. She pointed out people who were using me and what they wanted and it blew my mind. I had zero ability to see it or know that I had enough of anything people would even want to use me for
NTs aren’t going to be honest with us, sometimes bc it wouldn’t benefit them, sometimes bc they truly think that’s unkind, and mostly bc that’s just not how their culture works. They think we’re acting innocent, pretending not to understand status in order to gain status.
Autistics have a hard time believing there’s any validity to the NT belief in malicious intent bc we’re often on the receiving end of it, our words interpreted as having only one possible meaning, and it’s one we can’t comprehend. We find NT interpretations dramatic & irrational
One of the wildest, most unexpected realizations I had while learning to understand the different neurotypes is I realized NTs aren’t dramatic and irrational, making everything about them when it’s not personal at all - they are often accurately interpreting NT intentions.
The problem is they interpret everyone like they’re NT and refuse to believe that we’re being honest... but that’s a rational interpretation. Usually people ARE lying when they deny their intentions. They do actually try to subtly make other people feel bad to boost their status
The more I let go of preconceptions & allowed myself to fully accept things that didn’t feel possible could still be real, the more I saw the logic, purpose, and value of each neurotype – and how intentional it is for our brains to work the way they do. None of us are an accident
If it’s hard to believe that many people’s brains run on a thought process that always prioritizes their self-interest and in their worldview that’s rational and morally right bc everything IS personal and part of a competition for social status... there’s a 0% chance you’re NT
If it’s hard to believe that anyone’s brain is NOT set up for self-interest and people who claim that are lying to cover up their bad intentions, that you can always tell who has bad intentions bc you trust your gut, and you’re always right bc you’re a good person - you’re NT
If you think everyone has an ego and selfishness they fight to overcome and a rational process that weighs that self-interest with that of others, bc that’s what good people do and people try to do what is right, and people cause harm sometimes but not intentionally - you’re ND
If that seems impossible bc that’s what being a good person is - you’re taking NT values way more literally and inflexibly than they do. Their brain feels confident that what is good for them is good. They don’t see themselves as selfish - they see it as a law of human nature.
To NTs, everything is personal. They don’t hold themselves to the same standard they hold others to bc they feel sure that what they do is justified. When they do something morally questionable they don’t feel bad bc they’re positive everyone is doing that and not admitting it.
The distinctions in the worldviews and perspectives I’ve laid out are definitive bc they are what constitutes the essential difference between the neurotypes. Taking the words and actions of others and assuming they come from the intentions and values you hold is a mistake.
NDs taking NT words at face value will always be a bad idea. That’s not how their communication works. They are intensely status conscious, it’s as real & factual to them as water & air. They won’t do anything to lower their status, it’s incompatible with their survival instinct
NTs see ND lack of status consciousness as either a weakness or a ruse, so their criticisms and judgments will *never* apply to NDs. They are not doing what you are doing. They are playing by different rules. ND brains are built for flexibility and seeing different perspectives
That means it IS up to NDs to understand the differences between the neurotypes and appreciate that they are all tailored to do different things, recognize what ND brains are made for, and advocate for it. Understanding our brains is our job and only we can and will do it.
NTs always hold NDs to a standard they don’t hold themselves to so NDs absolutely cannot accept that standard. We have to accept that this whole time, we’ve been in a competition we didn’t know we were in. The explaining ourselves, the apologizing only defeated us in their eyes.
NTs don’t want to understand you or play by your rules. They think they already understand you and that no matter what you say, you have to be playing by theirs. I hope I’ve successfully made the case that no neurotype can or should be defined in terms of deficit to another.
The good thing about NTs that bodes well for our shared human future is that while they aren’t built to understand other perspectives, they don’t have to understand things to know or respect them. ND brains require that, theirs don’t. They just need a cultural norm to respect.
NTs will continue to see ND brains as defective for as long as we allow them to. Remember - they see their feelings as caused by others. They do not and will not feel a responsibility to change their opinion of us. Their world has clear answers & rn we don’t fit into any of them
Their culture expects us to advocate for ourselves - maybe that will help you see how what feels like selfishness to us really can be a virtue in their world. They think it is your job to advocate for your self-interest bc the world will crush you if you don’t. They’re right.
Right now the hierarchy of the world was set up by NTs, according to their rules, intended for their benefit. Begging them to see our humanity won’t work. Appeasement and respectability politics are defeat. They’re a competitive breed of human and we’re not. They are crushing us.
Don’t refuse to see that bc it feels mean - learn to see their perspective. Your brain CAN do it. They see life as a zero sum game and bc they think we do too, they think we’d change the world to a different hierarchy with them at the bottom. Their survival instinct is engaged.
But WE know that hierarchy isn’t real, status isn’t real, competition isn’t human nature for everyone. Changing the world so it benefits us will not hurt them. We really don’t want to crush them back. We won’t. We truly are not the same, they just believe we are. We must get that
It’s not mean to want to survive. It doesn’t make you a good person to let someone crush and destroy you. It definitely doesn’t make you a good person to abandon the people who need you the most because standing up against their oppression makes you feel mean and icky.
If you’ve read this thread and you don’t identify with my description of NTs and see it as a clear statement of human nature, if you had a hard time believing it completely instead of a hard time believing it’s not true of everyone - you are not NT & it is immoral to say you are.
NDs have a moral imperative to identify as ND and ally themselves with other allistic NDs & autistic people. Allistic NDs have a moral responsibility not to aid NTs in gaslighting autistic people. You must respect what autistic people can and can’t do & work WITH, not against us.
NDs have a moral responsibility to reject narratives of shame and deficit NTs use to define us. If you let them crush you, if you let them crush us, that is an abject moral failure. That has to be more intolerable to you than their criticism, their rejection.
NTs are built for competition and social hierarchy and that’s how their values and standards are set. Autistics are built to see outside of that, to see other ways of doing things, to come up with new ideas. We’re not supposed to fit this system. That’s not what we do.
Allistic NDs are built to cross worlds, to interpret them to each other. That’s a gift but also a burden & a responsibility. The pain of not fitting in to a hierarchy you feel but can’t perfectly navigate is acute. Allying with autistic people helps you appreciate your divergence
Allistic & autistic NDs are made the way we are on purpose & built for cooperation. We need each other and without each other we can’t truly be ourselves. Evolution didn’t intend all of us to do everything. Our skills are complementary. We’re supposed to change the world together
I was able to figure all this stuff out bc it’s been my lifelong project. I’m a very abstract thinker so I can see many perspectives - I have to, bc I need a big picture to understand things. I was raised by NDs and not made to feel ashamed of what made me unique. That was luck.
All that made me confident and good at talking to people, but completely incapable of succeeding within a hierarchy. Trying to fit into systems, even to survive within them, is impossible for me. I can’t do that. I’m not supposed to. I do other things.
The ability to feel the rules of the hierarchy, know the parts of human nature people downplay to make themselves feel better, and navigate the daily life of a society I can’t understand always eluded me - I never could have figured all this out on my own. I can’t survive here.
I never would have been able to understand myself, much less the perspectives of the various neurotypes, without my allistic ND best friend. She can put emotional processes into words so I can understand them. She lets me ask an infinite number of questions about how she thinks
She took some pressures of NT life off of me. After I had a meltdown at Ralphs she started grocery shopping without me. She goes to the laundromat for me. Those things take an entire day’s worth of energy out of me, but not out of her. She helped me stop feeling shame about that
I’ve been able to become myself thanks to her - and I’ve done the same for her in return. The abstract thought my brain can’t shut off brought her ideas her brain was hungry for. The rules so don’t exist for me that I helped her stop judging herself by them. I saw her strengths.
I was the first person who ever truly understood her, and she was the first person who ever truly understood me. We helped each other see ourselves - not in terms of deficit, but how we really are. That’s why I know how powerful autistic & allistic NDs are together.
Seeing people for how they truly are is kindness. Seeing yourself as whole, as valuable, as a perspective the world needs and is meant to be shaped by as part of the big picture of humanity, that’s love. These stories of shame, bitterness, & deficit are ours to let go of.
I did not intend to spend a day off and on turning this into a twitter manifesto but I felt like it was coming out so clearly and cohesively that I just kept having more to say and I appreciate everyone who read all the way through! I definitely plan to compile it into an essay
I figured I’d wrap it up with some thoughts about what you can do with all this information.
It might take a bit to let this shift in perspective settle and be able to peer into your mind, under the layers of trauma & life experience, to know your honest answers to the questions
It might take a bit to let this shift in perspective settle and be able to peer into your mind, under the layers of trauma & life experience, to know your honest answers to the questions
What you can’t do is go back. Don’t retreat into comfortable explanations. Don’t put your walls back up. You know things about yourself & other people you didn’t before and you have to let that change you. It will challenge you. You’ll see systemic oppression you couldn’t before
If you’re struggling with the idea of not seeing yourself in terms of deficit bc your brain causes you so much pain - I see you. I’m not saying your pain isn’t real and a mindset shift will fix it. I am saying your pain is so real that only a complete restructuring of society can
I am saying a mindset shift is required to understand the scale of the problems and the solutions they require. It’s required to know the world we need to create. It’s required so you know you deserve it. I deserve it. We all do. Hierarchy can’t be tweaked, it has to be abolished
I am saying that what you have seen as your morality & goodness is a comforting story you’ve told yourself that lets you off the hook. Pretending the world is kind doesn’t make it kind. You have to start walking towards things that feel uncomfortable bc that’s how change happens
You can’t believe what NTs have said about you or themselves - bc that’s interpreting them like they’re ND. Interpret everyone through the lens of their neurotype - especially yourself. Believe that the reasons NTs don’t communicate explicitly are real. The competition is real.
There are two layers of reality & we obscure both when we confuse them with each other. There’s the abstract reality, where my autistic brain lives. Then there’s the social reality, where the NT brain lives. The abstract is our essential, universal, core reality. It’s who we are
The social reality is how we are - what we are experiencing, what we’re affected by, all the social constructs, roles, and norms that inform how people see us and treat us. For NTs, this is THE reality. It is. That’s ok. Their brains are built to run on that operating system.
But for NDs, the social reality is not and never will be reality. It’s not who we are, it doesn’t reflect our essential nature, it has no room for us to be who we’re meant to be. That’s how it can be true that your brain is perfect while your experience of it is torture.
That’s why NTs will NEVER be able to tell you who you are, but they believe they’re the only ones who can. They can’t see you and never will. Trust that what they believe is reality is reflective of the norms of social reality. They’re right. They know it innately and we do not.
This is also why the social skills deficit perceived in autistic people is not real. Don’t think you can’t be autistic if you’re comfortable talking to people. You can’t be autistic if you constantly feel status in the subtext of language and always have. That’s the difference.
If you don’t constantly intuit an emotional experience of status and feel that everything has subtext and a reason behind it, if you say things just bc they’re interesting, you can’t be NT. They don’t see facts as interesting. They’re not communicating information. It’s status.
I know it’s an overused reference but it’s a great one made by two clearly ND minds - the social reality is the Matrix. It feels real. It’s not. Playing by their rules is agreeing that you are inferior and will stay on the bottom of the hierarchy. Never agree to that again.
Don’t waste your time & heart trying to change NT minds & tweak the hierarchy. They don’t change their minds. That’s why education won’t make an NT less racist if they think in racist social constructs - that’s what is real. Walk around them. Don’t give them a chance to stop you
Never believe again that you need their validation. You don’t. They can’t validate you, they can’t even see you! If you know you’re autistic then by god start calling yourself autistic. If you realized you’re neurodivergent, start identifying that way. Say it out loud right now.
Navigate their reality but never believe what it says about you. Start questioning what you’ve been told about other people, too, and see its place as a tool of the hierarchy. There are way more NDs and fewer NTs than we think. We can reshape society to fit us.
NTs’ essential nature isn’t bad. It’s very powerful. It’s why our species dominates this planet. But NTs prioritize self-interest and short-term gain over everything. They seek unchecked power and destroy everyone with it. That’s why we have billionaires and starving people.
If we do not see what our minds are built for that theirs can’t do, humanity will go extinct along with most other species on this planet. They are destroying this planet and they can’t stop because they can’t see another way. They can’t believe what’s good for them is bad.
It IS on us because our brains are made to look far in the future, consider far-flung effects of our actions, and weigh the feelings of others equally with our own. Of course that makes our experience of our brains in the social reality intolerable! How else could it be?
Don’t resent NTs for using their brains the way they were intended to be used and start using your brain the way it was intended to be used. Remember that NTs approve of you when you stay inferior to them in the social hierarchy. Their approval means extinction. Stop seeking it.
Remember that everything you’ve been told about the right way to do things is the right way to maintain the hierarchy. Anything that is hard for you, rethink it. Don’t do it, have a friend do it for you, or find a different way to achieve the same thing. Take meds if they help.
Your ND brain is an airplane and NT society is a surface to aircraft missile. Is it the airplane’s fault it’s crashing? Would it be in pieces of its own accord? No! It was the missile! Stop believing them that your airplane spontaneously combusted bc it was flawed all along.
Take more naps. Cut out NT friends. Start doing the bare minimum at work - believe me, NTs do. Use baby wipes instead of a shower. Whatever you need to do that makes the social reality more tolerable, do it. You need the energy so your brain can become what it was meant to be.
Anything you see as a flaw of yours - ask yourself, what if this is ok? What if I’m good the way I am? When something hurts, change it, not yourself. For things you can’t change bc we live in this social reality and need to survive it, put on your NT costume & take it off after
It’s scary to reject the NT acceptance you’ve been trained to pursue but I promise, it’s liberating. Once you start, it feels fantastic. Start changing how you talk about yourself today. Do something weird today. Quit something you hate today. Change starts right now, with you.