Trump's speeches make SO MUCH MORE SENSE live

They also make more sense if you've been steeped in conservative propaganda for four days at #CPAC2021, which is what I, a leftist, just did

Here's why people lose their minds for Trump in such a big way:

Trump knows how to make an entrance. The speech was scheduled at 3:40. He came on closer to 5:00. At 3:50 a CPAC organizer told us everything was on schedule and played us a long clip of CPAC happenings, which was entertaining

After that, the upbeat dance music started

At loud-but-not-uncomfortable volume, we listened to:

Billy Jean by Michael Jackson (can you fucking IMAGINE what Q would say if a Dem had played a Michael Jackson song?!)

In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins

Macho Man by Village People (Yes, really)

Gloria by Laura Branigan

At this point, the energy in the room is off the charts. The AC is colder than it's been at any point in the conference (which the CPAC person remarked on, so it was definitely on purpose) which makes people want to move

Plus we're hopped up on all the speeches that came before

AT LAST, the music changes to Proud to Be An American. The crowd loses its fucking MIND as Trump walks on stage

And the man has presence. He stands there for the entire song. The whole fucking thing. Just letting the crowd go apeshit for like....minutes

Standing for an entire song while adoring crowds scream your praises sounds arrogant and off-putting, but it isn't

What I never understood about the Trump phenomenon until tonight was the reciprocity of the worship

He loves the praise. Feels it. It touches him deeply

Trump was, for four long years, the most powerful man on the planet. And before that he was this avatar of wealth. Famous. Reality TV star. Sex-with-beautiful-models-haver

And yet your applause means SO MUCH to him

It makes you feel really important. Like you matter

(by the way, feel free to leave comments about how this is foolish and bullshit and illogical, it doesn't actually matter that these things are true. It FEELS real and if you're trying to understand a phenomenon you've gotta let go and imagine it through other eyes)

Trump steps forward and begins to speak

So here's where things get a little weird. You know how he's kind of a meandering speaker? And you find yourself drifting off, having trouble following?

True live also. But you've been so hyped for so long--hours!!--it's almost relaxing

Trump's voice just sort of washes over you and you drift comfortably, knowing the thing you waited for so long is finally here

And then he'll raise his voice and drop a talking point or an applause line and you're on your feet clapping, involved again

Trump's humor also plays MUCH better in person. He's a very funny guy, but his delivery is deadpan. I don't know why that comes off so much better in person. On TV it always seems arrogant and insufferable to me but in person, for whatever reason, it worked for me

It turns out Trump's supporters find his eccentric speech patterns adorable, not grating

Like, when he said "numbers that no one's ever heard of before" this soft laugh went up all around me. You can't hear it on video, but it was an affectionate "he did the thing!" noise

What Trump supporters like about Trump is that he's authentic, and no one else is quite like him. He's like that one very eccentric uncle who might be a bit off his rocker but is a whole lot of fun and the best to drink beer with and anyway he's family

Something else about Trump's speeches: they always seemed to jump around to me. Not the case today

That's because I've spent four days IMMERSED in conservative logic. I can't exactly translate it yet--give me time--but the issues are all connectd in the conservative mind

There was a moment in Trump's speech where he began talking, out of NOWHERE, about trans athletes ruining women's sports

Except it wasn't actually out of nowhere. That was a hot-button issue at CPAC

Trump read the program and tailored his speech accordingly

Trump uses "we" a lot, and in person that "we" takes on a whole new dimension

He really means, me and you. Me and all the people in this room. We're a team and we do this together. His accomplishments are our accomplishments

It really feels like that

Trump's use of "we" pairs with how moved he is by adulation, as I brought up earlier

Imagine if you prayed to God and God said, your prayer made me feel better. I'm thankful for you. You've made me so happy. I'm glad you exist

It's very THAT

I have just learned that Trump spoke for 90 minutes and I am shocked. It felt like 40

I think it's because of the filler. You get to rest for the first half. And then it builds into a fever pitch, by the end you're on your feet chanting and clapping and having the best time

After he finished, and YMCA started playing, everyone was jazzed and exhausted and happy

A woman I'd met earlier in the conference looked at me as she passed and screamed like a teenager at an *insert relevant band here* concert

I've always sort of understood Trump's appeal, but now I totally get it

It's important to understand these things, especially if you, like me, think his ideas and approach and cult of personality are beyond dangerous

(Speaking of toxic personality cults.....I'm going to be spending the next few days writing and recovering spiritually from four days of acting like a conservative 24/7)

(And if you wanted to by me a beer....well, I sure would drink it)

https://linktr.ee/Laurajedeed )

Weird Epilogue:

This hasn't happened yet but: if we spoke at CPAC and you feel betrayed, I'm sorry and I get it

Consider sticking around, though. You won't like a lot of what I have to say but I'm not a doxxer and I think you'll find I don't demonize people