LMFAOOOOOOOO I hate Detroit bro.
It shouldn’t be a smooth exit from my favorite club downtown to a whole nother country.

This exit here is why I can’t go to Canadá for 2 more years (when I never even been) & why my nigga got a year in prison ... true story https://twitter.com/PaulTheUrbanist/status/1365664106301313027

Not asking for the story...
Okay I’ll tell it lmao. I’m bored anyways

Okay so one Friday night I decide to be spontaneous.
I had just bought a new truck that week & got rims nshit (u know we detroiters take pride in the whips)
So I go to my boyfriend house like
“Let’s take a road trip! This bitch brand new. Where u wanna go!?”

Of course my boyfriend at the time was the plug wit no valid license so his eyes lit UP. He thinking OT money.

He like “NEW YORK!!!! I know hella Coke heads in New York!!”

..Im like great this nigga about to be doin the same shit we do at home
Vacation where?

So i text my NY friends. Let them know we on the way...fluff the couch.

This nigga puts a bag full of 8ball baggies in my truck & rolls us some blunts...We pack our travel bags & hit the road.

Alright so boom... we feeling it. Road trip vibes. Happy. Playlist lit. In love ..

So the GPS shows 2 routes. One was SIGNIFICANTLY shorter than the other.

Im like??? I never seen this route before. We’ll get there in time to eat dinner AND go clubbing.

..we think nothing of it. Why would I check each exit tho?!?!?!?!?

So I start the directions ... we out

Yall.........a couple hours into our trip my dumbass so distracted by the blunt & playlist I take the exit to Canada..

Im also following the GPS so I don’t even peep.

I pull up ON boarder patrol wit a fucking blunt to my lips....
Sounds like prison to me...

So I see the bright ass lights & attempt to put it out although I’m sure they saw....that’s their job

My nigga lit a cigarette tryna mask the smell..

We pull up to patrol & I’m red glossy eyed af like & say “I took the wrong exit” ... “WRONG THING TO SAY WHEN OBVIOUSLY HIGH

So the guard like “where ya headed? Passport?”

I said “I’m tryna go to NYC. my GPS took me this way..
If I could just turn around I — “

....”go ahead & pull to the side for me maam”

He wasn’t goin for none of it.
He flashing his light on my man nshit Im like wow..we’re done.

I didn’t KNOW if this nigga had warrants but I KNEWWWW this nigga had warrants”

Im just thinking “pls let us go back to Detroit. At this point Fuck the trip. I’ll go straight home & go Tf to bed.” The vibe gone.

So we pull to the side & officers start approaching the truck ..

A good 8 officers at my truck...

One asked for My ID the other asked for my niggas..They surrounding us..

I give mine & my nigga pull his shit out it’s expired AS FUCK..3 years ago type shit. . .

Strike Fucking one.

So the 3rd officer like “step out the vehicle” to him...

& the one talking to me goes “are their drugs or firearms in the vehicle?”

Im like “NOoOOOooOOoO”
— wit a truck full of 8balls & half smoked blunts in the glove department

So they like “give us a minute we’ll be back”

We standing outside the car for all of 2 minutes when they all come back wit the dogs

One officer like “ima tell ya right now ya buddy not leaving ... but if the car is clean, u can go back”

Im looking at this nigga like

So I KNOW what’s in my car ... a brick worth of 8 balls.

I’m pissing my pants. But I’ll tell ya one thing for sure & 2 for certain nigga that’s YO SHIT when they find it.

Ima “I ain’t even know” my way outta this REGARDLESS
Sorry pooh.

So the dogs sniffing. I’m cracking jokes wit the officers. Tryna make a funny...

My nigga lookin at me like

They end up finding the weed. In my coaster & under the seat — he a idiot.

They like “whose is this?”

This nigg3r goes “MINE!” Fast af “That’s AWLL I got. That’s mine. I was smoking”

I’m like ....nigga all? Really...ok.
I see what we doing ..

BET!!

Them weak ass dogs couldn’t find the coke..

I had tucked it where the spare be..just in case type shit.

So they put him in cuffs cus he den snuggled marijuana into the country PLUS his warrant was for a unlicensed firearm possession & probation violation” so he done.

Im standing there like ... now what

So after finding nothing else for damn near 40 minutes the officer tells me im an accomplice & need to sign paperwork stating I won’t come to Canada for 5 years since I’ve aided in smuggling weed.

Im like WEED?! That’s all!? YES I will sign. . .

Why they put me in cuffs?

“U cant sign unless you’ve been arrested” they say...

“Ima put em on u just to walk in the building then take em off”

..Nigga was lying.

They put me in a cell. Had me looking crazy.

Coke still in my trunk n all....

So after a good 5 hours of feeling like a criminal i sign the paperwork...

My nigga missing ...

The officer tells me I’m not allowed to drive my car over the boarder but a officer will follow me in a squad car to the next exit.

Im like?? Do i have a choice?? Ok.

So I’m BACK in cuffs. Going across the boarder in a cop car behind a cop driving my cocaine car.

I had to leave my nigga in Canada

The Michigan police was on they way to get his ass IMMEDIATELY.
They let me take his cell phone tho...he said I could (duh. It’s the burner)

So i get across the boarder.. they uncuff me..give me my keys.

They like “we’ll take ur number & call u if he makes bail”

*he did. I bailed him out wit my dumb ass*

So I’m driving home SHOOK.

STILL GOT COKE IN THE TRUNK — 3 hours away ... thanking god nshit.
Nigga-less.
No vacation.
No weed.

Just me. A ban from Canada. & cocaine. On the road...

& My nigga (burner) phone start ringing....

Im like wtf???? Custos calling???

I answer — “ ....hello???”

“Hey can I speak to GUNZ?!”
— clearly his alias

Im like??? “It’s just me Rn..whatchu need?”

Bein a down ass bitch tryna keep the business running LMFAOOOOOOO

Why the bitch say “just tell him I’m going to work so not to pull up on me. I’m in the city now.”

Im like? VICKY?! The CITY?! ..maybe it’s still work.

I said “whatchu need? I got his bag”

This hoe LAUGHED at me...
She said “kiki. i dont do that. He was just stopping by.....”

Im like WOOOWWWE I was driving this nigga & his drugs to some PUSSY?!?!

I literally got arrested so HE could get THE PUSSY THAT NEVER SLEEPS?!?!?!

....this ghetto

But I’m too embarrassed to be mad.

My goofy ass goes “I’ll let him know u called Vicky” LMFAOOOOOO

BITCH!!!!!!

This me driving 3 hours home from Canadian jail:

So I get home & get to lookin through the burner..

This nigga CHEATING CHEATING!

My number NOT EVEN SAVED IN THE BURNER!
But Vickie is.

I am LESS than a side bitch dawg.

I’m literally a Fucking goof ball to this nigga.

The texts be like “I’m wit my DRIVER” when he wit me

So my driving ass down BAD.

I go to my truck & took a lil baggy out...I’m not myself Rn.

I definitely did a few lines amidst my dispare...

So im in my room...high af

Why i start texting this nigga???

Like I don’t have his phone & he not in jail? LMFAOO. pls. Help me.

Me:

So I’m texting PARAGRAPHS how he ain’t shit & i hope vickys Ass disappear. & I hope he rot in Canadian jail ..

That Monday he back in the states & they call me letting me know he made bail....

It’s me going to pick him up for me ...

Like I said ....

I bail him out. Give him his phone.

Dropped him off. & told him Vicky called before he got out.......

He asked where his drugs were I told him I threw it out ... that was my only leverage bro. I kept the brick lmao.

We went our separate ways & never spoke again.

I made a couple bags off the brick & he got a couple years so it was a lose lose situation

— & that’s the story of why I can’t go to Canada till 2024

*i stalked & flattened a couple tires in between court dates but that’s neither here nor there*

The end