A few weeks ago, I learned from my students that it's OK for an educator to show vulnerability... to show emotion... during a LIVE online lecture.

I had just spoken for 40 mins on the blood supply to the heart.

I then decided to talk about my Dad. (1/n)
[Video thread] #AnatEd

I spoke about being a child when he died.

About not really knowing, for over 30 years, what had gone wrong during his heart surgery.

About my lockdown project last year to try to find out what had happened. (2/n)
#AnatEd #MedEd

I spoke about receiving his full (faded) operative record & associated documents in the post, & the time that I spent trying to make sense of it.

About the extent of his coronary blockages, & my interpretation of the re-plumbing of his heart by the surgical team. (3/n)
#AnatEd

I spoke about how well the surgery appeared to have gone.

And about the rapid deterioration in my Dad's condition shortly afterwards.

About being brought back in for frantic resuscitation efforts.

About the surgical team doing everything they possibly could. (4/n)
#AnatEd

I spoke about reaching out to my Dad's surgeon after 32 years.

To help me with my interpretation of what had happened. To fill in the blanks.

About how my Dad's surgeon, from 1989, did not hesitate to help me after all this time- indeed, insisting on meeting me in person. (5/n)

I spoke about our discussion on the intervening advances in engineering & medicine that might have saved my Dad.

About how wonderful it was to get such closure in that meeting.

As unbelievable as it sounds, I had felt like my Dad was sitting in the meeting room with us. (6/n)

As I struggled to keep my composure during those 8-9 mins at the end of the lecture, I became very aware of the lecture recording.

The silence was deafening & the vulnerability was real. I couldn't see or hear anyone, yet I could sense the students willing me through it. (7/n)

I made it clear to the students that I was mortified.

I thought - "I'll just edit out those last few mins before posting to the VLE."

But the emails came flooding in from the class. I knew there was educational value in what I had discussed. This was the whole point, but (8/n)

I was overwhelmed by the reaction from the students.

Aside from the obvious, they shared other aspects of educational value that I had not considered:

The lifelong empathy clearly shown by my Dad's surgeon in his willingness to meet me after such a long period of time, (9/n)

A characteristic & value that they said they hope to develop equally as clinicians;

The often forgotten human side of a patient, & the family members that they leave behind;

The 'purpose' of Medicine, & the impact it has on people generally, both positively & negatively (10/n)

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love teaching, & I feel privileged to be able to do so.

I see educational value in pretty much anything & everything, & I have been glad to take something very positive out of this experience & out of my Dad's case. (11/n)

Grieving never really stops; the loss of a parent can remain very raw (even if 8 World Cups have taken place since you were last with them...).

I learned that this is OK.

And that sharing such stories is OK too. (12/n)

Sharing this particular story with my students, & what they took away from that teaching session, has been without doubt the highlight of my teaching career to date.

Here's hoping some more students, past & present, take something from it aswell.

My Dad would be so chuffed.