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As a tit connoisseur, let me break it down for y’all sad little Trek dweebs (A thread)
As far as Tiddies go, Kirk is a basic bitch. There’s nothing special to them. They aren’t muscular or too flat. Just your base line tiddie. He is the definition of a 5/10.
Now for comparison, I give you Spock. He has them tiddies you can cup and rub on because they’re furry and got some heft. Baby boy could fill your hands with them tiddies and they match his lean frame. That’s a solid 7/10, rounding up a little.
Sulu is a 4/10. Not his fault. Boy was fit as a fiddle in an era before boys went hard on the chest work outs. So while his tummy is flat as a plate and just as good for eating off of, them tiddies were also lost to us. RIP the Sulu Tiddies we could’ve had.
Riker is a Himbo who doesn’t need great tiddies to feel confident showing them off. Like he’s a solid 6/10 since they a bit thicker than Kirk’s and hairy, but aren’t as cuppable as Spock’s. But do he care? NO! He gonna rock his 6s like they 12s.
Picard is a hard one to judge. He so rarely sits up and displays the tiddies, which makes it hard to gauge. Do he have pancakes? Do they have a secret heft? Well, after a thorough search, I am going to say that he’s a hairy 5/10. They look cozy but they are no pillows.
Miles has tiddies you can cup and cuddle. Like I get why Keiko was into him because you could use them things for a pillow. Not they aren’t perfect (so few are), but they’re still a solid 6.5/10.
Digging deep for DS9 because those were some tiddie shy men and I respect that. Also, Bareil had nice tits. Look at them. They are wide but got that heft. Are properly defined. 7/10.
So the only shirtless man I can find from Voyager is Tuvok, but that’s ok. He got some 6/10 because they are fine Tiddies. Can fill a hand, which is a good metric. But they lack that tiddie magic we will come to expect from Star Trek.
Archer is a muscled 7.5/10. Like Enterprise gives the first fit Tiddies and we respect that. These babies can be motorboated, played with, used as a pillow. Honestly, we love them Tiddies.
You know you can only see it in a gif, but Mayweather has some 8/10s. Not what separates them from the rest? It’s the size and obvious firmness. It’s that defined under boob area where you can press you Palms for solid cupping. We applaud these Tiddies.
Trip has decent tiddies and is a good example of for a 7/10 compared to Mayweather. You can see that while you can cup them they lack the same amount of under boob area to perfect your grip. I applaud him for trying out manscaping tho.
You know, really looking at the shape and form of Malcolm’s Tiddies, I am almost tempted to give him an 8. However, while the upper tiddie is pillow perfect, he lacks that grip helping under boob so 7.5/10.
Hmm. Phlox is a hard one to judge. Would I sleep on them? Yes. Are they they kind you can hold in your hands? Obviously. But that potentially ridged middle portion makes me question if that area is rough or not and makes me second guess things. 6.5/10
I was going to start with Lorca but after looking through for photos I see we haven’t had any shirtless Culber and I mean, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Look at Wilson’s Tits! Like they could show you the future like the dude from Rocko’s Modern Life! They are what I grade against! 10/10
Anyways, Lorca... honestly I stan Jasón and have to say that that concave area of his chest redeems them because you can’t cup them properly from the bottom but you can hit em from the side. Good upper form too. Pillowy. Could drink from that dip. 7/10 but rounded from a high 6.
There aren’t a lot of shirtless men in Discovery, but Book was so onto them Tiddies. I don’t need to tell y’all that Book has nice Tiddies. Look at them looking like two soft pillows waiting for you to snuggle to sleep. Cup em. Motorboat em. They got the range. 8/10
I stan the shape and size of Rios’s Tiddies. They ain’t big, but they are manageable. Not everyone can handle a lot of tiddies. Sometimes you want a little less. But with arios you ain’t sacrificing nothing because they are still great. Not pillowy enough but solid 7.5/10.
THATS RIGHT, WE SRE INCLUDING THE TOON TIDDIES! Although honestly Ransom got some nice tiddies. Well formed. But I can tell by looking at them that they aren’t the best for holding in your hands. 6/10.
And that’s all for the Star Trek tiddie ranking.
Maybe one day we’ll get Pike (who may be in the 7-8 range if Anson is in Hell on Wheels shape) and Peck Spock’s pecs (who strikes me as a 6.5 because I give marks for Ethan being a warm hugger) but that’s all for today.
Maybe one day we’ll get Pike (who may be in the 7-8 range if Anson is in Hell on Wheels shape) and Peck Spock’s pecs (who strikes me as a 6.5 because I give marks for Ethan being a warm hugger) but that’s all for today.
Alright. @ScottFromTwitch brought up a different Sulu photo for re-eval: Sulu re-do.
First off, nice Tiddies, Sulu. Good shape, I like the pillowy and lightly cuppable. Definitely bringing him up to a 7/10. I apologize to the Sulu community. Your Tiddies are valid.
First off, nice Tiddies, Sulu. Good shape, I like the pillowy and lightly cuppable. Definitely bringing him up to a 7/10. I apologize to the Sulu community. Your Tiddies are valid.
