Okay I know we all know that bi pan lesbian harassers are pretty awful and ableist to systems but I'd like to bring up another side to it that I don't hear often. My name is Amber. I'm a mono lesbian. I only like femininity. I would probably be the exclu definition of a lesbian.

But we're dating a man right now. A cis male with a beard and a penis. We've dated women before him, and probably will date women after him. All of us adore him dearly, our gay men are in love with him, our nb and women are too. But I don't like dick and I don't like men.

So what am I to do as a mono lesbian? I love him too. We were dating him for a year and a half before we knew of our systemhood. Despite perhaps being confused about sexuality and romantic orientation before, all of us loved him. And we still do.

That's just the intrisically intertwined dating experience that comes with our systemhood, and with our disability. I don't even identify as a bi lesbian. I'm still a fully homosexual, homoromantic lesbian. But the dogwhistle they use against bi lesbians hurts me.

"lesbians can't like men" they spit out over and over. Ignoring the fact that it's a transphobic terf dogwhistle, it honestly makes me so sad. According to them, as a system, I cannot love my boyfriend. I cannot even /like/ him.

But he's amazing, kind, sweet, loves this system, loves our gay men despite being straight, and despite being deeply flawed, tries his best to learn about issues that are important to us and about plurality, sexuality, trans culture and issues, and is someone I can't help to love

Not knowing you're a system until later in life after you've already picked and committed to a long time partner can make sexuality complicated and at times can Rob you of experiences as an individual you might wish you could have had.

One of those is me being a lesbian who loves girls primarily. I never got that as an individual names Amber and I don't get that for the rest of my life. My boyfriend isn't a consolation prize but in my situation, the idea that I as a lesbian cannot love him is maddening.

And this experience is tied in with my DID. It cannot be seperated. To say that I cannot even /like/ my boyfriend of two and a half years at this point because of my sexuality of an individual alter isn't only ignorant, it's intrisically ableist against this system.

And I know stories like mine might not be incredibly common. But if you're using a definition "lesbians can't like men" despite how they identify in SAM terms, it leaves out disabled people. And if your definition of a sexuality leaves out disabled people, it's probably shit.