i've mentioned this before but one of the hardest things about adhd is how it can WRECK your relationships because you don't have friendship degradation mechanics like everyone else

like my friendship degradation mechanics are just straight up broken, i can go YEARS without hearing from someone at all and still feeling exactly the same level of familiarity about them. but they don't because friendship degrades if you don't take care of it

it's just kinda like. sad bc no matter how hard i try to keep up with friendships i'll inevitably have a dry spell of a few months and by that point the other person has moved on, because, why wouldn't they? it's the one skill my adhd fucks on the hardest

anyways this is why i like being friends with other adhd/autistic/neurodivergent people bc we see each other and it's "AYYYY" every time alkgnsfd friendship degradation mechanic broke for both of us

oh wow, i'm away for a few hours making beef stew and suddenly this thread is RELATABLE, welcome yall i'm the DAYDREAMER adhd

i wish people understood like. people who do this don't deliberately ghost people, it's "i thought it had been 2 days but it's actually been 2 weeks and now this person will be really mad at me so i guess i can't say anything now" and then that KEEPS HAPPENING

it's just a nasty bundle of like. object permanence issues and being unable to perceive time, and one of the big issues is people assuming we're doing this on purpose or something when it's like "I AM TRYING SO HARD AND IT'S LIKE SAND THRU MY FINGERS"

it does feel a lot like trying to pump out a lake armed with only a fork

OH and before i forget, "friendship degradation mechanics" isn't an official term (or if it is, it's coincidence) i totally just pulled it from like. describing how you have to maintain your heart levels with stardew valley npcs

i was gonna leave this in its own thread to avoid this getting too long but like, it relates so well that i might as well just append it https://twitter.com/Khoshtistic/status/1352662828495286275

not to be capitalizing off being viral but if you vibed with this thread go ahead and drop me a dime on kofi, if you'd like? thank you! https://ko-fi.com/jargoggle 

also i appreciate what some of yall are trying to do but this is VERY MUCH bc of my adhd and its affect on my sense of time (i don't have one) and my object permanence (again, don't have it.) i'm very "out of sight out of mind" even with real people.

i appreciate people being like "this isn't adhd, this is normal" or "this isn't adhd, they're bad friends" but like. the underlying issue here is that the ball starts rolling because i fall out of contact for like half a decade and don't realize it. THAT'S my adhd symptom.

it's not people with adhd's fault that this happens, but that is WHY it happens to me (any maybe others, if the qrts and responses are any indication.) so saying "no, this isn't actually adhd" isn't actually helpful and can be super invalidating! please don't do it <3 ty

SOME DISCLAIMERS SINCE THIS IS GETTING SUPER BIG:

1. i DON'T think this is SPECIFIC or UNIVERSAL to adhd: it can just be caused by symptoms like time blindness and lack of object permanence

2. this was anecdotal venting that i wasn't expecting to go super viral

addendum to number 1: when i say it can be caused by time blindness and lack of object permanence, these are two things that aren't completely unique to adhd by themselves. but in adhd they CAN cause relationship problems

hey yal!! im glad this resonated but i finally have to mute this <3 take care