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Starting a thread of weird shit Jack says.
"Now we're cooking with grills."
Me while we're in bed: Jack, why are you not under the sheet?
Jack, looking me in the eye and with his whole chest: Sheets are for the KKK.
Jack, looking me in the eye and with his whole chest: Sheets are for the KKK.
"My... Weenus iches."
"I felt it in my chest titties"
"I /still/ be feeling it in my chest titties."
A series of events:
Jack said "WHERE THE FUCK IS HULU" when it was on the screen.
Then he started crying.
Then he started saying random shit that didn't make sense.
Then he said "Alex... take me out back and treat me like Old Yeller."
Jack said "WHERE THE FUCK IS HULU" when it was on the screen.
Then he started crying.
Then he started saying random shit that didn't make sense.
Then he said "Alex... take me out back and treat me like Old Yeller."
"That's where everyone fucks their sister."
"I'M TELLING YOOUUUU. TAKE ME OOOUUTTTT."
"I'm gonna go jump into traffic."
"If you put your ass up in a storm... that's the best place to get lightening struck... your butthole is the best place to get struck by lightening. When you're in a lightening storm, put your butthole up first."
"We have a place here that sells magnum dongs—"
Jack: Now we're cooking with grill
Me: Just one grill?
Jack: Now we're cooking with Guy Fieri
Me: Just one grill?
Jack: Now we're cooking with Guy Fieri
Me *playing DND some friends while Jack watches*
Jack: You know, for Dungeons And Dragons, I never hear about the dragons.
Jack: You know, for Dungeons And Dragons, I never hear about the dragons.
Jack: I fucked up your Instagram lyrics.
Me, after a long silence: You... what?
Jack: I meant your phone password. I fucked up your password.
Me, after a long silence: You... what?
Jack: I meant your phone password. I fucked up your password.
"I filled up the ship with rocket fuel." As he's shaking my foot.
Me: I'm not done with it yet.
Jack, as loud as he can: OH, TITTY FUCK
Jack, as loud as he can: OH, TITTY FUCK
Salem, playing Among Us: I don't like this map.
Jack: I DON'T LIKE YOU.
Jack: I DON'T LIKE YOU.
Jack just hit on himself. It went like this:
"I just cleaned the whole house and now I'm the only trash left... allow me to take you out... that was smooth."
"I just cleaned the whole house and now I'm the only trash left... allow me to take you out... that was smooth."
Me: Jack, you laugh reacted your own message.
Jack: I KNOW, I'M FUNNY.
Jack: I KNOW, I'M FUNNY.
"I am a legendary booty snatcher."
All in a sequence without any context or reason:
"Don't you believe me??"
"IIIII GOT BURRITOS"
*whispers* "Babe, now is not the time."
"Don't you believe me??"
"IIIII GOT BURRITOS"
*whispers* "Babe, now is not the time."
Me after shaving: I'm as smooth as a dolphin
Jack without missing a beat: *sheep noises*
Jack without missing a beat: *sheep noises*
Jack:
Me:
Jack: ... I can't remember how to spell motercycurr
Me: That's because it's not a word.
Jack: *blanks on word "motorcycle"*
Jack: *sees bicycle in the road and points* IT'S THAT BUT HARLEY
Me:
Jack: ... I can't remember how to spell motercycurr
Me: That's because it's not a word.
Jack: *blanks on word "motorcycle"*
Jack: *sees bicycle in the road and points* IT'S THAT BUT HARLEY
"I was watching a tide pod being mixed with blood"
Jack: Alex...
Me: You want me to take you out like Old Yeller?
Jack: Yep
Me: You want me to take you out like Old Yeller?
Jack: Yep
"Hug a gorilla for me."
"The blood of my enemy is my vagina."
