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Some ways people identify as m-spec (bi, pan, omni, poly, etc) lesbian/gay and why it is VALID, as written by an m-spec gay lesbian, in no particular order.
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1. All good faith identities should be accepted and should not be met with gatekeeping/harassment.
Complexities exist within genders, orientations, and the experiences therein, which means only you can know how/why you identify a certain way.
Complexities exist within genders, orientations, and the experiences therein, which means only you can know how/why you identify a certain way.
You cannot know another person more than they know themself. And vice versa: other people cannot know you better than you know yourself.
Generally: dictating who/what queer/lgbtqia2p+ people are and how they label themselves isn’t good! It’s rather queermisic actually.
Generally: dictating who/what queer/lgbtqia2p+ people are and how they label themselves isn’t good! It’s rather queermisic actually.
2. Some people’s sexual and romantic orientations are fluid. Some fluctuate between certain orientations, so it’s easiest for people to describe themselves by those orientations, such as poly and gay. (This really isn’t a new concept, but people seem to not talk about it much.)
3. Some people’s sexual and romantic (and other) orientations are split. In other words some people experience split attraction. Anyone can experience split attraction, which means it is entirely possible to be homosexual biromantic, omnisexual homoromantic, etc.
These labels can be simplified to bi gay, bi lesbian, omni gay, omni lesbian, etc etc depending on who’s using the labels and how.
4. Plurals/systems/people with multiple headmates exist and may not have the same orientations as each other. It could be that one headmate is an mspec gay/lesbian, that the system uses the label as a blanket statement of sorts, or something else.
Note: I am not plural, but I do know plural people who are mspec gay/lesbian and have explained it in these terms. I am not feeding their names to exclusionists and their ilk.
5. Use of historical definitions. This one seems to surprise a lot of young people, but the term lesbian historically included bi women! Gay is much more mutable and familiar, so I imagine there isn’t much confusion there. I’ll focus on lesbianism here.
Prior to the 70s (some sources say 60s), the separation of lesbian and bisexual women wasn’t really a big deal. This is largely a result of lesbian separatism and political lesbianism that saw bi women as “fraternizing with the enemy” and was massively transphobic all around.
You can look into documents on the West Coast Lesbian Feminist Conference in 1973 when this became a public spectacle (warning: there is a lot of transphobia surrounding this event, be careful when searching).
You can also look into the history of the creation of bisexual spaces, which were very often a result of lesbian separatists and political lesbians pushing bi women and trans women out of established orgs. Here’s a source co-authored by two elders: https://robynochs.com/bisexual-movement/
I’ll add more resources if I get time, but I largely recommend you find some on your own if you genuinely want to learn more about the historical inclusion of bi women as lesbians.
6. Being mindful of nonbinary attraction. Lesbian and gay are terms that are inclusive of nonbinary people, but not all nonbinary people are included in lesbian or gay attraction. For example, a nonbinary man might not want to be considered in lesbian attraction for many reasons.
Some people modify their use of lesbian and gay to take this into account, especially if they are dating someone who is uncomfortable being included in either lesbian or gay attraction - or both! Some nonbinary people are entirely uncomfortable with any gendered language...
...being used on them as well, including attraction, because that language misgenders them. Taking this into account is very important, for some people more than others.
7. Related to this, people who are nonbinary have incredibly complex connections with gender(s). I, personally, am multigender and genderfluid/flux, meaning I identify with multiple different genders that may change overtime in number, type, or instensity.
Sometimes I am a woman, sometimes I am a man, sometimes I’m both, sometimes I’m neither/more, sometimes I’m none, sometimes I’m all. Gender is confusing! Honestly, this is another example of why only I can tell what labels I can use, and vice versa. Things are really complicated!
I am a lesbian, I know that for fact. But I’m also genders that go beyond the scope of lesbian, and I want to take that into account for myself as well. Using modifiers like m-spec on top of lesbian helps me not misgender myself as well.
8. Some people who are gender non-conforming, genderqueer, or binary trans may also relate to some of the aspects of point 7, particularly in regards to the complexity of one’s relationship to gender (and gendered language), and may thusly cross gender-normed language “barriers”.
This is okay. Similar to other sections, these people also know themselves the best and know what labels best fit for them. Identities and people are not monolithic, and people should have the freedom to express who they are through labels however they please/need.
9. Infrequent attraction to men and/or women (inclusive of nonbinary people as needed), ie. a lesbian finding themself rarely attracted to men or a gay person finding themself rarely attracted to women.
In lesbian circles, I would say, “Stop it with the gold star lesbianism!”
In lesbian circles, I would say, “Stop it with the gold star lesbianism!”
Again, identities and people are not monolithic. We don’t fit cookie cutter shapes. We will spill out, expand, contract, etc. We won’t conform to everyone’s expectations of a “pure” lesbian or “pure” gay person. And that is okay. Who you are is not a card that can be revoked.
Some people who find their attraction to be as such want to acknowledge it, for whatever reason. Maybe they’re questioning because of it, and want to try out both. Maybe they see it as a lean one way or another. I don’t know. That’s up to them to decide. And that’s okay.
I might come back to this and add resources or additional reasons people identify as m-spec lesbian/gay. Feel free to link to this to your heart’s content, no need to ask me first. Criticism is welcome, bigotry is not.
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End of Thread (?)
Note! I used “poly” as a shortened version for polysexual/polyromantic/etc when I should have used ply instead. I am very sorry about that. Poly should be used for Polynesian, not polysexual/polyromantic/etc.
10. Related to 6 and 7, some people are only attracted to nonbinary people and women or nonbinary people and men, and use labels such as m-spec lesbian or m-spec gay to emphasize that fact while keeping space for those who don't want to be included in lesbian/gay attraction.
@threadreaderapp unroll please!
