Terribly amused by crotchety old men bkdk who terrorise their nurse and their grandkids daily, and also each other

Bkg constantly nags deku about pretty much everything so deku just fuckin takes his hearing aids out and ignores him

Bkg: i loved my husband. He was the light of my life and i miss him terribly

Their kid: dad-

Deku, from the other room: kacchan stop telling people I'm dead

Bkg: if only i couldn't still hear his voice

Deku's a kindly old grandpa who hands out sweets and toys to everyone he comes into contact with. He's nice to everyone except his husband lmao 70 years later and they still bicker 24/7. The nurse who comes every day is sick of them, she just tunes them out

Bkg's one of those annoying old people who insists he's not old and wants to do everything himself. Groceries. Cleaning. He has to be bullied into taking his old people meds. Deku still makes fun of him for the time he tried to move the TV and broke a hip.

They're obviously retired now but they're still busy entertaining the constant stream of visitors (family, journalists, younger heroes). Bkg complains about feeding them and not having any time to himself but never actually chases anyone out for some reason

Fans like to send them gifts and snacks in the mail. They keep all the fan letters and toys, especially from kids haha. But Deku is forbidden from opening packages himself because he always eats the sweets and gets scolded by bkg and the nurse bc he's diabetic lol

They probably have a couple pets that bkg cannot stand but they won't leave because deku keeps feeding them. The cat leaves hairballs in his shoes and the dog digs up his begonias. He complains endlessly but deku just ignores him

Unfortunately deku ignores the nurse too lol he's not any less reckless now that he's 80. He likes to zoom around in his wheelchair and chase ducks. The kids shout at him to stop but deku's like "bah leave me alone, I'm old". Bkg has to threaten to hide his raisin snacks

Bkg's mellowed out a lot in his old age but he's still pretty grumpy. He likes to do the crossword sitting on the porch and drinking tea. He also keeps forgetting where his glasses are even though they're perched right on his head lol and deku won't tell him

Deku's always asking when the grandkids are coming to visit. Bkg won't ask out loud but he does make way too much food and hover around hoping they'll come talk to him. They also badger the nurse to bring her toddler over. The toddler thinks she has three sets of grandparents

Doctor: I'm prescribing you heart medication

B: bah. i dont need it

Doctor: and changing your beta blockers to-

Deku: beta blockers?

Doctor for his blood pressure

Deku: what? Kacchan, how long have you had high blood pressure?

Bkg: for... how long have i known you again

Deku: are you ignoring me bc i told the doctor you get twitchy on caffeine

Bkg: who am i without coffee, deku? Nobody. Just leave me here to die

Deku: your show's on

Bkg, shooting himself off the floor: outta my way i need to see if meredith and derek are getting back together

Deku: kacchan STOP throwing peanut shells at me, I'm trying to do my sudoku

Bkg: hah! Who's gonna stop me? The police? God?

Deku: QUIT IT

Bkg: I'm 80 years old and immortal deku you can't scare me

Deku:

Deku: I'm telling all might

Bkg: wait no

All Might: hel-

Deku, yelling into the phone: ALL MIGHT KACCHAN IS BULLYING ME

Kacchan: NO I'M NOT

Deku: HE'S INTERRUPTING MY SUDOKU

Kacchan: FUCK YOUR SUDOKU

All might, 120 years old and exhausted: boys please

Deku: I'm planning my funeral

Bkg: i don't want to hear about your funeral

Deku: no listen. We do a closed casket with a row of tequila shots on the coffin -

Bkg: we're not having shots at your funeral

Deku: LIVE A LITTLE

Bkg: THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF FUNERALS ARE FOR

Deku: so if we have the funeral next month it'll be nice out but not too hot-

Bkg: deku. We're not planning your funeral

Deku: why not! i could be dead in three weeks

Bkg: you're about to be dead in fifteen minutes

Deku: why the hell do you guys get to have a party if I'm not even going to be around to enjoy it??

Bkg: it's not for you, idiot. It's for me to celebrate getting rid of you

Deku: well then I'm not going!

Bkg: you think you have a choice??

Deku: LET ME AT LEAST ENJOY MY OWN FUNERAL

Bkg: THAT'S JUST A REGULAR PARTY DEKU

Deku: NO! I WANT TO HEAR THE EULOGIES!

Bkg: WHY

Deku: IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL SAY ANYTHING NICE ABOUT ME

Deku: if i die after you I'm shit talking you at your funeral

Bkg: wtf you better not

Deku: I'm gonna tell everyone you pick your nose in the car and wipe it on your pants

Bkg: I DONT

Deku: THEY'LL BELIEVE ME I'M THE SYMBOL OF PEACE

Momo, sorting through the post: shouto. We've been, uh, invited to midoriya and Bakugou’s joint funeral

Tdrk: i dont remember them dying

Momo: no, it seems to be pre-planned

Tdrk: will bkg be there

Momo: i assume so

Tdrk: I'm not going

Kiri: is there a reason I've just been invited to your funeral

Bkg: it's a practice round. i need to approve everyone's eulogies for me. Especially yours, i know you're gonna say something embarrassing and cry

Kiri: is there gonna be booze

Bkg: obviously

Kiri: see you there

Bkg: why aren't you coming to my funeral asshole

Tdrk: I'm upset with you. I thought you were dead

Bkg: I'm obviously not

Tdrk: you got my hopes up

Bkg: you'll get to see me in a casket

Tdrk: hmm. Ok I'm in

Deku: would you like to come to our funeral? There'll be door gifts.

All might: your funeral.

Bkg: pre-emptive  I'm planning to die in a blaze of glory. Deku'll probably die on the toilet. Anyway there'll be booze

All might: sounds fun. Maybe i should start planning my own funeral

Deku:

Bkg:

Deku, already crying: please don't talk like that sir

Bkg: dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of japan's third best hero

Deku, from inside the coffin: fuck you i was number one more times than you were

Bkg, shutting the lid: as i was saying

Deku: kacchan was my favourite person on earth, after my mom and all might and mr aizawa and also the stray cat outside the konbini and keanu reeves and dolly parton - yes iida?

Iida: is this not...too morbid?

Deku, very seriously: you can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun'.

(After the funeral party, which is now full of old drunk people being shooed home)

Deku: that was fun. Now what?

Bkg: dunno.

Deku:

Bkg:

Deku:

Bkg: wanna have another wedding

Deku: yeah sure why not

pls help me me pay for tequila shots at my own funeral, thanks https://ko-fi.com/E1E2OGQQ