everyday i think about the entire cultivation world watching jc's life and jc is just embarrassed but the rest are HORRIFIED

okay gimme a sec to flesh this out, will include commentary and snippets

i suggest qrting so i dont accidentally derail the thread?? but u guys can still reply here lmao, just dont comment on the latest one yet

OKAY SO JIST IMAGINE EVERYONE GOT STUCK IN A HUGE ASS PLACE THAT HAS A CURSE. like the place is nice, clear skies, trees as shade for rain or heat if needed, it was probably meant as a secret hideout or meeting place bc the requirements are just to watch from this huge talisman

so they all shrug and well, it's a powerful barrier and they can't really fly up so they try to get the talisman screen to work. the first people to get close are the sect leaders but its JC who gives qi first bc LXC is still kind of in an unstable mental state—

NHS is just yknow and like hell he's going to let JL do That, he's prone enough to death curses as it is.

so JC injects his Qi and it starts!! good!! but the thing is, the screen turns white and slowly, images appear, voices whispering but it all seems backwards.

rewinding

hold on let me find the perfect music to go this over lmao i Have A Playlist

ALRIGHT I'M LISTENING TO GLASS ANIMALS - POOLS FOR CHILDHOOD PERIOD LET'S FUCKING GO BOYS

so here we have JC at age 5 chubby cheeked and smiling, appearing on the screen and everyone is shocked to see this giggling boy, running through the piers, wild and free, they also feel something warm and trickling in their chests. they quickly deduce bc the screen had—

nothing to play, it studied JC's Qi instead and got his memories and this weird trickling feelings must be connected to the screen, NHS hums and says, "it kind of makes me feel happy." and they theorize it could bc the JC's emotions during that scene.

so they settle down and watch while JWY (for easier identification) feels uneasy bc isnt this...? his theory is confirmed when little JC stops at a pier filled with lotuses, grabbing a handful of the pink flowers and pods.

his heart stutters as he runs to the pavilion he Knows

and when JC opens the door, everyone splutters a little to see YZY in all her glory but,, she seems,, tired?

"a-niang!" the JC on the screen grins, running and YZY turns but she's not scowling– she's smiling and her face is so soft.

"a-cheng." ah, there's the strictness but—

it's laced with exhaustion and fondness, "didn't i tell you not to run? you'll get hurt."

"but i wanted to give you fresh lotuses and! and! fresh lotus seeds are the best!" and JC shows the haphazardly arranged bundle and to everyone's surprise.

YZY laughs.

it's not what they expected at all, for the late Madam Yu to be able to show this softness, taking JC onto her lap, teaching him how to braid his hair as chubby hands pluck the seeds and feed them to him and her with the ease of a child born in lotus pier

meanwhile—

JWY is trying not to cry, staring intensely, trying to remember this fading memory, remember his mother's face before she fell.

everyone is aware of the soft warmth of trickling joy swirling in their chest, a new feeling joining, it almost overwhelms them.

this feeling that is all encompassing, flighty, floaty, a heady feeling that leaves bubbling chests once it mixed with joy.

Love. it threatens to overtake them.

the only slight disconnect they feel from this other emotion is what keeps them lucid.

still, this thing keeps surprising them with more and more contradictions, sure they've seen how protective Sandu Shengshou can be for Sect Leader Jin, but to think he's always been able to Love his way.

it's a baffling thought they'd never considered.

well, except for the Jiang disciples and the few Yu that came with, they've always known, seen a fraction of JWY's love. It's a tidal wave that threatens to wash you away.

JWY is silently bracing him for what comes next, to hope that those words whispered to him were never a dream, to just know.

"a-cheng," YZY starts and breaths in shakily, carding her hands through JC's hair, "i am not a good mother, i never wanted to be one."

JC stills and turns to her, looking worried, feeling worried, more worried than hurt and So Much Love.

"i wanted to be strong, to do my sect proud, but i am not a man." YZY breaths and maybe she cries but JC hides her face from the screen.

"that is not my duty."

"but that is yours. and that means a-niang will be harsh on you." JC smiles and tucks his head under her chin, whispering.

"i'll make you proud a-niang, i'll be the best for you, because i love you." and because of this action, everyone gets to see YZY's face as she falters.

hands wrap around the child as she rocks him in her tired embrace, the sleeping boy is unaware of the tears streaming down her mother's face, "i love you too, a-cheng. i just wish he'd love me too."

'but he didn't or if he did, he never really showed' the words appeared.

a silent omen as a flash of scenes appeared, a woman and a man, clearly in a fight, a gift given, a gift rejected, a woman breaking down, growing thorns and hugging a small child, unaware of their bleeding.

'not in the way that matters to her, and you suffered for it.'

'she did her best to train you to becoming a good leader, she never did great in mothering you as her son.'

they don't know who those words belong to but it doesn't seem to be JWY, more like a third person narrating what they see from his life.

they think it could be the screen

they dont get to figure it out when the next scene appears and here, JC is around 8 or 9.

the yipping and scampering pups should have terrified WWX once they came upon the screen but his chest is filled with utter fondness and joy and Love so Much Love for them that he—

is merely wary. that last scene– he'd always ever thought of madam yu as a nightmare, he's got a sinking feeling of what this implies.

he's not going to like it, he just knows, but– but if this means he'll gain a better understanding of his ex shidi–

maybe he can hope for reconciliation? he'll be there for his shidi when he breaks to comfort him but as he turns to look at JWY.

he's wrong there too.

sometimes, WWX forgets. sometimes he forgets that his vision of a person isn't always the right one.

bc humans are complex—

beings containing multitudes.

and sometimes, WWX forgets that JWY isn't his shidi anymore.

he doesn't know JWY anymore.

I SHOULD HAVE MADE A TAG FOR THIS OMGGG #jctidalwaves anyways yeah bc i AM writing this and of i ever feel like posting drafts, ill tag it with this

i'm not Done WE'RE STILL AT CHILDHOOD ARC JUST PLS LET ME DRAG MY ATTENTION BACK TO THIS THREAD LMAO

can u imagine all of them reacting to JC naming his dogs tho, i recc my fic (*cough* shameless self promo) bc that's basically what they're watching

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25255966 

they'll probably think, JWY was so sweet, what happened to him? but ppl might also think, ah but that's just a child naivete, when he grows he'll grow more jaded

and they were right. they just didn't think of why he grew jaded.

so they see this sweet scen of JC naming his pups and training them and they're very well trained pups but here's what we're waiting for.

The First Loss.

bc JFM comes back with WWX and suddenly, ppl are staggering as if their own hearts have faltered, confusion licking–

their chests, sadness, yearning, envy, Love So Much Love at the sight of his father.

and then JC gets told his pups are going to be taken away and for a second, they forget to breath as cold, cold fear freezes their hearts.

JWY sighs at the sight. it's an old pain.

guys if i miss anything suggest it to me aight, @ me it u want so i can see i might forget a whole ass scene

anyways cue canon scene of wwx running away and jc running after him and they just,, feel how JC Loves so Easily, he loves WWX even if there's a hint of envy but he loves him all the same.

it makes WWX tear up.

the moon is lovely that night, the waters calm but they see a glimpse of a slumbering WY but no JC, its only when they get a glimpse of the young boy in the corner, holding a series of items gently, most likely toys and things he used to train his dogs.

they try not to choke—

when the young boy cries.

'when one thing leaves another takes it's place but it still hurts, doesn't it?'

JWY huffed, of course it did.

'and so you mourn the loss and move forward anyway, lest you drown in your sorrow.'

the scene changes, to show two boys having fun in their youth, the feeling of joy and Love wrapping around everyone like a heated blanket.

it shows a young JC teaching WY how to swim, his movements truly yunmeng born, he doesn't need to teach the other twice.

WY takes to the water fearlessly once his hesitation melts away and the two swim and dance across the waters like they were meant for the seas.

it almost looks mythical, really. this new feeling of soft power, of awe, of Knowing— but nobody knows what JC knows.

"jiang cheng," WWX calls out, trying to lighten the mood, "you never did tell me what that was."

That, perhaps being this feeling of something Ancient blanketing their beings. They want to know too.

JWY merely raises an eyebrow and looks away.

"that's because you never–

bothered to stay and read about the hidden lore in our sect after history."

they learn a new thing about the screen then, bc the scene changes to a young JC reading through the scrolls with wonder.

he's alone in this room, the other disciples had left with WY to go play.

JC looks back to see WY have fun and there's the sinking pit of sadness that fills their guts before it's shaken away when JC gets up and heads to a different direction.

"then again, i suppose only the heirs of the sect were required to know about it." JWY shrugged

he's not worried about the jiang sect's secrets, it was well known that the sect really had nothing to hide, not bc they didn't have secrets, but just bc nobody would truly understand it.

and so when JC jumps into the waters and they all get a clear view of the lakes—

JWY doesnt even panic when he catches a glimpse of scales circling around the boy.

he does smile however when the waters begin singing their melody.

to everyone else, it's like entering another realm of waves and sea. the waters somehow a lot more deeper, much more coloful.

it's both terrifying and beautiful, with how water ghouls somehow swim past by the child, not interested.

colorful fish that were never seen and floating creatures swaying with the waves.

they watch as JC takes a deep breath and Grins.

"huh, so that's what i look like." JWY mutters, seeing the way the waters ruffle his hair, guiding his gleeful self to where he needs to go.

the song is almost drowned out by the roaring falls and JC's gleeful scream.

"w-where is this?!" a jiang disciple hears and laughs.

"hey hey, remember when we had to jump down there?" he nudged his companion who snorted, "how could i ever forget? that's how we were accepted after all!"

the rest dont really believe them, them? jumping down those tall waters? they can barely see the top from where JC was.

this is what they're referencing :] https://twitter.com/SerpentHell/status/1334671706288373761?s=19

okay so here's where everyone basically just watches JC in his element, doing death dives and the like and maybe even seeing a croc/gator float???

in any case the scene ends with an ominous message of, "you lived that moment like it was your last chance to be free."

"it was."

AND IT GLITCHES BACK TO JC'S LIFE IN THE HOUSEHOLD

the good. where he's playing with WWX, having quiet moments with JYL (JWY and JL tries hard to ingrain her face in their memory)

and the Bad. JC seeing YZY deteriorate, getting more loud and desperate, JFM being Quiet

always walking away, JC huddled in a corner as the fighting goes on, about him, about WWX

it keeps flitting back and forth but ppl can see that JC Struggles to stay happy.

it reaches the point where eventually JC gives up on smiling.

the scowl is both familiar and eerie

'when was the last time you smiled?'

it's a question that makes JWY falter while the rest are choking on their spit, the whirlpool of emotions something they're all intimate with but hate with their very being.

in the corner, NHS breaths in, and breaths out. ah, of course.

only he and JWY stay upright, even LXC hunched over, trying not to cry as he remembers past memories that stab into his heart.

"jiang cheng! come on, smile a bit more!" WY's words to JC feel so wrong now.

WWX looks at the screen and then at JWY who shows nothing on his face.

he's reminded of the many times his teasing had gone too far and lets the scene play out, watching numbly as JC falters.

their chests roil with surprise then anger and sadness and anger and so much Rage.

JC shoves WY away and dives into the waters.

usually, WY would have been able to catch up but JC calls for lotus pier and it answers, taking him away, just for a moment.

when he resurfaces beneath the dock, leaning against the bank he whispers, "it's not his fault, it's not his fault. he's your brother, isn't he?"

there's a bitter taste on everyone's tongues even as they feel overwhelmed with love when JC comes back and acts like nothing's happened

WY worries, bringing him lotus seeds as an apology and bounces back up when JC accepts it

'it only lead to them trampling you.'

JC and WY were glued to the hip most days but sometimes, when WY plays with his shixiongs, when he drags JFM out of his office, JC is left alone.

sometimes, he spends those moments with JYL, most of the time truly.

JL savors those moments, getting to see his mother so soft.

it sours just a bit when one time it's interrupted by muffled yelling, the two looking at the door in fear and in comes WY teary eyed and trying to smile.

"ahaha, madam yu got mad i dragged uncle jiang away from work." JC says nothing, the scene blurring to show—

that JC tried it once, excitedly knocking on his father's door, a grin on his face, sparkles in his eyes as he politely asks if his a-die would want to come with him to see the performers outside.

he'd been denied.

there's a stuttering halt of Hurt before it's buried.

JC leaves the scene with glossy eyes, blinking when a black blur passes by him and WY barges in the office with much less decorum.

he watches in Hurt, Confusion and still with Love as WY manages to do what he could not, holding a smiling JFM by the hand to go out.

which leads to this scene where JYL looks around, sees that her soup is not enough and takes JC's bowl.

"hey!"

"a-cheng, give some to a-ying. this was your second bowl anyway, i'll just make some more okay?"

JC feels...

he feels betrayed and he hates that he does.

there is Hate, there is Hurt but there's also Acceptance and Love

'you love them so much you let them take and never expected to be given anything back because the truth is they don't give you anything.'

JWY scoffs but he doesn't deny, he himself doesn't know what to feel.

he thought he'd bury that memory.

but the truth is even a-jie played favorites. he knows it's not her fault, that she had to prioritize over WWX because of what was going on.

but it still Hurt.

that he was shoved away.

the scene is bittersweet with JYL and WY smiling.

while JC looks down at his warm bowl and doesn't eat.

(best not to if WY is still hungry.) is his thought and it's just a tad chilling to see the child think so when their chests roil with Love and Hunger and Starvation.

WY swipes away his meat with a cheeky grin.

JC scowls back and nobody thinks anything is wrong.

they get to hear what's inside JC's mind and it's a mantra of, (they love you, it's okay, they love you, it's okay. WY needs it more bc WY is three and JYL loves children. you can't be a child, you're the heir, you can't ask for love, why would you when they still love you?)

JC walks away and no one notices as he takes up his practice sword and goes to a private courtyard.

(you are the heir and yet you can't be strong enough to handle this? train some more, bury your heart and bare your teeth.)

they're starting to understand now.

why JWY walks with rage, with hidden hostility.

once bitten, twice shy but what happens when you've been beaten when you were low, what happens next?

a cornered animal learns to bare their teeth and fight back.

they don't expect YZY to come in.

they don't expect the moment of horrified clarity as YZY runs to the darkened courtyard and wrenches away the practice sword to examine blood hands.

JC lets himself fall and YZY scolds him all the way but her touch is gentle and firm.

'she loved you in the worst of ways.'

'funny how she seemed to be the better poison to pick.'

and they can see that now, for all that YZY's love hurt, she cared.

even with a hundred cultivators watching, they're not sure if JFM even cares about JC.

the one that seems to do the work in raising and training...

was the one scolding him for training after dark, bandaging his hands and scolding him once more bc now he can't train for a few days.

JFM can't even be seen near JC and if he was, he's focused on smth else.

it is disrespectful to talk behind a dead man.

but everyone silently agrees to stop talking praise.