Wait what

First of all, there are 12, I think.

Second, we don't have one.

Anyone who's ever wondered how seemingly reasonable come to believe absolutely wild conspiracy theories should hear some of the "facts" I've heard about my own orchestra from audience members over the years.

About 20 years ago, we heard a rumor that one of the volunteer ushers leading backstage tours was playing a little fast and loose with the facts, and I got assigned to trail along incognito on one of his tours b/c I was new and unlikely to be recognized.

Turned out, he was pretty much making up everything, but extremely earnestly. I think he probably believed every word. The best part was when he stopped by a photo of the orchestra hanging in a backstage hallway, and (correctly) pointed out the concertmaster, then said...

"It's an extremely competitive job. The concertmaster holds her chair until she DIES. And then, when the position is open, once in a generation, all the other musicians in the orchestra audition to see who will be the next concertmaster."

Me: [stone silent]

Me, in my head: EXCUSE ME, SIR, just one question if I might. When the contrabassoonist wins that audition, how will they work out the seating arrangements?

Anyway, they gently suggested he not lead tours anymore. Our former concertmaster is still very much alive and living the good life in a lovely cottage by Lake Michigan.