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The time I accidentally broke into someone& #39;s house
1. Now, not even my boys know this story, because I did technically commit a crime, but since this is twitter and no one can actually prove that any of this happened...
2. In my second year of uni I spent about 3 months living alone cause everyone had gone home for the summer and I was stuck in the UK. There wasn& #39;t much to do but drink tbh.
3. so one evening I& #39;m video calling one of my boys and drinking at the same time (which is only slightly less depressing than drinking alone)
4. Now if you know me, you& #39;ll know that I& #39;m very impulsive when I& #39;m drunk. You& #39;ll also know that I have a habit of going to the club alone when I& #39;m bored late at night (which is actually where 99% of my wildest stories come from).
5. So I get dressed up and make a move, when I got there, the club was meh, it& #39;s the summer and most of the uni students have gone home so the clubs aren& #39;t as busy but it starts picking up and the drink starts kicking in so I& #39;m vibing.
6. More people start coming and it was getting kinda stuffy inside, I ain& #39;t tryna smell like sweat so I went outside for some air.
7. this girl comes up to me and asks me for a cigarette, I& #39;m like, "sorry I don& #39;t smoke" and she& #39;s like, "yeah, me neither, I only started because uni is so stressful". Turns out we go to the same uni and are both here for the summer.
8. The girl asks me where my friends are and I& #39;m like, "I don& #39;t have any", she laughs a bit and then says "well, I guess I& #39;m gonna have to be your friend now... "
9. So we go inside and dance a bit then she introduces me to her friends, one black guy, a white dude and 2 other girls. They were all students and I wasn& #39;t the only nigga so I felt fairly safe.
10. Me and the black dude instantly hit it off, he was well versed in the art of niggatry so we started doing back to back hennessy shots and this nigga is telling me how much they drink in Birmingham, but the Zimbabwean in me was like:
11. A bunch of shots later, me and this nigga come back to the group like
12. We get back and the girl that introduced me (we& #39;ll call her Mary) grabs my hand and says she& #39;s kinda bored and asks if we all wanna keep drinking at her place. Now, if you live in Brighton you& #39;ll know how common it is to end up at afters in a strangers house. So I& #39;m like bet.
13. We get to her house and we& #39;re all playing music and talking shit and I start telling some of my stories, the whole time Mary& #39;s basically just sitting there eyefucking the shit outta me.
14. After a bit, one of the other girls leaves, so it& #39;s now us three guys, Mary and the other girl. The white dude (we& #39;ll call him Jason) pulls out a baggie and he& #39;s like, "who wants to do some Ket?"
15. Now, truthfully, that was the point I should& #39;ve gone home, but by then I& #39;d had about 10 shots of hennessy, a magnum and was drinking rum from the bottle so my self control was out the window and over the fence.
16. Mary jumps up like "Me! Me!" I& #39;m like damn you a crackhead??
17. Anyway, me and the other black guy keep drinking while these lot are sniffing lines off the table, ngl, Jason was spitting the deadest game at Mary, man said "I wanna date a girl I can do drugs with" and she goes "all the best with that hey"
18. that& #39;s when Mary& #39;s flatmate comes down and says we& #39;re making too much noise, so Jason is like "if you guys are still up, my friend& #39;s house is nearby, he& #39;s not home so we can make as much noise as we want". Once again, should& #39;ve gone home but I& #39;m like ok
19. When we leave Mary& #39;s house, the other girl said she& #39;s going home, so now it& #39;s just me, Jason, the black dude (we& #39;ll call him Sean) and Mary and honestly the ratio was starting to get a bit sausage-y
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20. We get to the house and everyone is whispering outside which was a little suspicious because he said we could make noise, but whatever, I ask why they& #39;re whispering and Jason is like "just in case his mom is home, sometimes she visits", I& #39;m like cool.
21. He goes round the house for a minute and comes back like "backdoor is open come on in" We& #39;re chilling on the couch now and it& #39;s actually vibes me and Sean still drinking whilst Jason and Mary still hoovering the ket.
22. But I start noticing a couple weird things like family pictures and shit you wouldn& #39;t see in a uni student& #39;s house. So I& #39;m like "yo bro, you said your friend lives here alone?" and he& #39;s like "yeah"..... "so what& #39;s with the photos?" and he just ignores the question .
23. Now I& #39;m starting to get really bad vibes, so I& #39;m just like "aye Jason, you sure this is your friend& #39;s house?" and all of them just start laughing their asses off, then Jason goes, "honestly, I have no idea whose house this is bro."
24.
