My mental energy has tanked these past two months. I feel like every time I check in with how much energy I have, a little bit more of it is missing. I never seem to catch where it went or how it disappeared. I can't seem to figure out how to replenish it.

My usual avenues of connecting and engaging with people don't fuel me in the same way they have in the past, most likely bc engaging in meaningful unprompted ways is more complicated now. It often takes more energy than I gain.

Existing right now is hard. Being in pretty intense solitude hurts in deep mental & emotional ways. Transitioning between big life stages is already such a confusing & exhausting venture. Not being able to sit on the couch with my people through it all makes me cry.

I am tired, and I feel my energy draining. My most consistent in person human interaction besides work is with one person, once every two weeks. I feel deprived, and it's heartbreaking.

It feels like the pathways that have fueled me in the past very abruptly shut off, giving me no energy to discover new pathways. I am navigating an unknown space, running very low on fuel, and doing it all physically alone.

This thread is mostly for me to write out all these thoughts and get them out of my brain. It's also to acknowledge that it's ok to feel all this garbage stuff. It's also to say thanks to Norma who is laying up against me & licking my tears.

Share thoughts if you have them, take three deep breaths if you need them (you do), stretch out some of your bones. Sweet dreams folks.