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my art is my children basically and now i see people making their children look like mine and my monkey brain is confused. i should be happy about seeing me influence others throughout the years but i then feel the need to keep going esoteric to self destruction almost
relatively i& #39;m so small but i& #39;m totally certain i& #39;ve made a big impact on a lot of people, this isn& #39;t just ego talking. i don& #39;t know how to deal with this emotionally, it& #39;s been a huge problem for a while. i& #39;ve tried denying it but i keep seeing more influence that points to me.
it gets me to start "hallucinating" my "influence" onto everything, even people who i& #39;m sure never heard of me. i start acting crazy like i& #39;m not making anything at all and i& #39;m just curating stuff for others to do better, and i will never fully realize personally.
i become extremely heavy with guilt if this is what i did to my influences, if this is how they feel despite being twice my age or older. why share my work online if this is what happens to people as a result of it lol, i don& #39;t know anymore
i think my aesthetic is like occupying a loophole to others in terms of "seriousness", as if it& #39;s somehow inherently "truer" and "reliable" to a person simply by brand alone. this is also why i get sad when i see myself becoming another source of future mundanity
i& #39;m fine with people being inspired by me, i don& #39;t have problem with it inherently. i just want others to start drastically experimenting from what they are used to as hard as i have to in order to keep myself sane...
i have some stuff i should be very happy about right now that i& #39;m not able to enjoy because this is depressing me lmao, maybe this is what my "art block" is really and getting this off my back through incoherent tweets is all i can do for now. will probably stop for tonight
