During the whole SIA debacle (don't worry this isn't about that lol) one of the things I noticed from autism activists on Twitter is that they stressed that it was classified as a disability.

I'll be honest, this made me uncomfortable (THREAD)

(this also isn't going in the direction you may think it is)

So when I was younger, long before my diagnosis, when they first started noticing issues with my behaviour and social learning, my parents were recommended I should be sent to Cope

For those outside of Ireland, Cope is a support centre for those with intellectual disabilities

My parents refused, and I wear going through the public school system as a badge of pride. Like they were right to fight back.

But why? Why do I feel like that?

There's nothing wrong with needing that support. Cope has a lot of stigma attached to it (especially in the 90s), and I came out the other end of public education, but did I really need to suffer through that? It wasn't exactly the most empathetic environment for autism!

I've always been open about my autism diagnosis-I let people know upfront who I am and why I am the way I am. Yet I disclosed it to my first boss hoping she wouldn't let anybody know

(she told the whole floor anyway, though I'm not sure if I ASKED HER not to)

(p.s. don't disclose someone's diagnosis without their EXPRESS permission)

I remember a time in my Masters where a teacher who was harsh on me COMPLETELY changed her attitude and was condescending to me after she found out (they have to disclose if you sign onto DSS)

And the fact that I didn't notice her change in demeanour until a mate pointed it out made my paranoia spark. Does everyone treat me with kid gloves?

Are they supposed to? Why does this bother me?

It bothers me because, despite the way I let my freak flag fly, I am ashamed. At least on some small, subconscious level. Stigma against disability is so strong that the idea that a former friend of mine said she "used my mental illness" to skip a line in Subway set me off-

-because it implied I was mentally ill (not because pretending you're autistic to skip a queue is REALLY FUCKED UP but whatever).

There is nothing wrong with being disabled. But we act like there is. We act like it to a point where

Big Open Autistic Dan feels like there is something wrong with him if there's a label of disability on him. I don't know if I'm the only one-I know people who are really bothered when Aspergers Syndrome was stricken off as a term for a certain form of autism

Because...why? People saw you as more autistic? Less? In between? You are a person with autism-people will judge you as such regardless, whether they know it or not. You will feel that sting of feeling out of place

Honestly? This is what bothered me more about that movie. I'm tired of seeing representations of who I am in ways that stigmitise me further. That condescend and look down on me like I'm lesser.

And what's funny is one of my favourite movies kind of reinforced this "I'm not disabled thing".

No matter how much I love Mary and Max, and how much *I* think the depiction of autism is solid....it's made by (as far as I know) allistic people for an allistic audience. He based it on second hand experience of having a pen pal with autism

And maybe I've been in denial that I'm a little ashamed of who I am, maybe I try to say it never affected me or stopped me from doing anything because I am above it.

But I'm not. It's a part of me. It's part of everything about me. Everything terrible. Everything strange. And everything wonderful