Seen too many company pitches via Zoom/Meet/etc. over the last few months, so some learnings, in no particular order.

1. We have passed the point where people cite Covid as a risk, and passed the point where people talk about how Covid will benefit their business, to the point where Covid is a thing on the screen no-one talks about and can't remember its current import.

2. Too many people lean forward and are lit by bright screens, kind of like René Belloc right after he opens the Ark of the Covenant, but just before he turns into gibbering, eyes-out jelly. Don't do that. It's disconcerting.

3. People in the US comment on your blurred/image background—Your background is blurred/image!—like they have completed a really complicated geocaching problem. People in other countries don't comment on your background.

4. Headphones are never the right look, unless you're landing an airplane or playing Fortnite at the same time.

5. I don't believe you when you say your camera doesn't work. And you shouldn't believe me when I say that either.

6. Mute more often. Not because your place is noisy, but because it introduces just enough conversational overhead to stop you from jabbering all the time, merely to show you're paying attention. I get it. I see you.

7. Keep your hands where we can see them, like you're being stopped for a traffic infraction. I am uneasy the minute they drop below table level. Trust me. It's for the best.

8. Turn off your own camera. I can see you seeing you, seeing me, and it's not good. Remember when Nemesis led Narcissus to a pond, and the latter fell in love and never left? It's like that. I worry you won't leave.