I think on my vacation, today is the day we discuss mental health in #highered. Specifically. It has been a theme in some of my threads but not the actual topic and it is past time to discuss this. This field claims to care about our mental health but exacerbates it.

So buckle up buttercups. Let's all gather 'round and have a very FRANK discussion about Mental Health in Higher Education & Student Affairs.
#SAChat #SAPro #ResLife #SAGrad #HoHEChat #StudentAffairs #BLKSAP

I want to start with how we even get into the field because recruitment into #studentaffairs is toxic on individual and systemic levels. Toxic positivity to be exact. And well, I want to call us in to examine ourselves because...we need it.

We really ham it up when we talk about this field to prospective grad students. We sell them this dream of this happy go lucky field that cares about social justice. We give them sunshine and rainbows and ice breakers for life. We cherry pick the good parts to make it seem kosher

We, as a field, prey on underrepresented students the most. Telling them how much the field needs them and how much of an impact they will make. We say words like intentionality and authentic, and anything to get these people to apply to our alma maters.

Then the grads get to these programs, and let me tell you, all programs are not created equal, and this illusion is sometimes made even grander. I have had people tell me that grad school made it seem like this field was the most magical place on earth.....

W/ some exception, it seems like no one wants to be real w/prospective students and grads about what #studentaffairs really is & I made a CONSCIOUS decision to be 100% real with students asking about this field. Ask @Erin_Moniq or @jorgeaflorimon sorry to put you on the spot lol

You can also ask my former grads. (they aren't on twitter i don't think lol) I keep it r to the e-a-l. I want them to know what this field is, not what people think it should be.

I had a grad in a 1:1 ask me why wasn't he learning the things I was teaching him in class if his program was supposed to prepare him for the field? And I have to be blunt in this moment. In a saturated field, we also have a saturation of programs & they aren't equiatable.

It is really hard to reconcile the fact that you bought the dream and they sold you one, when your first, second, maybe even third position in this field is completely contrary to how you were socialized in this field....

Back to grad school. I had a great experience overall, but some pretty significant experiences that removed the rose colored glasses from my eyes. I have peers who grad school was great and peers who grad school was the bane of their existence. Both at my alma mater and otherwise

I have been candid on here about my grad school experiences. But I will tell you, there were times in my program that I never felt so small, or isolated, or like I didn't belong. I can now see that was largely due to being the only Black woman in my cohort.

I wasn't perfect, I made mistakes. I don't harbor any malice toward my cohort members, but I now have language for some of my experiences and I can call out the ways I experienced microaggressions. That's where the mental health challenges started for me regarding this field.

I didn't have the words to express why something bothered me or why I felt a certain way. Why I felt like nothing I was doing was working. So I'm sure that came across to my cohort members as me being mean, or standoffish, or wishy washy, or whatever. I needed a therapist.

I was struggling and it seemed like no one else was. We start that sh*t in grad school. Putting on faces, being so proud to be in the field, so proud to be busy, so "blessed" to be in students' lives, and we ostracize people that don't quite fit because-

they force us to be honest with ourselves that this field ain't all that like we thought. Suppressing emotions like that is not healthy. Especially when you are encouraged to do so by supervisors and leadership.

Historically marginalized people feel this strain the most. We are assured that things will feel different when we work full time.

Then we work full time and for a lot of us, things get worse, not better. And we realized that authenticity is only valued when your authenticity is an acceptable "fit". We saw the signs in grad school, thought graduation would free us, and it didn't. That is heavy emotionally

I had support & my assistantship treated me like a human being but, I also had real feelings and anxieties dismissed by people I looked up to, who I wanted to be like. And to this day they don't know that I was harmed in their care. Because as a grad how do you say it?

This starts the cycle of keeping your emotions at bay in front of leadership and supervisors. Swallowing emotions and anxiety to not look weak. In a field that shouts work life balance from the rooftops, it can be dizzying.

And while my supervisors were very strict about 20 hours a week, some of my cohort members and other friends were not so lucky. Working 30-40 hours and being told that this is just the experience. A cruel grooming for the real world where their time is not respected.

We vastly overwork people in Student Affairs and don't pay them accordingly. There is no way that Student Activities staff should start out barely making $40K when they work 60-80 hours a week. With a Masters.

Working your fingers to the bone, trying to make ends meet, and then being told "This is what you signed up for" Honey that is a beeline to depression and anxiety.

Living paycheck to paycheck regardless of your field is no way to live. It also backs people into corners because they stay at toxic jobs to make ends meet. That is the fastest way to a mental breakdown.

Not to mention our student loans...........knowing how much I owe the US government for getting degrees I was told I HAD to have to work in my field.....that can be defeating.

I have battled depression since I was 11 years old. I didn't get a diagnosis until I was 28 when I almost had a psychotic break working housing. Therapy revealed a lot to me, and one of the biggest contributors to my condition, student affairs. I know i'm not alone.

I follow a lot of #SAPros on here. We are a depressed, anxious, and exhausted group of people and its unacceptable. It's not fair to us, it's not fair to our families, it's not fair to the students we serve. And supervision is one of the biggest reasons.

SO many of us are millennials. We can't buy houses/condos, we can't do so many things we want. (pandemic aside). I have had people in the field tell me, it's not about the money, and to a certain extent yes, but money is a very real stressor, and that excuse is tired.

If you are single in this field, oh buddy, get ready for the depression express. People assume you can just do things because you don't have a spouse or children. You're made to feel guilty when a person with a family can't do certain things. It's just...a mess.

And with time off, some of you all love to make your supervisees feel guilty about taking time off and you need to cut that out. Now. The worst is when you blast it in a meeting or a team email. It's like you want to spread your suppressed jealousy to the whole department.

I can't tell you the amount of times I have been in a meeting or read an email and the comment was made: "So and so is going to {destination}, lucky {pronoun}"

Don't tell the people you supervise that you care about their mental health and then do stuff like that. There are MUCH better ways to discuss someone's absence if it is pertinent to a team update. Some examples include:

"JB is taking some much deserved time off and won't be able to complete xyz task. Is there someone willing to take their place?"

"I'm excited that Jyothi is getting some time away from the office. I will need someone to stand in for her at the budget meeting. I will also be encouraging time off to the rest of the team as we approach a busy season"

"Monty has asked me to share that he will be taking time away for a deeply personal matter. I want to reiterate with everyone that your mental health comes first, and that I support time away."

Your words matter and can MAKE OR BREAK someone's experience in the field as a whole. This brings me to my next point. It would behoove us to WATCH OUR MOUTHS/TWEETS/STATUSES!

Me included, stop dismissing people's concerns with
"Well you haven't found the right job yet"
"Not all schools are like that"
"It's just part of the job"
"Well I've never had a bad NASPA/ACPA experience"
And all the ways we dismiss people's experiences.
We have to stop it.

Try these instead:
"I'm sorry this has been your experience, how can I help?"
"That must be tough to work in that environment, what do you feel your next steps should be?"
"No one deserves a toxic working environment, especially in Higher Ed"

"I'm so sad this conference was a negative experience for you, can I help you share your concerns higher up?"
People's reality is their reality and just because you're having the time of your life in this field, there are so many people who aren't.

In addition, stop putting things on people that they are not asking for. Specifically, PhDs. My grad program was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. If I am telling you I don't want a PhD, believe me. I mean this in love, no disrespect.

This is hard to say outloud to people that I look up to and respect. I literally considered a PhD several times because I wanted to make people proud of me, not because I actually wanted to do it. I had to let that go. Quickly.

I am still a valid scholar with a Masters degree. I'm the only grandchild on both sides of my family with Masters. I'm more educated than most of the adults in my family and they are very proud of me. I'm happy with just a Masters. I know I'm not the only one.

Be responsible when you know people look up to you, or when you are someone's mentor. That's not a dig at my mentors, I want to be very clear. I'm talking about the field as a whole.

My next point is very personal. Do not, and I meant DO NOT weaponize someone's vulnerability and transparency against them. That is one of the most damaging things that can happen in the workplace. Especially Higher Ed.

Nothing, NOTHING is more crushing when the things you have shared in order to be a transparent supervisee, get thrown in your face. I'm not going to get in specifics, but this has happened to me more than once and it hurts like hell. Not to mention exacerbated my depression.

As educators, we take on a lot. Students trust us with things that they don't trust anyone else with. Some of us are constantly in crisis mode and we just want people to go on as usual? That's cruel. If your employer doesn't encourage EAP or therapy, yet strains you mentally?

And with 2020 being the way that it has been, some of y'all have the audacity to still be daft. How do you expect people to show up when this year has brought so much chaos, and loss, and sadness? Not to mention a coup attempt by the sitting president...

It's like, we know how to support our students but then, that same dignity is not applied to us as staff? And then we wonder why people leave the field. We cling to tradition and white supremacy like life support and wonder why people are unhappy.

Our field preaches social justice, while stepping on all of the marginalized people at the same time. As a Black woman in this field, this is the part that hurts the most. We have all this knowledge and all of these resources to be better, yet we CHOOSE not to? How irresponsible.

This field is absolutely abelist and I'm sick of it. If I am depressed and anxious all of the time, how am I supposed to show up? And how can I even tell you if we are still stigmatizing mental health? Tell me. I want to know. #SAChat

We irresponsibly recruit people into a fantasy and then blame them for why they aren't having a good time. Some of the things that have been said to me or my friends in this field have been out of this world and not in a good way. What meaning am I to make of that? #SAChat

"Be your authentic self" Me being authentic has gotten me more trouble than assimilating to whiteness. In a field that prides itself on social change....I'm at a loss and the dissonance leads to unhappiness in the work place.

Mind you, I'm talking about my career as a whole. So in case people wanna snitch, you're not snitching.

I am very excited about my new job that I start on Tuesday. I truly have a good feeling about this job. I feel like I will finally hit my stride and be appreciated for all of who I am. It won't be perfect, but it will be worth it. At the same time-

What did it cost me to get here, 8 years after I said yes to FSU? How much of my mental health suffered to get to this point? It's a lot to ponder.

Some people get so blessed in this field to truly love what they do and I'm happy for them. I don't envy them. I just believe we all should be able to happy in our jobs and be treated with dignity and respect.

More often than not, I'm talking to my #studentaffairs peers of color and they are bogged down mentally and emotionally by their jobs or their colleagues.

I talk to my #studentaffairs peers who actually care about social justice and change, regardless of race, and they are met with opposition and are strong armed by leadership. The leadership who charged them with the task to change.

And I'm concerned at how long the changing of the guard will take in this field, generationally speaking, and if that change of guard will embrace change or continue to resist it. Because there are plenty of millennials who are addicted to playing the game to be a gatekeeper.

That's actually depressing to think about. To know that your generation can be the generation that makes sweeping changes to our field, but some will resist, and claw, and fight to cling to the old ways.

I know my thread is long today, and as I always say, I love this field. I can't see myself doing anything else. So since I've decided to stay, I've decided to fight for it. To continue to make it relevant before it disappears. And our mental health will make or break it.

We have to treat each other with dignity and respect. We have to mean what we say. We have to unlearn bias. We have to stop lying to people about what this field is and tell the truth!

Student Affairs has the potential to change the world. I believe that, but not without cost. We need to care for each other the way we care for students. We can't keep pouring to our students from empty cups. We can't keep running people into the ground & paying them pennies.

If we are being treated poorly by leadership, we cannot take that out on the people we supervise by neglecting them or making them feel less than. We can't dismiss people's emotions. We can't say, "trust me", then break that trust. This field is relational.

I will never forget my former AVP and Director pulling me into his office and genuinely asking me if I was okay. He genuinely was concerned that I was going to end my life. I felt seen for the first time in months in that position. That helped me in more ways than one.

He threw his title to the side and talked to me like a human being and I'm so grateful for that. And I would work for him again if I had the chance. I know not everyone had the same relationship with him in that way, but that shaped me because the care was genuine.

This field cannot afford slip ups anymore. We have to put staff mental health first or it will crumble from the inside and rot like a tree stricken with blight. Let's commit to making this field better for us, NOW. So that the ones that come after us won't struggle as hard.

If you want simple tips on how you can make your workplace better, my DMS are open. If you want consultation for your department, my purse is open. We have to do better by each other in this field. That is social justice. That is equity. That is liberation.