Read on Twitter
asexuality & ace headcanons: a thread
brought to you by many tweets and posts over the years going âthis character canât be ace, they have sexâ or âheadcanon-ing this character as ace is homophobic!â and many variations of âall aces hate/donât have sex.â this might get a bit nsfw
brought to you by many tweets and posts over the years going âthis character canât be ace, they have sexâ or âheadcanon-ing this character as ace is homophobic!â and many variations of âall aces hate/donât have sex.â this might get a bit nsfw
first, what is asexuality: asexuality and its spectrum are only, and I repeat, *only* about experiencing little to no sexual attraction. thatâs it.
what is sexual attraction? how is it different than finding someone aesthetically pleasing? how are being turned on and sexual attraction different things? well, thatâs very simple:
if you find a painting beautiful, it doesnât mean you feel the desire to have sex with it. thatâs the difference between sexual attraction towards someone and finding them aesthetically pleasing.
if for example, you watch some porn, it might turn you on. you might be aroused. that doesnât mean youâre sexually attracted to the people youâre currently watching having sex. thatâs the difference between sexual attraction and being turned on/sexually aroused.
with that, here are some simple asexuality facts to remember:
asexuality =/= not having crushes (crushes arenât inherently sexual)
asexuality =/= not experiencing romantic attraction (that would be being aromantic as well)
asexuality =/= not finding people aesthetically pleasing
asexuality =/= not having crushes (crushes arenât inherently sexual)
asexuality =/= not experiencing romantic attraction (that would be being aromantic as well)
asexuality =/= not finding people aesthetically pleasing
asexuality =/= not masturbating
asexuality =/= not wanting to kiss
asexuality =/= disliking sexual content
asexuality =/= celibacy (which is a choice)
asexuality =/= not experiencing arousal
asexuality =/= not wanting to have sex
asexuality =/= not wanting to kiss
asexuality =/= disliking sexual content
asexuality =/= celibacy (which is a choice)
asexuality =/= not experiencing arousal
asexuality =/= not wanting to have sex
note: some asexuals do indeed not want to kiss, do not masturbate, etc. but that's not what makes them asexual. it's just a part of their own, personal experience with asexuality. it is very far from an universal ace experience.
âasexuality =/= not wanting to have sex?? how???â you ask. now, this is the one aspect of asexuality that many people, even some aces from what Iâve seen, do not know about. and the one that leads to the most misunderstandings.
like I said, asexuality is only about experiencing little to no sexual attraction. most aces donât have sex, but many aces have sex as well for a variety of reasons.
now, Iâm not the biggest fan of the asexuality and food comparison, because food is an actual necessity to live, while sex isnât. because I trust people to not need a comparison to understand, Iâm going to use the actual words
sex-favorable aces do not experience sexual attraction. but they love sex. they love it for whatever reason (for fun, for the thrill, for the feeling, etc), and for that reason, theyâll likely seek it out.
sex-repulsed aces also do not experience sexual attraction. they heavily dislike sex for whatever reason (scary, unsafe, boring, disgust, etc), and they will *not* have sex, maybe even not masturbate as well.
sex-neutral/indifferent aces also do not experience sexual attraction. they donât have a strong opinion on sex. they know itâs fun, but yeah, no strong feelings about it. so, they might or might not have sex.
now, maybe youâre still a bit confused about how that works. let me try to explain.
having sex for asexuals, is a bit like masturbating. assuming you donât always think about your crush while masturbating, that is. masturbating gives you pleasure, but thereâs no one around to be sexually attracted to while you do so. itâs only about the feeling it procures you.
when asexuals have sex, they experience everything the same as you do; except they just donât feel sexually attracted to the person theyâre having sex with. like how you feel when you masturbate. itâs only about the feeling, one they choose to share with that other person.
sex-favourable and sex-neutrals aces might engage in sex for a variety of reasons: from simply enjoying it, to wanting kids, to wanting to make their partner happy, to wanting to feel good, and so on, and so on.
asexuality is a spectrum. from demi-aces (who only experience sexual attraction once theyâve developed a strong bond) to grey-aces (who experience it very rarely or under specific conditions), and sex-neutral, sex-repulsed, and sex-favorable aces; all are different.
the bottom line is: many asexuals donât want to have sex, but some do. there are as many shades of asexuality as there are asexuals. their one common point is what makes them asexual in the first place: not experiencing sexual attraction.
which leads us to the next subject of this thread: ace headcanons.
over the years, Iâve seen quite a few people going, âthis character has sex (now), so I canât headcanon them as ace (anymore).â this is deeply hurtful to aces who have sex, because it implies that if they have sex, they canât call themselves asexual anymore.
which, I hope you understand this now, is very far from the truth.
itâs also hurtful to say âheadcanon-ing this character as ace is stupid/makes no sense because they have sex in canon.â I donât need to repeat to you why, on top of just simply being a mean thing to say about something that doesnât affect you.
and which, frankly, you clearly don't understand and didn't even try to understand.
saying âheadcanon-ing a gay/lesbian character as ace is homophobicâ is equally hurtful to homoromantic aces (again, some of whom have sex!), because unless an asexual person is also aromantic, they do feel romantic attraction. being ace doesn't make them less gay.
many aces have ace headcanons because they saw a part of themselves in the character, regardless of whether the character has sex or not in canon. please have a bit more compassion when talking about others' harmless headcanons.
there is, of course, a fine line where a headcanon can cross into purist culture, stripping away a characterâs sexuality by headcanon-ing them as ace just because you donât want them to have sex. this, again, doesnât comply with what it really means to be asexual.
itâs just the sexuality being used as an excuse to drive home anti-queer rhetoric, which is hurtful to asexuals as much as anyone else.
on the topic of misusing asexual headcanons, if youâre not going to make it about demi/grey-asexuality, it is also hurtful to have an asexual headcanon for the sole purpose of making the character go through a âsexual awakeningâ after meeting âThe Oneâ
this plays into dangerous âaces can be/need to be fixed by sex/loveâ ideas that are a real, acephobic issue.
all these misconceptions about asexuality and ace headcanons lead many asexuals to either:
- not bother with asexual headcanons
- not dare to be vocal about their asexual headcanons (including through fic)
- feel bad for seeing themselves in this or that character
which like, sucks, for a mere personal interpretation of a fictional character.
- not dare to be vocal about their asexual headcanons (including through fic)
- feel bad for seeing themselves in this or that character
which like, sucks, for a mere personal interpretation of a fictional character.
to end this, to non-aces: ace headcanons do not harm you, and they do not necessarily erase canon sex if there is any. fandom is floored with sexual attraction/tension-driven posts/jokes, and being ace in fandom spaces can be a lonely, alienating experience at times for some aces
be kinder, and when someone has a headcanon that doesn't make sense to you, go on your way, or try to understand it. I sincerely hope this thread helped with that.
if you have ace headcanons as a non-ace, that's great! but be careful and think about why you do, and be careful about how you voice it when/if you change your mind.
to aces who might be scared/hesitating to be vocal about their headcanons and write about them: don't be. your stories deserve to be heard.
many other ace people want to read them, and many non-aces and ace-questioning people are also interested in learning more about your experiences!
as a fanfiction writer, this thread was also spurred on by the massive amount of enthusiasm and thank yous I got after writing a fic featuring a sex-favorable ace character. your words matter! people care! https://twitter.com/xieliansbuns/status/1329616974897410048?s=19
Iâm not against questions (as long as this thread doesnât blow up), but know thereâs not much more I can say on the topic! hereâs a good link (which also links to other sources) to check first https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/ but it repeats pretty much what Iâve said here.
I would also like to say that I wrote this thread as a biromantic (sex-neutral) asexual, and sought out the opinion of several ace people from all corners of the spectrum before posting this.
anyway, i'm finally [lies down] done! I hope this thread helped you understand asexuality a bit better! <3
adding this interview about @asexuality to this thread. says essentially what I said but still a very good source! https://twitter.com/theyasminbenoit/status/1331650738632744961?s=19
oh boy this is starting to blow up a little, what do people do when that happens? promote something? ahhhh I guess I write fanfiction? but to stay in the theme, here's a link that directs you to my "asexual character"-tagged fics 
https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=Asexual+Character&commit=Sort+and+Filter&pseud_id=b_ofdale&user_id=b_ofdale
https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=Asexual+Character&commit=Sort+and+Filter&pseud_id=b_ofdale&user_id=b_ofdale
the older it is the clumsier the subject of asexuality gets since I'd only recently figured out I was ace, but yeah. whether you're looking for aces who have sex or aces who don't, I've got you covered!
