Aight I gotta get some stuff off the old chest here. This isn't really directed at anyone in particular, and I don't levy blame at anyone at all, whether they see this or not. I've just been really goin through it right now and need somewhere to say stuff. I got nowhere bruh.

I've pretty much gotten to the point where all of my friends have heard all about my issues and my depression, and don't wanna hear it anymore. Again, no blame, no grudges. I'm glad, truly, that I have friends that take care of their own mental health, at least a little.

Also, please don't respond to this publically. If you must say something, be it for comfort, anger, or whatever, all of you have some way of reaching me. And I really don't expect this thread to reach many people I don't know. Finally, with the disclaimers out of the way, pain.

I've been feeling chronically alone and petrified lately. I haven't had motivation to do anything for months, even when it's hurting me. Haven't really had many meaningful conversations with anyone for a while either. Maybe a few in the last few months?

I don't get to see anyone because corona, and that's not so bad, or it wouldn't be if I could VC with people or whatever. Unfortunately, I feel kinda afraid of getting on call with people. I haven't really done anything in so long. I just sit here. Don't even play games anymore.

I have so many commitments that I've let slip. Even a mountain of homework to do. I just don't do any of them, and I don't know why. Everything is just getting so much worse too. It's gotten to the point where even my head isn't safe. I can't even have my own thoughts or feelings

And it's not like someone else is stopping me. My brain is sick. I may not even be the real me. I could very well be just another mask put on by the inhabitant of this mind and body to shield herself from the world. All I've felt in months is pain. Even that's going away. Empty.

I don't have anyone I feel safe talking to. All of my friends either don't care, don't have the time, don't wanna hear it, can't listen for their own health, or I don't feel safe talking to them about it. And don't get me started on my parents.

My parents are rarely around, and when they are, they just demand I do stuff. I try to talk about anything I have any interest in, and I get silenced because they don't care. They literally have said that they don't care and that I'm annoying. Then they say I'm taking advantage??

I don't know. I just feel so alone. Always have. Nobody I like appears to see me as an equal, and quite frankly I agree. I can't seem to make lasting positive connections. Sure, I've helped some people, but far more often I destroy. That's part of why I chose my name. Katrina.

Anyways, I'll wrap this up. If anyone actually READ this, thanks. I hope it didn't hurt to read or anything. I'm just screaming into the void here, don't pay too much mind. I love so many people but I don't know how much more I can take. I hope this isn't so long and goodnight.