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:/// i don't like crying out of nowhere. i don't like being hit with a huge wave of self hatred and the feeling of being inferior to everyone else around me. I'm sorry for being such a stupid asshole all the time and not getting jokes and not understanding how to time things and
getting little things wrong and asking stupid questions. sometimes i wish I could just disappear off the face of the earth and come back new. have a fresh start and a second chance for a loving family and a group of friends who won't grow to hate me for things i can't control. be
able to do things right this time and make better habits for myself from when I was young so i don't have to retrain 17 years of bad coping skills and habits. I'm sorry I can't do shit the way you want, mom. I'm sorry I have different views from you, dad. I'm sorry to my brother
that i was such a stupid little kid who couldn't just ignore you when you were being an ass to me. I'm sorry to my teachers for being a failure. I'm sorry to my ex friends for not being how you wanted me to be. but I'm especially sorry to myself for letting me become this much of
a broken fucking person. i probably won't graduate this year. i can't focus enough to even start to clean my room. i can't concentrate on anything that matters. instead of taking time to take care of myself i spend my time making things for and trying to help the people I care
about, whether or not they care about me back. i say to everyone else you can't take care of anyone until you take care of yourself but I can't even fucking listen to that. I'm such a fucking hypocrite asshole and I'm tired of it. i don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore one
second and then the next I'm spilling my guts to people I'll never meet, being a burden and bother to them all. i can't do anything right. my friends abandon me. my family hates me and then pretends thats its love. i can't fucking handle this anymore. i can't fucking breathe.
i feel like I need to say after all that that I'll be safe, i won't do anything unsafe. i just have to get this shit out here because I can't just let it keep echoing around in my mind. /srs
ill delete this thread in the morning.
ill delete this thread in the morning.
