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I got a lot of replies to my last tweet about the âwhatâre you looking for?â question from dating app matches along the lines of âI want them to be up front.â and for those people I say, thank you for your response, however, I have some thoughts of my own. Strap in:
So, to those that responded with "I want them to be upfront about what they want, and I want to know I'm not wasting my time." or something along those lines, the first thing I want to ask is why are you so worried about wasting your time?
Don't get me wrong, you're a shitty person if someone who is interested in you genuinely asks "what are you looking for?" and you respond by lying.
But also, if you ask the "what are you looking for?" question hoping for a genuine answer, I feel that (and I mean this as nicely as possible) that you're approaching relationships with too little skepticism.
There is not a shred of doubt in my mind, that each and every person on this planet has tried to hide their flaws from people whose opinion matters to them. To say otherwise is very naive.
And yes, I understand that sounds VERY cynical and very pessimistic, but at the same time, that cynicism is mirrored by you when you insinuate that asking the "what are you looking for?" question protects you against people who would waste your time.
Let me wrap up this point by saying that you can disagree with anything that I'm saying and I will still wholeheartedly respect you as a person, this will not change our twitter-lationship at any time.
And, let me also add that in my fucked up head, my interpretation of the "what are you looking for?" question is "prove your worth to me because my time is valuable." I have MAJOR abandonment issues, I'm working it out in therapy.
I'm starting to notice that this thread is not as thought-provoking as I tried to make it in my head.
