Let's

1) Sandboxes bore me to motherfucking tears, if I wanted a world where I can go around people's houses and steal their cutlery, I'd go outside and become the modern Diogenes

2) I don't care how fucking beautiful the game looks if i'm gonna run past all the assets in a haze of trying to shoot dudes. The polygonal arms race serves nobody but physical game magazines that need screenshots to print. And nobody buys these anymore.

3) I believe in turn based supremacy

4) Nintendo DS was the best console to be ever released

5) Payday 2 is a better game about doin' heists than GTA 5 and I will die spitting on the latter

6) I don't like Sonic. I don't even have any particular beef with the games, they just don't feel right to me.

Give me a map to plan my run, please.

7) I don't understand people who play dudes in games with character creation. You can't even play fun dressup because the developers don't want to be called destroyers of western tradition by people whose mental development stopped in late grade school

8) Speaking of dressup, give me another game like Resonance of Fate where I can just play around with the looks of every playable character and they all stay in that look through the whole game.

I don't even care for the gunplay of that game at this point and I put 100 hours in

9) If you want to be meta, transgressive and oooh breaking the fourth wall, *please* have more to say than "haha wow aren't limitation and conventions of the video game medium weird?"

We all played Undertale. We get it. And it wasn't new back then either.

10) I don't need a vehicle that moves me around your map faster, I need your map to be smaller

11) Nintendo is a bad company that unfortunately makes exceptionally good products

12) Visual novels are not games, they're novels. That said, anyone afraid of reading is a filthy coward that spits upon the sacrifices of their ancestors that considered the written word to be magic, deserve no respect and will be sacrificed to Nidhogg to ensure bountiful harvest

13) I am tired of RPG settings being limited to sword'n'boarding and a few different flavours of sci-fi

Caveman RPG when

14) Games need to draw inspiration from more than film and other games

15) Music is a much more important component than graphics. Sometimes it's more important than the gamefeel too.

16) Minigames are not that bad and I don't know why people keep treating them like they're universally garbage

17) Just give me a Megaman game based on The Protomen album. It can be fanmade and one hour long, I don't give a fuck, give me cyberpunk Megaman

18) No balance is best balance. I'll take Alpha Centauri's or Total Warhammer 2's insane asymmetry over chess any day.

19) I feel nothing for cards. Building decks, optimization, whatever. If your game is abstracted through being a TCG, I'm out.

20) Missable content based on how you play the game and approach the quests/building your character is very good and makes the world of the game feel real and not like a amusement park

21) Give me an option to choose which way my character holds their weapon, you cowards

22) Any sort of attempt to criticise players of your game by making the protagonist a total loser is bound to backfire because you're covering a WIDE array of people with that broad stroke.

Except Travis Touchdown, Travis did it perfectly, thank you Suda

23) I still can't believe that fucking Starcraft, a game where you can't order more than 12 units at the same time, became the standard for RTSes for years to come

24) Please give me a nonlethal way to approach problems in every game. I grew up playing MGS2 and 3 and just giving me the option is 100% guaranteed to make me feel icky about killing virtual dudes and dudettes even if there is no change to the story

25) If getting a buff or taking drugs makes my bullets deal more damage in your game, you ought to be slapped upside your ear for bad design

26) Civ 4 best civ because of how insanely moddable it is. Gamebryo is a surprisingly good engine for a strategy game

27) PCMR, not even for any technical or muh ultra graphux reasons, but just because game preservation is a real thing on a platform with no shelf life end date

28) I appreciate fighting games on every level except when it comes to actually play them, I can't play mindgames and just go full monke

29) Morality systems in games are bad because morality is not a system in real life, especially not a binary one

30) Speaking of, why are so many devs incapable of writing 'evil' choices that are more interesting than kicking dogs on streets

31) Nier Gestalt is still the best game by Yoko Taro

32) The stagnation among big AAA titles draws my soul away and makes me extremely skeptical of games with, like, any marketing

33) I don't like romance in games as a gameplay mechanic. It just feels extremely artificial as you get relationship points. Same reason why dating sims all feel similar.

Romance as a plot element is fine. Odin Sphere's story slapped.

34) Give me a sci-fi or fantasy game where humans just straight up don't exist

(Yes, I am aware of Vangers)

35) If your progression system doesn't make me feel any changes as I keep playing the game, why is it even there?

Oh god the likes keep coming

36) Hitman: Silent Assassin is not the untouchable classic that a lot of grognards make it out to be, just the fact that you have single missions split into several levels that DON'T keep your disguise and equipment between them can go fuck itself

37) MOBAs bad but their success should really show the developers that there is a market for Gauntlet-styled games with a variety of characters that have unique skills

[another hero shooter comes out]
No, I said "Gauntlet"

38) The PS3/360 gen was the dark age and the few great gems we got doesn't change the fact

39) I kinda want to try playing on Virtual Boy to see how fast it will make me vomit

40) Piracy is a problem of availability, not ethics, especially in the modern landscape of digital distribution

Long periods of prevalent piracy CAN create a culture of "hehe why buy anything, I'm not an idiot" but it does get rooted out fast because most people are not shit

41) I miss Flash games and their boom. I swear it was the wild west of creativity

42) Some things are better when unfinished, old boy, than when finished too much

43) Gimme more urban fantasy games pls

44) Speaking of urbanization, city builders slap, please bring back non-modern city builders

45) Healing items should not be lying around in the overworld with you being able to pinch them cost-free, it only makes them feel useless. Always tie them to a cost, monetary or by making them an enemy drop.

46) Oh yeah, speaking of drops, don't reward killing stuff if your story is about the evils of killing stuff, especially if the only choices given to the player are wanton murder and stealing

47) Less remakes, more availability for old games on new hardware

48) Make another game with God Hand's right-analog-for-dodging setup you cowards

49) The medium's biggest issue is that both developers and players fall into habits VERY easily, copying mechanics and strategies with zero thought on why they would be present in the works they copy from

50) I dread playing The Void and I had it on my backlog for a decade now because it fits NONE of my habits or pre-existing conventions and that is TERRIFYING

Yes, I am a hypocrite

51) Tropico 2 was cool despite being a completely different game than the rest of the series, give me more "manager of a hive of scum and villainy" games

52) I don't mind product placement in games. It's silly at worst and makes the world feel a bit more grounded (if it's a contemporary setting) at best

53) Sports games have no excuse in a day and age where roster changes can be done by a patch

54) Don't give me a bunch of fun tools that I can use only to penalize using them with a bad ending or a worse score in the game, what the fuck is wrong with you

55) SMT/Persona system of SP management throughout the entire dungeon is THE best use of the whole magic-as-spendable-resource mechanic to ever exist

56) On that note, Divinity OS making spells a bunch of cooldown abilities that synergize with each other is also stellar

57) Protagonists from previous installments returning to be a bossfight or a mentor is THE shit

58) Crafting sucks

59) I feel nothing for platformers as a genre for the most part

60) Having a second, auxillary screen where the game can display stuff like detailed character data should be a standard by now

Do not forget the DS's lessons!

61) Instakill attacks/moves can suck a dong especially if the game is of a "game over if the main character dies" type

I'm looking at you, Mem Aleph

62) Show me the dicerolls if your game is based on them. Hiding them behind a screen just leads to frustration.

63) Let status effects work on bosses, you cowards

64) I don't know what's stopping companies from buying already-finished fan translations for pennies and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask

65) Paradox games are great and pretty simple, they just have negative UI readability (outside of CK3)

66) Not all conflict is violence and there is plenty to gamify outside of hurting people. Just look at Disco Elysium

67) Fallout 3 bad

68) Bullet time never gets old

69) Bloodborne hiding a weapon behind NG+ and backloading a lot of the cooler combat shit is a war crime

70) I'm sick and fucking tired of Manhattan/New York in video games