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Women sometimes respond ungraciously when you compliment their appearance because it doesn’t feel like a common courtesy, like holding open a door. It feels like a reminder that we’re always being judged, and an obligation to pretend to be pleased that you gave us a passing grade
If you’re struggling to understand why it would feel that way, and it’s okay if you are, try to imagine if another grown man were to walk up to you and say “I don’t think you’re ugly.”
Imagine him saying it like he fully expects this is the best news you’ll hear all day.
Imagine him saying it like he fully expects this is the best news you’ll hear all day.
Imagine another man saying “You are attractive to me”, out of the blue. Imagine him acting like this is an achievement you ought to be proud of, and an honor to be told so by him. Imagine him saying it, then smiling at you, staring, clearly waiting to be thanked.
Imagine someone really weird saying it, like your boss or your father in law, someone you’d maybe rather die than discuss your sex life with, telling you they can see how someone might hypothetically be sexually attracted to you. Feel uncomfortable? Maybe a bit bewildering?
Imagine knowing that you must respond immediately in exactly the way he expects, enthusiastic and humbly flattered, without expressing anything that could be interpreted as sexual interest on your part, but reassuring him that you appreciate his
Still with me? Then to close out this weird thought exercise, try to imagine knowing that if you fail to respond to his satisfaction, there’s a decent chance that he will go absolutely apeshit on you and call you a stupid stuck up slutty ugly prick.
Wondering how to avoid this crappy scene? Considering simply never speaking to a woman again? I have excellent news! You can continue speaking to human females platonically without ever making her want to crawl out of her skin, and it’s easy. All you have to do is this:
In all situations in which expressing sexual interest would be unwanted or inappropriate, do not make any observations about a woman’s appearance that you would not make to your boss about his tie.
That’s it. That is exactly the right level of unsolicited judgement, social stakes, and expectation for gratitude that is okay to leverage on a person when they’re just trying to exist on any given Tuesday.
Thank you for reading. If you’ve learned something in the course of this thread, congrats! 
glad you’re here, glad you care. 
glad you’re here, glad you care.
