I'm making a mistake but

I'm reading Ready Player Two

I'm not ready for this, but I need to rip the bandaid off eventually.

This is going to be one hell of a thread.

Stay tuned, and I'm sorry in advance.

Okay wow so it really just picks up right where the last book left off. LIke, literally. I know that nobody really reads the sequel first but it's been years Earnest, not even gonna give a small recap?

Also looks like we're getting some SAO "the game is real" bullshit with this.

OH MY GOD THE ONI HEADSET LITERALLY HAS A "If you forcibly remove it, it'll fry the brain" SECTION IN THE MANUAL

THIS REALLY IS SAO BULLSHIT

NOOO why is his password one of my favorite 80s songs

I mean, everything in this book is a cheap 80s reference, but leave the stuff I LIKE out of it Ernest you fucking ape of an author < /3

HE ENDS THE FUCKING PROLOGUE WITH A TITLE DROP I'M SO MAD

Oh dear lord is there race changing gender bend TF BULLSHIT in THE FIRST FUCKING CHAPTER OF THIS HELL BOOK?

I CANNOT

OH NO I'M AT THE SEX PART

THERE'S LITERALLY A FILE CALLED

"SEX-Nonbinary.oni"

HELP ME I MADE A MISTAKE

So apparently Halliday cured like

every disability with his R&D department. He fucking just looked at blind people and said "implant cameras in their eyes lol"

HOLY SHIT ERNEST JUST SKIPS THE WHOLE ETHICAL DEBATE OF THE ONI IMPLANT. HE LITERALLY JUST SAYS IN A PARAGRAPH

"WE VOTED, AND THE MAJORITY SAID RELEASE IT"

HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND WAS AGAINST IT AND HE GLOSSED OVER ALL THAT DRAMA IN A PARAGRAPH?? SKIPPING THE WHOLE DEBATE

THE ONI HEADSET WAS MARKED AT A LOW PRICE AND IS LITERALLY GETTING TO LIVE IN VIRTUAL REALITY AND HAVE IT BE REAL AND IT SOLD LESS THAN THE PS5 HAS ALREADY AT LAUNCH

IT TIED WITH THE PS4. THE MOST REVOLUTIONARY DEVICE TO EVER EXIST SOLD AS WELL AS THE PS FUCKING FOUR

Okay so after a *year* it went from "not as much as the PS2 to literally "four billion sold".

From one unrealistic extreme to another lol

In chapter two the main character literally forms a super monopoly after a hostile takeover of their only genuine competitor in the VR industry.

Something tells me that Ernest Cline and his self insert aren't huge on communism...

OKAY AND NOW TWO THIRDS OF THE POPULATION OF EARTH USE THIS FUCKING ONI HEADSET OVER THE COURSE OF TWO YEARS WHAT THE FUCK

ALSO YES TWO YEARS HAVE PASSED OVER THE COURSE OF PARAGRAPHS I'M NOT EVEN GLOSSING OVER INFORMATION

THEY CALL THE REAL WORLD

THE EARL

AS IN 'IRL'

I'M GOING TO CRY

"Instead of following celebrities you can pay me money and I'll let you LIVE IN THEIR DIGITAL SKIN FOR AN HOUR AND IT WILL FEEL REAL"

this feels so fucking creepy lmao

holy shit this book literally says "instead of using my money to help people not be poor I let poor people pay me to feel rich. Everybody loves it! I swear!"

I'm ranting about this in multiple places and this idea is literally Earnest Cline and his book I swear to FUCK

"to any future generations- if there are any"

BITCH IS WADE THE FUCKING GARY STU CUCK GOING TO END THE WORLD THROUGH ANOTHER GOD DAMN REFERENCE EASTER EGG HUNT

ERNEST WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING

wait oh my GOD THE PROLOGUE WAS BROKEN UP IN TO PARTS

I ACTUALLY ONLY JUST GOT TO CHAPTER ONE

OH MY GOD THAT WAS ALL THE PROLOGUE

I'M HAVING A CRISIS

And I didn't even *mention* the Sharters

So people just go to Wade's shitty old apartment on tours and, even more hilariously

school field trips

It has been FOUR YEARS and they're teaching about Wade in SCHOOL

...........

And now he's basically playing Ring Fit Adventure: Indiana Jones Reference Edition

THIS ISN'T GOOD WRITING ITS A FUCKIN PRODUCT DESCRIPTION

Lmao wade is such a fucking creep he paid off the families of dead actors to get the rights to make AI versions of them so he can roleplay Ghostbusters

One of the main characters' parents died to a pandemic

I-

is Covid... canon in Ready Player Two?

NOOOO

This is literally the name of the virtual world on the last hope for humanity ship

And it's leet speak

For fucks fake lmao

I finished chapter one and somehow the main conflict is both:

"the world is dying and I need to find a way to save humanity" and also "I'm too much of an epic gamer for my gf who doesn't love me anymore."

I think I'm gonna take a break for now lol.

Just made a fleet about my late night reading but the main character is a real fucking creep lol

I read a bit more last night before bed so while I have time at work I'll recap things a bit.

Our protag is a massive loser. His other billionaire friends are living great, philanthropic lives yet he's killing trolls online and cyberstalking his ex

Also the Oni headsets are so good that unless you have someone watch over you or you go to some place secure someone could rob you or kill you and you wouldn't notice.

Wade's solution? Cheap capsule hotels he makes more money off of

Also so far Wade is not said to be in the wrong. He concedes perhaps he's not doing things right and being a bit too reclusive, but the only indication he's wrong is Samantha calling him out, which he brushes off as her being a hypocrite as he cyber stalks her for hours

Wade is the bastard child of Notch, Elon Musk, and the last reddit nice guy who called you a slur.

Oops! Was continuing the thread on the wrong reply chain, here's what y'all missed

Also

WADE COLLECTED THE FUCKING CHAOS EMERALDS. HE WENT TO MOBIUS PRIME AND COLLECTED THE FUCKING CHAOS EMERALDS I SHIT YOU NOT. THIS FUCKING ELON MUSK LOOKIN ASS BITCH

Uh oh, a new gamer girl has entered the scene.

I wonder if she's the trans girl I saw in some of the snippets that were floating around last night?

I can already feel myself dreading this love triangle from hell.

HOLY SHIT THE QUEER PANDERING IS SO OBVIOUS AND SURFACE LEVEL WITH L0hengrin IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE'S THE TRANS GIRL YET BUT EVERY DESCRIPTION OF HER SCREAMS

"lOOK! I WROTE A QUEER CHARACTER!"

Like her avatar changes gender at a whim (described to be 'Ranma like'), her female avatar cross dresses, and Wade was all like "I didn't look up her irl details not because I respected her BUT BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THE MYSTERY AND THE FUN OF HEADCANONS AND GUESSING."

This man will fucking namedrop SAO and the chaos emeralds but calls an anthro monkey a

"half-man, half-monkey creature."

Ernest if your readers know what a Chaos Emerald is they probably know what furries are

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

"OF COURSE THE IGNORANT MALES DOUBT YOU, BUT I BELIEVE YOU, SISTER!"

THIS FEELS LIKE A FUCKING PARODY

A FUCKING INCEL REDDIT POST MAKING FUN OF PROGRESSIVE WOMEN

I'M FUCKING DYING

OH LOOK AT THAT, THE GENDER BENDING GIRL POWER CHARACTER IS THE TRANS GIRL

GEE ERNEST I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

also Wade 100% just went from "I shall not peer in on her" to "I'm going to pull up video feed of her in her house and gawk"

ERNEST INVENTED A WHOLE NEW GENDER IDENTITY

BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A SEXUAL IDENTITY?

SINCE IT'S CALLED "OGENDER" BUT IT'S ABOUT ONLY HAVING SEX IN THE VIRTUAL WORLD AND AS ANY AND EVERY GENDER?

SO IT'S KINDA BOTH?

I STILL DON'T LIKE ERNEST INVENTING A NEW BLANKET GENDER IDENTITY

I am now a quarter of the way through this book from hell

Wade is haunted by recurring nightmares in which he contemplates destroying the Oasis accompanied by Salt and Peppa singing "Push It" to him for hours on end as he thinks about pushing the kill switch button.

The economy in this book makes zero sense. Wade casually gives a billion dollars away as if it's nothing, someone recreates Rivendell for 2 billion dollars idk it just feels like 'billion' loses all meaning when your main character gives that away as a reward for solving a riddle

Oh my GOD Nolan Sorrento broke out of prison? Are you kidding me?

For people who know nothing about the first one, this was the antagonist from the first book. He was on like, super death row after trying to kill everyone to get the egg in the first book.

So apparently there's some crazy good hacker man out to do some bad shit and help Nolan out of prison and kidnap Wade's mentor.

Since I guess "the world is dying lol" isn't enough of a dire plot for Wade to have to deal with

Okay and now Halliday's rogue AI copy of himself is ALSO the villain?

It feels like this book has 12 antagonists but also 0, all while Wade, the biggest piece of shit on the planet, is somehow still our hero

IT'S LITERALLY SAO

THE LOGOUT BUTTON GOT REMOVED

THEY FUCKING REMOVED THE LOG OUT BUTTON

MENTAL SHUTDOWN IF THEY DON'T WIN THE GAME

IT'S LITERALLY SAO

AND THEY NAME DROPPED SAO AGAIN

ITS SO BLATANT

I JUST SCREAMED I CAN'T EVEN PROCESS WHAT I JUST READ

THIS IS REAL

DEAR LORD

I SCREAMED OUT LOUD