So I used to go to the WholeFoods in Westwood, and sometime in grad school one of my favorite sweats broke; the elastic dried out. Well. Why would I throw away a perfectly good pair of sweatpants out??

These broken sweats are special: they’re Amherst sweats that are on permanent loan to me — like everything in the British Museum!— when we broke into the Amherst women’s rugby locker room during a Homecoming match. They have “sucks” right under “Amherst College”, for flourish

So I did what any sensible person would do: I tied shoelace around the band, rolled them up and kept them!

Btw I still have these sweats

And I would walk down the hill daily to go to WF, in my broken sweats with shoelace tied around them, my canvas bag with the hole in it, buying overpriced Kale just really vibing

I used to have this broken Bottega Veneta wallet — I like nice things that are broken in and somewhat abused— and my favorite cashier used to look at me really confused, b/c I would do things like pay for groceries w/rolls of pennies — I love saving change— forget my debit cards

Just a mess! I don’t really care too much for class posturing so sometimes my cards would be turned down and I’d be like “oh I forgot the pin to this one” and they’d have to hold my groceries — just a mess

Anyway one day I drove to WF and I had my sweats on, tied with shoelace and my typical payment issues —and he helped me out to my car. My dude said “I know you fucking lying. You’re not homeless?!”

I should also include that I am always trying to haggle at the checkout line, which is ridiculous I know but it seems like it’s always worth a try

I was laughed and was like “you thought I was homeless?” He was like “Yes, you never have any money and homeless ppl come in here all the time with that line and you tie your sweatpants with shoe lace.” Lololll I mean what can you do but laugh

He was like “You always try to get sale prices on things and I just thought you were...”

I was like, “I’m frugal and in grad school, lolol.”

And he was like “yeah but you know .... I think it was the shoelace am rolls of pennies that one time” lolololl

Then he was like “you threw me off with that nice wallet but it looks like it’s been run over so I wasn’t sure, you know homeless people in LA wear designer sweater”

Me: “you sure?"

Him: “definitely on the West Side. We get vegan ones that come in here and steal all the time”

This is to say I am always reminded of this story when I wear my beloved, broken sweats which I’m tweeting about instead of actually washing

And you know the part that was crazy?! After that he actually started cutting me deals! I was like you act like it’s you that owns this overpriced juice!