Welcome to Thanksgiving- the kids table is on TikTok, the adults table is on zoom (with a side slack for the cousins). We love you and want you to be safe.

(This is a savory tweet. Both sad and hopeful.)

And yes, this is where your great uncle is still trying to come to dinner on Usenet.

Meantime, Aunt Julie wants to know why we didn’t make a playlist and pulls you into a side chat to talk about how real Taylor Swift’s new album sounds. She doesn’t listen to your answer.

The twins are playing Hades and forgot to log in but that’s ok because they have a Patreon and their mom just deleted her pledge until they come to dinner.

Seems like there’s a little subtweet war going on between your Great Aunt Maimie and your social pod who wants to know what time you can get back to the quest.

(You may have slack open on your laptop, a side chat on your tablet, and are trying to monitor the kids on your slyly labeled TikTok NotMom4Realz account)

Everyone’s cooked so that dinner is ready at about the same time. The kitchen smells delicious. You all raise a glass (except for cousin Bob who is inexplicably lagged and still on appetizers). Great aunt Maimie seems to be going for the port already.

(The kids are critiquing your turkey on Yelp.)

(Sorry for the spelling, I didn’t prep this it just happened.)

Meanwhile, on Slack, your brother and your sister in law have posted all the recipes. Including the close held family secret for fondant candy.

Second course. Uncle Gene is mad that no one made his Oyster Stuffing. Also that the twins have hacked his Rate My Professor page, where he had a great score.

Someone’s pulled Aunt June’s geocities fan page off the wayback machine. Oh lord.

Sorry for the delay. Aunt June’s wildly talented child compiled an exact replica of our dinner platform in Minecraft and then lit a redstone and we still aren’t quite sure what happened next but there were a lot of square cows.

Who wants dessert? Head on over to twitch. We’re playing Diablo. With pie.

:: exeunt. Pursued by a large turkey.::

(honestly, much of my family is the invisible friends I've made along the way. I love you all and wish we could be together, but I'm glad we're safe here, still together. That's all. That's the tweet.)