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Honestly, really really honestly and it takes a lot of courage to say this, I legitimately do not like my mother. No love, no affection both ways. We just co-exist. It's taken me all this time to fully understand that and I'm 100% sure the feeling is mutual. It's too late for us
It's not that she hasn't provided or anything. Emotionally we're fully detached. Ya'll see that "mistake child" term inatupwatupwa hapa, yeah that's me. And I've learnt how to cope and live with that reality. It honestly sucks btw you have no idea
I'm just lucky It isn't affecting me as much btw. Some of ya'll are MUCH worse and you can't tell them the same. Parental trauma is real
I appreciate what she does as a PROVIDER but as a mom? Nothing. Zero. Nada. The worst part? I have 2 younger brothers and she dotes over them completely. In all honesty in this house I'm the guy who does the chores na wa kupigiwa kelele. Someone told me I've been desensitized...
To it and he was right man. Does it hurt? Yes. Especially seeing how some of you have loving moms who care and all. I'm just thankful I have the willpower to somewhat handle it.
Most of my life we haven't had a father figure so I've had to step up and do that as well, and do it with a brave face but no. The worst thing is I'm actually scared to have kids because of her. I'm honestly scared that this emotional detachment will be hereditary or something
Is it because I didn't do well in school? No in fact to be very honest I studied to pass because of her. I thought maybe academics would be the way but no. Ask her what my hobbies are and she'll be blank btw. She's never attended any basketball or soccer game I played in.
I've accepted myself. And I blame myself for not doing much more, but for now I give up. Maybe something will happen in future but for now it's time I chin up, ignore and move on with my life
Please when you have children, treat them like children not like business investments.
