Why I Am Deleting Tinder: A Thread

So I matched with this girl last night and we started talking or whatever. She graduated last spring and works in education based activism. We hit it off immediately. She’s a poet and she sings too. I LOVE IT. Then she start getting freaky

She tell me she want me to eat her cat off the bone and how she wanna taste every part of me and you know me I say I’m down for all the shits. Then... I fall asleep.

I wake up at 10 and she had hit me up an hour before. So I say my bad i fell asleep and shes like its okay. So she asks if Im tryna come over. I say Ion drive. She said I can get my homegirl to pick you up and drop you off. KEYWORDS: DROP YOU OFF. This where it gets weird.

I send my addy and 15 minutes later a car outside. I get in and her homegirl... is a stud. She say, “wussup bro?” And we hit it off. She cool asf and we listen to the same music. We spent half the ride talking about Benny the Butcher. I’m thinking she could be the homie until...

She starts asking me bout what I like sexually. And I’m an open person so I just laid everything out. She smiling and shit like I was saying shit she liked. I was like why? She said that she wanted to be prepared for when we get to ole girl house. PREPARED?!? WE?!?

We pull up at the house and I’m mad asf because a) why ole girl ain’t tell me this was a threesome and b) WHY TF SHE AINT TELL ME THIS WAS A THREESOME. But I’m cool, I’m not bout to fuck this up. We go up to the door and I hear a gunshot across the street and somebody yell

She open the door and see how I look and how the stud (Mac) looks and says “oh that happens all the time”. I’m used to hearing gunshots but not no damn screams after. Ole girl (Staci) ain’t got on nothing but a towel. She leads us to the bedroom and drop it. I’m like DAYUMMMM

Mac strong ass push Staci on the bed and just mashing face, sucking neck, allat. I’m like well she doing all that, lemme show what I got. I start giving staci the lick lick finger twist combo 9000 and she bouta die. All of a sudden, I hear knocking. Like BANGING.

Staci go to the door and... it’s her boyfriend.

He yelling and screaming bout why she naked, who car that is, WHERE THE FUCK THAT MARK ON HER NECK CAME FROM, and me and Mac ass like it’s time to GO.

We lock the door and we tryna figure out how the fuck to get out. We throwing in clothes and we hear him running through the fucking house. He slamming shit, hitting walls and he start banging on the bedroom door. Mac say we gotta go out the window. I say THE WINDOW?!?!

Mind you we on a second floor of a focking house. She bouta all you gotta do is tuck and roll. I help boost her up so she can get steady on the ledge and she drop down. I look out the window and she say I’m good. I hear a loud ass cracking sound and it’s...

HER BOYFRIEND BREAKING THROUGH THE DAMN DOOR. I throw my self out that focking window so fast and do the tuck shit and I rolled my ankle but I can still move. We hightail it to the car and this nigga is running out of the house and hops into his car too. HE IS TRYNA CHASE US...

Mac don’t know this neighborhood, I damn sure don’t know but we driving for 20 minutes until dude turns off. We pull up to a park and we get out to BREATHE. We start talking bout how crazy that shit was and she ask if I smoke. I’m wearing a Backwoods mask, YEAH I SMOKE.

She go pull out 3 blunts from the car. We start walking and talking and she saying how she mad she ain’t nut or whatever and I’m like damn me too. We keep talking and walking and we finish the 3rd blunt. We get to a little gazebo and she light a cigarillo. Next thing I know...

My pants around my ankles and she giving me that automatic sloppy gawk gawk hand twist pump 3000 and a nigga bouta die. She turn around and sit on my dick IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. A nigga is high as fuck and LIVINGGGG.

She bust all over me and I’m ready and we both moan loud as shit. She get up and we both all wet up. We pull up our clothes and silent asf on our way back to the car. We just sit there for a GRIP in total silence.

She say that was cool lil nigga and I’m like LIL NIGGA? She bouta chill out bro, it was fire or whatever. I say yeah yeah and she say you ready to go home I saw yeah. She turn in the radio and we just vibing on the way home. She stop in front of my house and...

She was like you tryna make this a regular thing? I was like hell yeah. So I have a new fuck buddy and I’m scared of mfs on Tinder. The moral of the story kids is: if you have to jump out of a window, tuck and roll. GOOD NIGHT, I’ll be here all week.

while you’re here, you should checkout this projector for your rooms

https://oceangalaxy.co/products/light 

while you're here check out these adorable cuddly plushies! reversible, so soft and comforting too http://mood-plushies.com/octo