I gotta tell y’all how my DoorDasher, PARKER, tried to make off with my food last nite.

Soooooo I order a few wings from Boomerjacks and decided to take a shower so I’d be good and clean to eat my food and watch Crown, right? Aight so boom...

20 mins later, i get a notification that my food had been picked up and Parker was on his way. I left SPECIFIC instructions for Parker to get into the gate.

The gate calls, I let him in and he goes the wrong way anyway. He calls me, i direct him to my place.

I get the notification that he’d dropped my food at the door. Coo.
I’m on the phone with my Father in Law at the time so i almost forgot about it. I remembered like, “oh snap! My food!” I run to the door...

As I’m opening the door, I see a flash (not in my face) but i see it, i look down at my mat and BAM! My food is being snatched away from the side like when the purple girl on Willy Wonka got sucked into that pipe!

So i close my door and lock it really quick! I’m breathing hard cuz now i am PISSED! I WANT MY WINGS!

After about 3 mins, i go back to the door to open it cuz maybe it was some kind of animal that tried to take it. Like a raccoon. Iono! Even tho I’ve never seen a raccoon over here, it’s possible! My bag is in the middle of my breezeway. Food is still there.

I grab the bag, go back inside and check the bag for scratch marks...from an animal right? Yeah nothin. NOTHIN AT ALL. So i text Parker....

“I hope your nuts swell up to the size of grapefruits with open sores on them tonite for trying to snap a pic of my food and steal it!”

My wings were good and i finished the first season of The Crown.

Dassit.