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One common source of anxiety is isolationism. This isn't the moment a leader stands alone, it is when a leader must FEEL alone in order to move to self pity.
It is 'no one knows the troubles I've seen' and 'no one knows what it is like to be me.'
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It is 'no one knows the troubles I've seen' and 'no one knows what it is like to be me.'
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I move into isolationism when I feel defeated, unproductive or when I have taken on too many things. I move from excited to self pity pretty quick. 'If only everyone knew how hard it is to be me!'
Even though, as often as not, I got myself into this pickle.
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Even though, as often as not, I got myself into this pickle.
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Maybe you know someone who struggles with this. They are in the group, they tunnel far away and then pop up and say 'where is everyone.'
I see this in some folks in my church. 'No one loves me, no one cares.' Even though, objectively, many people do.
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I see this in some folks in my church. 'No one loves me, no one cares.' Even though, objectively, many people do.
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I remember one extreme case - a person who chronically displays isolationism. He turned down 4 invitations to Thanksgiving so he could post on social media that he is having another Thanksgiving alone.
Isolationism is insidious and it is evidence we are in anxiety's grip.
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Isolationism is insidious and it is evidence we are in anxiety's grip.
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Isolationism is a sophisticated form of self righteousness.
Anytime we are self righteous, we are anxious.
We work so hard to prove that we are alone when in fact we are not.
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Anytime we are self righteous, we are anxious.
We work so hard to prove that we are alone when in fact we are not.
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The most famous case is Elijah in 1 Kings. After battling Ahab (and outrunning him using modern aerodynamic techniques!), Elijah self isolates, moves to self pity and says, 'where is everyone? No one gets it.'
God steps in and gently sets the record straight.
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God steps in and gently sets the record straight.
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First, God feeds Elijah. God has compassion on those who are so trapped in their anxiety they have lost touch with reality. Food first, and good questions.
'What are you doing here, Elijah?'
and then:
'You are not alone. There are thousands.....also Elisha....'
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'What are you doing here, Elijah?'
and then:
'You are not alone. There are thousands.....also Elisha....'
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But when you are trapped in self pity, you don't want the truth - that others get it, that others have gone through it, that God is with you.
You want to feel alone in order to feel self pity.
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You want to feel alone in order to feel self pity.
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So, leaders: if you are battling isolationism, I invite you to believe the Good News: God has others who know and you can reach out to them for help and most importantly allow them to serve and help you.
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It is ok to be an exactly human sized leader.
That is all God has ever asked.
Exactly. Human. Sized.
You don't need unlimited capacity. You can be at your breaking point, overwhelmed.
But call out for help, please and let people who care about you care for you.
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That is all God has ever asked.
Exactly. Human. Sized.
You don't need unlimited capacity. You can be at your breaking point, overwhelmed.
But call out for help, please and let people who care about you care for you.
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But also, beware the chronic isolationist. Care for them, invite them, welcome them, but be careful to not get in the trap of 'proving' to them that they are loved. They have a vested interest in ignoring your efforts.
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Until they can see this sick cycle, you will exhaust yourself trying to show them you care. Beware especially the new church visitor who says, 'the last church didn't care.'
It might be true. It might be that they cared a great deal but the person kept the teflon on.
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It might be true. It might be that they cared a great deal but the person kept the teflon on.
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Isolationism. The need to feel alone in order to stand on self instead of falling into Christ.
Insidious. Common.
But the Good News is so much better.
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Insidious. Common.
But the Good News is so much better.
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