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recently someone asked me "am i afraid? and if yes, for what?"
i am afraid of dependence. be it emotional or physical or financial. the reason why i am confused about marrying. it isnt i run away from responsibilities or i dont believe in love, but being unlucky in love too
i am afraid of dependence. be it emotional or physical or financial. the reason why i am confused about marrying. it isnt i run away from responsibilities or i dont believe in love, but being unlucky in love too
we hate talking about it but we know everyone close to us will leave me one day. or i ll leave one day with leaving behind everyone i loved even without return. i dont want a chaos of relations. you cannot bound me. if you bound me, most probably i ll end up killing my ownself
i dont want to be dependant on a person or a relation or them to be dependant on me when i know its a temporary scary but beautiful place. you know you even put a nail in a rented house of yours with extreme care. some souls are free to go and i guess my mother has realized this
i have been in the dependency phase and trust me it has been extreme for me. i still feel i am still not out of it. but i try each day. every other day. it may sound as sad and negative it may be, but i guess i am happy in the bubble the spot i have created for myself
many people came. many people left. some i wanted to stay. but again no one enters ur life on ur discretion n likewise no one will ever leave with ur permission. i dont want that part anymore. the leaving part. i have seen ppl leaving. n with no shame i& #39;ve begged many to stay
but i realized this very late that no one stays. no matter what you say no matter you do. and honestly, if they do stay that charm isnt there and i cant go on without charms. without that feeling of warmness you once had with that person.
idk where this is going but this was in my head for a very long time. i dont hate getting married. maybe some part of me still believes in love (after everything), but i hate being dependant now. specially emotionally. n maybe this is the reason i am what i am rn.
