awake and thinking. my mum and I used to be best of friends. that woman was my very first girlfriend. loved on her. babied her. protected her feelings. helped her birth her other children. took her husband’s rubbish.
can’t believe she let my hand go.
I can’t believe she let me go

My family hurt me. I spent the whole of this year trying to process it.
they spent the whole of the
year acting like I’m crazy. like the pain is just in my head. like they didn’t do anything I’m feeling. like the blood has no roots.
like the blood is all mine.

I left because I deserved better. they let me go. didn’t bother.
said when things get hard for me I’ll come back.
I told my chi. if things get hard. I permit you to take me away. we are never going back to those people.
I pick death than going to them for anything. I pick death.

and in many ways. I’ve died this year.
all of my kindness has sharp ends.
my love a little
drunk. my heart learned a few new attitudes and my feet now
knows how to leave faster than she came.
I died several times.
I birth myself. renamed. and now carrrying myself.