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#procrastin8n It's 10:30PM. Did no art hw, did not finish work for my project either. I told myself casually earlier today "I'll do soo much of my art hw!" but of course did nothing.
1/ I got stuck worrying about my art hw, forgetting about project work left. So, I just turned off my brain and scrolled on radfem tumblr to distract myself. I spent more time on lesfem/separatist kinds of accts which is better than 1) the "rudefem" edgelord types or +
2/ 2) those that like getting into pointless arguments with gender identity stans (I dislike using queer theorist, TRA, genderist, etc. why is there no good term).
3/ I feel embarrassed talking about my lurking habits. It's not my interest in these topics that embarrasses me, it's my halfassed attempts at learning to procrastinate instead of doing my hw and not making real time to learn more about these movements.
4/ Sometimes I pick up good nuggets of info but because I avoid thinking hard when I scroll I don't really absorb or think much about them which is a shame!
5/ Like this post. Obviously my situation as shitty teen was less dramatic but like, p sure I don't have "real" depression, I was just so bored but also aware of limitations from my parents due to parents/culture and my brain fried. Also being #/probablyautistic means I was +
6/ Unable to have the friendships and discussions I wanted so I kinda gave up and went into myself. I too internalize a lot of my frustration and anger towards my family and become uwu sad and give up instead of trying to make any kind of change cause it all feels pointless.
7/ This thread is still a procrastinating measure btw. I'm physically tired from my shit sleep sched, stressed out bc I self-sabotaged and didn't do my art hw so I'm waiting for my prof to chastise me, say I lost my change to redo course. Always waiting for rock bottom to come +
8/ instead of avoiding it. but giving up feels good and also doesn't get me to do shit. god I'm full of shit. and that junk food i stuff my face with that rots my brain and teeth!!
9/ This is going no where. Anyways will do my project work then sleep. love to break my no twitter rule and strive to do the bare minimum, because trying to do more hurts and scares me.
10/ love that I'm scared of having to get a retail job or sth (not denigrating those of you with these jobs, I grew up middle class and parents still argued over money so much. how much will be enough??) and my parents thinking I'm a failure or sth.
11/ Will reiterate brain broke and rambling. Oh shit, this looks like a good read! Same author of a book whose work was mentioned in this article I found on radfem tumblr. Her other books seem like they'd keep my attention. https://www.marieclaire.com/culture/news/a14211/mean-girls-of-the-er/
