I need to talk about the way the government's failure to properly handle of the latest wave of the pandemic has completely destroyed my mental health.

Thread.

This pandemic sucks. The virus sucks. The lockdown sucks. We get it, we all know it. Things suck really hard right now.

In March, when lockdown started, I didn't leave the house for a long while because I didn't know how bad it was or was going to get.

The government here was a little slow to implement the lockdown, and to make it more strict. It never got nearly as tight as it has in some countries, but we made it through okay. By the end of the summer we had a daily average of new cases in the area below 1.

Once things started to be reasonably under control, and we started to learn more about the virus, we were able to feel comfortable going outside. We were able to actually get out and do things, get fresh air and exercise. Even go back to the office some days, albeit very limited.

We definitely were trying to limit contact with people in keeping with government guidance and personal risk levels, however.

Restrictions loosened, which was good, but there was also foreshadowing of the mess to come, if you looked closely.

The federal and provincial governments were pointing fingers over whose job it was to enforce the quarantines for incoming travellers under the Quarantine Act (it was mostly the provinces, believe it or not!)

If you thought that meant Bad Things to come, well, you were right.

You probably already know about what a mess return to school was. But KW is a university town (towns?) and we *also* had a bunch of students returning to school, and with students come parties.

Parties that had no respect, it seems, for the restrictions.

There had also been some evidence of issues with family gatherings over the summer, but with K-12 back in school and the universities in session in September, everything went Completely To Shit.

It took longer here than in the rest of the province, but we've started catching up.

We knew, to some extent, that this was going to happen. For a bunch of reasons you're probably tired of hearing already.

But there is another critical layer, something that has *destroyed* us in the months since: the government's inability to control behaviour.

The government earned a lot of our trust in the spring with how they handled the lockdown restrictions and got things under control. They managed to quell the beast.

The restrictions this time around have been more lacking, more lax. The regional system came out too late.

And this is important, yes, but it's not the most important.

In September, when schools were opening up and risk was increasing drastically, the government was completely dropping the ball on enforcing what restrictions there were.

And that destroyed my trust completely.

The new colour-coded lockdown scale from the government has some seriously questionable aspects to it. Medical experts are not big fans.

But at least it's a system, and there's presumably someone who expected that it would make risks acceptable.

Obviously the government has different risk calculations than I do. But that would have been a good start.

Based on the examples from September, though, I have no trust that the restrictions are actually being followed.

At this stage in the pandemic, it's easy for people to think that things are safer when they are not. There are more active cases in the region now than at the height earlier this year, probably even if you account for better testing (although Ontario botched that too).

We should be *less* cautious now than we were at the start, but I know it's against our instinct. My extended family who went entirely into lockdown initially are still willing to spend time together, for instance.

Now our region limits *all* social gatherings to 5 people.

I doubt people are really seriously following this. They weren't following the less stringent restrictions earlier in the season, how can I believe they will follow the ones now? Nobody seemed to be actually enforcing the law, how can I believe people will be forced to stop?

The lockdown guidelines serve two purposes. They limit contact, to prevent the virus from spreading. But they also, when working correctly, can serve as yardsticks by which people can measure acceptable risks. Guidelines about how much people can do safely.

By destroying my trust in their ability to define and more importantly enforce the lockdown, the government has become entirely useless for the second thing. I feel very much that I cannot rely on the government to protect me.

With no external guidance, every trip outside, even for essentials (like critical medical appointments) requires me to do a specific evaluation of the risks appropriate to my situation.

I wasn't willing to leave earlier in the pandemic when things were safer. Why now?

The initial lockdown phase was brutal, but survivable. Now I'm really starting to suffer under the strain, but the pandemic is worse. Surprise surprise, uncertainty breeds anxiety breeds executive dysfunction.

I can't leave.

And it's a feedback loop, because the less I go outside, the worse my state gets.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, I should add, "you should do X" non-binding advice from government authorities is also pretty awful.

It doesn't get disseminated well; compliance can't be assumed for risk assessment; and it caters to those who aren't inclined to follow restrictions.

"You should do X voluntarily or else it will not be voluntary" is bullshit because it is just a mandatory order except slower and more passive aggressive.

And with winter setting in, my wife basically can't leave the apartment, pandemic or no; certainly not for casual activities like walks.

So my biggest support is gone this season too.

Thanks to everyone sending love my way. It makes a difference. <3