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heat waves and its meaning to me, a thread.
tw // mentions of death, suicide, depression, self-harm, hospitalization
this thread is just for me, really. i wanted to write what i've been going through and how tbhyourelame1's fic and glass animals' song resurfaced some of the pain i needed to feel. to fully move on.
this is also my way of channeling my disappointment. people just couldn't respect her wishes, huh? now this beautiful fic will be deleted, unfinished. dnf shipper or not, it doesn't matter bc it was about respect. then again, like life, not everything stays. memento mori.
"sometimes, all I think about is you
late nights in the middle of june"
— i lost my best friend to his battle with depression last june. you can imagine how hard the lyric hit. i loved him (romantically) and he was all i thought about until he left the world.
late nights in the middle of june"
— i lost my best friend to his battle with depression last june. you can imagine how hard the lyric hit. i loved him (romantically) and he was all i thought about until he left the world.
"heat waves been faking me out
can't make you happier now"
— he liked someone else but never minded that i liked him. it was what brought us closer actually, the support for each other despite the circumstances. but sometimes i felt that i couldnt make him happy like she did.
can't make you happier now"
— he liked someone else but never minded that i liked him. it was what brought us closer actually, the support for each other despite the circumstances. but sometimes i felt that i couldnt make him happy like she did.
"you just need a better life than this
you need something i can never give"
— he was dealing with depression, so i tried all i could to stop him from hurting himself. the girl he liked didn't like him back too and i couldn't do anything about that. he didn't like me back either.
you need something i can never give"
— he was dealing with depression, so i tried all i could to stop him from hurting himself. the girl he liked didn't like him back too and i couldn't do anything about that. he didn't like me back either.
"fake water all across the road
it's gone now the night has come but"
— he's gone now.
it's gone now the night has come but"
— he's gone now.
"you can't fight it
you can't breathe"
— he was brought to the hospital when his family found him in his room. earlier this year i went to the hospital because i couldnt breathe. the difference is i came out alive.
you can't breathe"
— he was brought to the hospital when his family found him in his room. earlier this year i went to the hospital because i couldnt breathe. the difference is i came out alive.
"you say something so loving but
now i've got to let you go
you'll be better off in someone new"
— this was the artists' comment on the mv, and knowing that "the song is about loss, longing, and ultimately realizing you are unable to save something" hit. hard.
now i've got to let you go
you'll be better off in someone new"
— this was the artists' comment on the mv, and knowing that "the song is about loss, longing, and ultimately realizing you are unable to save something" hit. hard.
"i don't wanna be alone
you know it hurts me too"
— our time together was one school year. he was a year older and we both felt out of place in our respective grades, which was why we had each other. he was who i looked to when i felt insecure and lonely. it's different now.
you know it hurts me too"
— our time together was one school year. he was a year older and we both felt out of place in our respective grades, which was why we had each other. he was who i looked to when i felt insecure and lonely. it's different now.
"you look so broken when you cry
one more and then i'll say goodbye"
— march 13, the last day we saw each other, i was the last person he saw before quarantine. the last thing we did irl was hug and he was so sad because he couldn't handle isolation. i said goodbye, he didnt.
one more and then i'll say goodbye"
— march 13, the last day we saw each other, i was the last person he saw before quarantine. the last thing we did irl was hug and he was so sad because he couldn't handle isolation. i said goodbye, he didnt.
as for the fic, i was devastated when i found out about the discontinuation, especially since i read it before the wildness. im not necessarily a dnf shipper, but i find so much comfort in written works. i lost two family members in addition to him. now this. no more please.
i don't expect anyone to read this thread, but writing it just helps me feel better since putting it out there feels like a part of me is ready to move on. i still have a long way to go, but i just hope he's okay up there. i miss you everyday, tony.
