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About 10 years ago, I was married. I spent every Thanksgiving with my wife& #39;s family. I wasn& #39;t close to mine and they were literally a 30 minute train or 15 minute cab ride away.
Easy peasy.
I love Thanksgiving food. They were midwestern so I thought it would be solid.
Easy peasy.
I love Thanksgiving food. They were midwestern so I thought it would be solid.
Her uncle was the "cook" of the family.
You know the type.
The self-proclaimed foodie. Buys premium ingredients from Whole Foods. His only social media activity is food-related. I& #39;ve eaten his food. He reads cookbooks and always tried new things!
I trusted him.
You know the type.
The self-proclaimed foodie. Buys premium ingredients from Whole Foods. His only social media activity is food-related. I& #39;ve eaten his food. He reads cookbooks and always tried new things!
I trusted him.
One Thanksgiving... he didn& #39;t make turkey.
"The family just doesn& #39;t like it."
He made roast pork tenderloin. FINE. Whatever.
There were steamed green beans. Instead of potatoes, we had roasted cauliflower.
I was trapped in some Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine nightmare.
"The family just doesn& #39;t like it."
He made roast pork tenderloin. FINE. Whatever.
There were steamed green beans. Instead of potatoes, we had roasted cauliflower.
I was trapped in some Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine nightmare.
I went to the supermarket the next day and bought a turkey, corn bread mix, corn, green beans, cream of mushroom soup, Idaho russet potatoes, 2 boxes of butter, celery, sage, macaroni, 2lbs of cheese, and jell-o.
I was so upset, I demanded a Thanksgiving do over.
I was so upset, I demanded a Thanksgiving do over.
I knew my friends were exhausted of Thanksgiving food, but I implored them.
"PLEASE LET ME HAVE REAL THANKSGIVING."
"PLEASE LET ME HAVE REAL THANKSGIVING."
I took my turkey. It was a sad leftover turkey that was part of the post-Thanksgiving sale. It was only fifty cents a pound and it was like 24lbs.
It was very very large.
It was very very large.
Now, most people brine something like 5%.
As someone who really likes ham, I have always been a proponent of "fuck that 5%, make it by weight.
FYI it& #39;s about 10lbs of brine to 24lbs of turkey. Duck you high blood pressure.
FLAVOR TOWN.
As someone who really likes ham, I have always been a proponent of "fuck that 5%, make it by weight.
FYI it& #39;s about 10lbs of brine to 24lbs of turkey. Duck you high blood pressure.
FLAVOR TOWN.
It was great.
Next year, the wife& #39;s family said no to turkey again.
FINE. I& #39;m bringing my own turkey. It& #39;s a turkey for me.
What could be more American than saying duck you to my wife& #39;s family and bringing my own turkey to a family meal?
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Next year, the wife& #39;s family said no to turkey again.
FINE. I& #39;m bringing my own turkey. It& #39;s a turkey for me.
What could be more American than saying duck you to my wife& #39;s family and bringing my own turkey to a family meal?
So that year. The year after Diet Meal From The Back Of Country Living Magazine™ Thanksgiving, I ordered a fancy af heritage turkey.
I did my ham brine.
I roasted it at 500Âş in a convection oven with no basting because I wanted to heat blast it.
No mercy turkey.
I did my ham brine.
I roasted it at 500Âş in a convection oven with no basting because I wanted to heat blast it.
No mercy turkey.
When it was done, I moved it to a throwaway roasting pan. I took air filled ziploc bags and cushioned it inside a larger ziplock bag — one of the giant ones for blankets.
I wrapped that inside insulated blankets.
When we arrived, I unpacked. People were curious.
I wrapped that inside insulated blankets.
When we arrived, I unpacked. People were curious.
