Racism is just theory to some of you and it shows

It’s some unfathomable horror on the news. Some abhorrent thing that happens far away from you. Something you shake your head at without realizing it resides inside of you and you are also responsible, for it’s existence.

Most days I walk around in a half blind acceptance of it. Knowing I will be followed around the grocery store, making it into a funny game of how many aisles I can get the associate to walk down.

A tightening of the chest when I see the third cop car of the day drive slowly down my street in a way reminiscent of lions stalking their prey. White voices often condescending or apprehensive, somehow confused that I am still here standing in front of them.

Being Black is living in two worlds. With one being almost entirely invisible to everyone else, only merging the moment you die. It is the exhaustion that always seems to creep up. It’s the way every murdered by police tilts their head the same way your cousin does.

I spend my time trying to read. Educate myself on my stolen history. Trying to find Black joy or Black girl magic everyone talks about. Sometimes I am successful. Most of the time I vacillate between indifference and rebellion. Never knowing which will make me feel safe.

While knowing I will never be.

Anyways. Read up on double consciousness if you aren’t familiar with it. I’m feeling verbose today.

Good books:
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
Quicksand by Nella Larsen
Passing by Nella Larsen

Also read this:

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/double-consciousness/

anywayz if you learned something (as per usual) i accept tips venmo: @/shan-tilly