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I& #39;ve been waiting to say anything until it was in print, not wanting for them to suffer additional attacks than they& #39;ve endured already, but @steveryancarter @heysarahcarter have been sources of encouragement, strength and helping me gain the voice I& #39;d lost.
The photo inserted is from the Acknowledgements section of A Church called TOV. Now I can say that from the beginning of their years at Willow Creek Community Church, Steve and Sarah were lifelines. I had already been in private meetings with the Elder Response Team at Willow
since 2010 discussing the secrets I had kept about Dr. Gilbert Bilezikian. It took me so long to realize that my input was not only not appreciated, but put a large target on my back and a file created on me. I took full ownership, assuming all guilt in 2010, so I wasn& #39;t much
of a threat, but when my husband and I can back for more rounds, starting in 2014, suddenly I began getting criticism and pushback in my volunteering. In late 2014-2016, I came under such vicious attacks my health suffered. A stroke in 2015, a neurogenic cough in my vocal cords
in 2016. In 2015, I was told my ERT Scott Vaudrey& #39;s female clone, that I was not suited for the Marriage coaching Mark and i had already been doing for several years and loving. In an attack that left me gasping with pain, shock and outrage, i was told that I would never be
allowed to be a lay leader in the marriage ministries again, and I still grit my teeth at the comment that my husband was welcome and they would "pair him with a suitable woman!" The attacks got worse. I had to have another background check when attempting to supervise
seed-packing for Celebration of Hope. In everything I tried to do, other than tithing, I was attacked. It was 2017 before I began putting the string of attacks and my subsequent health failures before I began to see a pattern, but questioned my own sanity over believing this.
I finally talked with Steve Carter about everything in late February of 2018, right before the Tribune story I didn& #39;t know was getting ready to break. Steve and Sarah believed me. Steve immediately met with Scott Vaudry and Heather Larson, believing this to be a chuch crisis of
great proportions, only to be told they already knew and "had taken care of it." Not bothered to fill Steve in on anything, but had taken care of me. Not so much! Steve believing me was a weight off my shoulders so heavy, I didn& #39;t realize I had been staggering to continue on.
In March, the Chicago Tribune article came out about Hybels and his victims. My first response, honestly, was rage. At the victims. I& #39;m embarrassed now. Then, I began to wonder if I didn& #39;t want to believe them because I would then have to take my own story seriously. I apologized
to BH& #39;s victims and to the authors of the article. Manya Brachear Pashman, one of the writers, responded and asked me if I was one of the victims. Oh. Yes. Just a different predator, Bill& #39;s mentor. Manya, my husband and I met 3 times and she believed me, but I didn& #39;t
have enough documentation gathered yet for an article. (Then Manya left the Tribune) I ended up having a long conversation with Vonda Dyer, @Chelseaker where she listened intently, said my stories fit the patterns and asked if I had gone through what seemed like an orchestrated
attack, and if my health or life had been impacted. Yes, yes and yes! My admiration for Vonda, the many victims seen and unseen, Steve and Sarah Carter, Scott & Kristin McKnight, Laura Barringer, Rob Speight, Jim Bedell, Julie Roys, Benjamin Ady and so many others
is boundless and forever grateful. I spent the rest of 2018 and 2019, going through 35 years of journals, postcards, and memories, putting together a 57 page timeline of bullet points and specifics of what had happened to me at Willow from 1984 on. 57 pages was too long for
anyone to take on and publish and all the other survivor bloggers were drowning under the number of people coming to them with other stories. All doors seemed closed. Until Sarah Carter stepped in and was willing to wade through thousands of words, down to 3,000 words. More a
snapshot, but enough to be proof. I self-published that, and then Julie Roys picked it up, resulting in the January 2020 podcast. My life has changed since then. Although I was somewhat afraid of doing something as foreign and public as a podcast, I strongly believed that I
needed to stand with the other brave survivors who had gone ahead of me, blazing a trail. I could not stay silent anymore. And I also realized that the many attacks on me at Willow were not sins of mine, they were sins of leadership being pushed on me. In a way, my
naïevete served me, because I kept trying harder, rather than seeing the attacks and running away. (However, I might not have had a stroke and other health collapses had it not been for the constant character assassinations.) With the help and support of others, but with
grief, my husband, Mark and I left Willow on 2020, seeing continued bad decision-making, and are so grateful @neilschori invited us to The Edge Church in Aurora, IL, where we are having the joy of being in a small TOV church. We stand behind all thos who have been victimized,
whether they are still working towards safely being public, recovering or on the front lines. Peace, Grace and Love. #churchtoo #metoo 
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