A THREAD

Things to consider before getting married.

This is meant for those who intend to get married. It is based on my personal experience and that of my friends.

1. Choose a spouse wisely. If you gonna spend the rest of your life with someone, make sure they are the right person for you. Never marry because if pregnancy, wealth accumulation or the fact everyone around you is getting hitched.

2. Learn the difference between love, intimancy and romance. Love is a relationship between two people, based on shared values for their coexistence. Intimacy is sex and emotions attached it. Romance is going on dates, gifts, etc. Marry based on love.

3. Premarital Counseling is important. Marriage is not about living together with lots of tlof tlof. Marriage is a very deep and sacred institution with mahali, weddings, rings, certificates, etc. Learn about it before you subscribe. Parent should also attend separate sessions.

4.Your spouse comes first in your life before your mother (parents) and friends. If your mother has a squabble with your spouse, you choose the side of your spouse without listening to the merits of fight. Also, dont entertain your friends at the expense of your spouse.

5. Fix finances at home if you are a bread winner before getting married. The last thing you need is for your parents to asking your spouse for nyoko ea motlakase. U tla utloa se bare; "Mosali o loile Moshemane eno oaka." Breadwinners are the most difficult persons to marry.

6. Majita, khaohana le nyatsi tsa litutla. Litutla li sebelisa ka thata ebile li etsa monna oa semamarela. U tlo khaleha ha u qeta ebe oa seloa. U tlo tsohella hae letsatsi ke chabile. Ha li batle monna a noang joala. Joale ha u ka fumana ts'ehlana teng u tlo rekisa naha.

7. I am just joking, bofebe ke ntho e mpe ka hare ho lenyalo. If you eliminate it, you have reduced your marriage problems by 90%. The remaining 10% etloba lichelete le poor communication, le mathata a minor a khonang ho lokiseha.

8. Dont get married if your unemployed. Marriage Tlof tlof is much better when both mommy and daddy are paid. Joale when one of you is unemployed, it is going to be very complicated. Lenyalo le monate ha hona le income, etc. Dual income is what separates married men from singles.

9. Have children whilst young, if you plan on having them. Botsoetse is very frustrating. Its better to have it over and done with. In your 30s you should be enjoying your marriage, not nursing post partum depression.

10. Talk about each other's debt problems before getting married. Just bcoz i am driving a gd6 and looking fresh, it does not mean I am loaded. It means that i have 15k in monthly installments for the next five years which we both have bear it's burden.

11. Discuss issues concerning careers and academic progression before. The last thing you need is to be married to a spouse e lulang ale ofising a lelekisa li deadline kapa ebe u ikela China moo etsa PhD ea 5 years. It is better if you knew in advance.

12. Never let distance because of work between the two of you. I know it is not easy, but husband and wife should live together in the same household. Eseng ebe monna/mosali u sebetsa Thaba Tseka mosali/mosali u setse hae le bana. Ene hlole bontata rona ba sebetsa merafong koana

13. Time spend with your spouse and time spent with your spouse + children are two different times. Prioritise the former over the former. At the end of the day, you met each other before the children.

14. Have clear and written set of values which drive you as a couple. From transparency to accountability. Mona ho tla kenella litaba tsa phone lipasswords, submission and it's responsibility, religion, gender, politics, etc.

15. Marriage is such a beautiful institution. It is always important to have an understanding of what you want, and not start making demands which are unreasonable to your spouse because you never had the discussion. It is best to have them ha ntse le jola.

The end.