I want to talk about my background cause people don’t seem to understand it.

I am the first person in my family who attended an English medium school - one that is considered super elite in my city. Even elder cousins went to below-average Hindi medium schools.

I cleared their tough entrance exam cause my parents sent me to tuitions when I was 3 cause they didn’t know the language fluently enough to even try to prepare me for that test.

All my school life my parents would fumble & stutter & barely manage to communicate in the PTAs.

I was the first child to leave their hometown for higher studies - not even my elder male cousins were allowed to go - the family lives all over UP & they studied in their home towns, got jobs in their home towns, settled in their home towns, are raising kids in their home towns.

After my graduation, I lived alone & worked in metropolitan cities. Extended family was always surprised why I was allowed to do so being a girl. They wondered how I was able to manage it all on my own when even their married sons couldn’t set up a household without their help.

When I decided to go for post-graduation, I became the first person in my family to leave the country for studies. People in my family haven’t left Uttar Pradesh and here I was, going abroad, all by myself, setting up a life there, studying, working part-time, supporting myself.

My parents were questioned & warned at every step of the way, that they’re giving way too much freedom to a girl. But they did, cause they wanted their children to have a better life than they did. They took the risk & they now feel that they lost the gamble cause I fell in love.

I excelled in everything I did. I know how hard I worked for it. I had nobody to guide me, nobody to show me the way. I did everything academically & professionally. But I cannot deny that my parents supported me. Most decisions were decided after fights, but they did support me.

I don’t connect with my extended family now - I don’t even manage to find a common ground with my cousins - my own generation.

But I know the impact I’ve had. So many younger cousins were sent off to better institutions for education following my parent’s example & mine.

All that is because I went everywhere but I didn’t forget my upbringing - I talk respectfully to elders, I come across as “the middle class success story of their dreams” which I’ve now understood to be financially upward mobile but staying true to your family identity & values.

I affected decisions and lives when I was the “good example”, I know I will affect them when I become the “bad example”.

It’s easy to say that I’m not responsible for others, but everything isn’t black & white or right & wrong. Every decision has consequences, that’s inevitable.

I’m not defending how my family is treating me. I know they’re being emotionally manipulative & it’s wrong.

I just want to know my background cause most people here don’t seem to understand it. I do, that’s why I am unable to be selfish & think of just myself & my happiness.