Cats vs Bacteria - A Thread

1. A numbers game: To get more cats, you need at least two of the opposite sex. With bacteria, one will set you up for life.

2. Sleepless nights: Unlike cats, bacteria do not go into heat and keep you awake all night crying for a little fun.

3. Low maintenance: There is no litter box to change and bacteria can be easily fed by adding more sugar to their medium.

4. Holiday consideration: Bacteria do not require a neighbour's attention while you're away. Just put them in the fridge and they'll stay fresh.

This can also be done with cats but is heavily frowned upon.

5. Life in a vacuum: While bacteria are also covered with hair (cilia) on a microscopic level, they do not feel the need to leave said hairs all over the place.

6. Exercise your rights: You do not need to put your bacteria out for exercise. Simply put them in a large flask and shake them for a few hours. They are also easier to round up by using the centrifuge.

7. Death before dishonour: Bacteria will not bring dead animals into your house, displaying them proudly at dinner. At worst a renegade bacterium will keep you in the bathroom for a few days.

8. Scratching the surface: Washing a bacterial pellet does not require a knowledge of the martial arts and will not leave you with scar tissue.

9. I can see clearly now: It is rare when you cannot see the TV screen because of a bacterium sleeping on top, dangling its legs. If this is a problem, it typically implies that you should spend a little more on your next TV set.

10. Feeling a little flushed: A bacterium is less likely to clog your toilet when it dies [causing a £££ plumbing bill].