Thread by @amyp_86, I think it's time to do something that deep down I don't [...]

I think it& #39;s time to do something that deep down I don& #39;t really want to do, but I feel like I& #39;ve been left no choice to do. The fact that I& #39;m lay awake thinking about this to the point that I& #39;m trying not to cry over it has to mean something, right?
I don& #39;t like this, not one bit

but I guess it& #39;s something I have to do, as much as I really don& #39;t want to & I hate the idea of it completely.... In fact, I& #39;m actually crying now, which is probably ridiculous, but I am.
So, with a very heavy heart & tears in my eyes, I think I need to do this... But I hate it..

@metalfistofdoom, @Icndozizallday, I& #39;m taking a break from things.

Fuck, this feels stupid to say, but this actually hurts....

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">.... Eventually, I& #39;m taking a twitter break anyway, so I guess I need to do this first.
I& #39;ll never forget the first time we started to

interact on here. That very first moment in which "I met" Bucky....

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">... He was lost, no doubt scared, confused, amongst other things I& #39;m sure, when I found him on the road side. Bucky took a huge risk, I know, by actually getting into the car of a complete stranger &

actually trusting me.

It took some convincing that Steve actually didn& #39;t hate me though... Maybe that was all in my head, but even now I have my doubts that he actually likes me, even if he appreciates stuff that I& #39;ve done for him & Bucky - again, this is probably all in my

head, & possibly even couldn& #39;t be further from the truth & yet, I can& #39;t help but feel or think this way.

I& #39;m already dreading the reactions that are going to come on the back of this.... But I don& #39;t know what else to do either.
And in terms of where things are, I probably

couldn& #39;t have picked a worse time in which to be doing this & I guess that& #39;s partly why it& #39;s hurting so much to be doing this.

Being here was supposed to be an escape. For a while it truly was & I won& #39;t deny that I have enjoyed my time doing this. I guess I& #39;ve reached my limit,

I guess I& #39;ve reached my worth... I don& #39;t know anymore.... I hate myself for doing this.
I don& #39;t like how I& #39;m feeling about the way certain things are going, so I guess in my break, I need to work on why I& #39;m feeling these things? Or maybe what I& #39;m feeling is valid, but I feel like

I& #39;m causing more harm than good overall.

I just don& #39;t know anymore

I don& #39;t know how to be better

I don& #39;t know how to be a decent friend to Steve & Bucky, because right now, I feel like I& #39;m really not

I know people have told me that I am, but I& #39;m having a hard time believing

in anything about myself anymore.

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">

To many people here, this will just seem ridiculous & stupid, I know & I& #39;m sorry.

But when you& #39;ve been so invested in something & then suddenly you are feeling useless, a fuck up, a waste of space, you have to make a decision, even if

it hurts. You have to make a choice that will benefit others before you hurt them by saying something horrible that you don& #39;t mean. Even if that means hurting yourself in the process.

Bucky, Steve, I& #39;ll never stop loving you guys. Never. But I think it& #39;s time I stepped away,

before I end up doing something distructive & actually ruining things.

I love you both with a my heart & letting go hurts like hell, but if I don& #39;t, I will make things worse for you both. I& #39;m sorry. I& #39;m so, so sorry.

Thank you both, for so much x

Sorry x

- in terms of where things stand, I don& #39;t want to hear that you moved out of the house. Please don& #39;t do that, please. I& #39;m sorry this is how it& #39;s going down & believe me, I am crying so much writing this out.

I love you both, so much - Emily, if you read this, take care of them x

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